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Joined: Mar 2010
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i met my partner online at first after exchaning many emails and phone calls we met up she had travelled over 250 miles to meet me.we was already in love so making love just came natuarly.then about two months later she moved to my town i was married at the time(to a man) but was planning to leave him for my partner. she was very passionate and we would have passionate mking love sessions nearly every day.she was very caring and loving.then in 2002 i left my husband and she moved into my new place with me.i noticed she didn't want to make love as often as we use to. but when we did some of her passion was still there.but she wanted to be intimate less and less. ths happened gradually over about a year or two.then she started working nights at a carehome.and oursex life just got even less to about 3 times a year but she didn't show any passion by then.there was no intimate touching inbetween these 3 times a year.i asked her if anything was going on she denied it when i pointed out what made me think this.but the rows continued.then one night after she had stormed out during the day for a few hours comming back later she left again around 8pm i thought she had just gone into work early i waited until 9pm when her shift started andrang her work to seeif she was ok.they told me she had rang in sick around 5pm .gut instinct told me she would be at the pub where this woman i suspected worked part time when she wasn't at the carehome working.i drove straight to this pub and sure enough my partners car was parked there i saw my partner leaning on the bar talking to thiswman behind the bar. i just stood at the door and told her if she still wanted her job she better go in as i told them the truth she wasn't sick(which i had).she came home after about half an hour saying she had been into work to explain.but i was very hurt and angry knew my partner never usually took a sickie from this caused rows as she was giving me different excuses.i noticed she was talking alot about this woman she worked with and i began to suspect something was going on.she told me if she hadnt called in the pub to calm down she would had driven all the way back to her family.i found this hard to believe as she hadnt packed a bag or had her medication which she has to take everyday with her. then a few weeks later when i was meeting her out of work this woman told me there was nothin g going on between them they was just friends. but after that my partner didn't talk about this woman only very rarely if she did it was negative things like she didn't like this woman.then one morning she came home with such a look of worry and concern on her face telling me how this resident had hurt this womans hand and how much pain she had been in etc etc.even riging her to see she was ok. i found out from another stafshe only sees thof member theis woman had only had a slight sprain to her hand and she drove herself home after shift.but when i fell down the stairs and texted my partner saying what had happened she didnt even text me back or ring me to see if i was ok.never even asked how i was when she came home from work asked if she got my text she said yes but knew i was ok ummmm what made her think that. but as time went on i thought i had prob been paranoid my partner was telling me how she didn't like working with this woman etc but for the last few months has been leaving 30 minutes early to go to work which is only less than a 5 minute drive away her excuse first being they now had to sign in which would only take a fewseconds then she said she like a coffee before she started work she has been there over 5 years then suddenly decides to go early to have a coffee.that seemed strange to me.but again i put it down to me maybe being paranoid.on day i was playing with her mobile trying to figure out how to get a number up i wanted of one of our friends as i had no mobile myself then.i found she had called this woman from her mobile the call was made before she had come home one morning in between her leaving work and getting home all of 4 minutes at first she denied it then she said she made the call at home but didnt use the landline as her workmates number was only on her mobile which it isnt she knows its on our landline phone as she put it in there.and i know she never used her mobile in the house that morning as i was there with her after she got home.after that she never used her mobile and just left it in a drawer. so the months go b y and she and i are getting along ok but now had started with a sexual physcoloist/relationship thearpist she didnt want to but i told her it was the last thing to save our relationship. i had thoughtthat prehaps she really didnt like this workmate as she made several remarks maing out she didnt.but then last week not long after she got home this workmate rings her.i asked what was it about to ring that early after they had just finished the shift.she said her workmate was thanking her for helping her when she had a nosebleed at work.i thought it strange my partner hadnt mentioned this when she came home as usually she tells me whats happened at work etc. then it dawned on me all this not talking about her but only saying she didnt like working with her etc was a pretence perhaps tp put me off the scent.but i never said anything to her.then yesterday she said the boss had asked why she had asked for icepacks for the carehom.asking for medical things is the nurses jo not the carers.she said she told the boss it was ecause a resident had a fall and needed a ice pack but i knew excatly why but just let her go on eventually she said and for this woma she worked with who had a nosebleed.so if she doesnt like her why request for icepacks.why show care towards a woman she says she doesn't like.so this morning i decided to walk and meet her out of work. for a long time now whenever she has been on shift with this woman she has been later home than usual but alwayshad a excuse.anyway i stood outside the enterance so my partner wouldnt see me and watched her walk out with this woman,my partner started her car but then started walking up to this woman who was going to her c ar but then this woman saw me and i had to walk in making out i had stayed outside incase my dog barked waking the residents. but it all looked suss to me you would hardly want to wait and talk to someone u didnt like after work.but i've just kept quiet i don't know what to do.i can't prove anything only that she shows more care towards this woman than she does me.she just left me on the ground when i fell over last year hurting my ankle just told me to sit there but never offered me any help. i can't trust my partners word because i found out last year that she had lied to me about her past and lying that abuse has happened etc to me is a bit too much.even after she admitted lying i have caught her out on more lies. like not long after we met i got suss over a guy that kept ringing her especially when she told him to ring back after 6pm knowing i went home at 6pm she said he wouldnt bother ringing her back by telling him that.she hadnt met him in person but online she said he wasa transvestite who she was getting him hooked uo with a male friend of hers.but not once did i hear them talk about this other male friend or anything about him being a transvestite. what i did was wrong i know but i was so suss i guessed her password to her yahoo messenger and left him a offline message as if from my partner just saying "leave me alone" he replied "i really thought we had something good together" i told her but she said she didn't know what he was on about as far as i was aware he stopped calling her.but that did put alot of doubt in my mind thats why i have doubt now when she says there is nothing going on with her and this woman. but i can't prove anything just my gut instinct.i can't talk to her anymore about it because i know she is capble of lying to save her own skin.i know she doesnt see this woman out of work cos she never goes out apart from when we go out together.this woman is married to a man but that doesnt mean anything as i was married to a man when i met my partner.i'm desperate to know what isreally going on i just dont want to continue with my partner if she is having an affair.what do i do?

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Joined: May 2005
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I think maybe you should go with your gut instinct, that she could be cheating on you. What did the relationship counsilor say about all of this? Have you told her?
You could also try just confronting your partner - a lot of it sounds contradictory, although I realise they (ur partner & this woman she works with)could be planning an affair. Are there times you and ur partner are happy anymore?
Good luck smile


Steven Casey
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Joined: Mar 2010
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Hi, I know what you feel but my grandfather said always go with your gut but you need proof for any talk about this or give her enough rope they all seem to hang themselves in time . Sorry about what is happening to you


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