BellaOnline Forums Relationships Domestic Violence How do you move on?

It's been almiost 3 years since I left my ex. Just last month he apparently remembered he has kids, and my mom has been running supervised visits once a week since.

He has a new fiance and life seems good. But why can't I? I mean, I have my life - a house, job, the kids, etc. But how do *I* move on too? I have thought about this a lot, and I know for sure I definately want nothing to do with him, so that's not the issue. I think I am simply terrified of being betrayed again.

So how do you get past that and ever have a new relationship?

Dez

Give it some time. I'm in the same boat you are and I have turned two guys away. I'm just still feeling the burn.

You will get through this even though it doesn't feel that way. I'm not afraid of being betrayed but by being used by another abuser. I just seem to attract them. I don't trust my instincts anymore.

I pray for God to put the "right" man in my life when the time is right and for me to take it very slow next time. Thy will be done, not mine...

Give time, time.

It is so hard to move on, I know. I was blessed with a male friend who helped me escape my abuser. He too was a male victim of domestic violence so that common bond is what brought us closer. I married him 3 years after I left my abuser. I was extremely lucky to have found someone like him. In May, I will have my 6 year anniversary of leaving my abuser. 6 years is a lot of time but things still trigger inside of me that bring back memories. There are times a memory just pops into my mind and I bawl my eyes out all over again like the incident had just happened. Have you considered counseling?? That may help as well!

I hear what you are saying. My ex has a lot going for him too.... or so it seems... the truth is, we don't know what is going on between our ex's and their new wives. Likely, the same things we had to deal with. How much fun can it be to be married to a man who would use abuse to solve his marital conflicts. Believe me, you are better off, really than he is. You are out. Moving on with another man... well, I say cut yourself a break. You have a lot of healing to do when you are betrayed by someone you loved and trusted. And frankly, there are not that many single men out there who are healthy emotionally. The majority of the healthy guys are with their wives and living their lives. I don't say this to make us feel bad. I say it so you will stop blaming yourself. Its not your fault that you haven't moved on. I say wait, wait, wait until you feel healed from the wounds of an abusive marriage and until you have found a healthy partner who will truly have your back in life. And in the meantime, please live this wonderful life that you have with joy. Go out to dinner with friends. Reach out to people, again and again. Volunteer. Go to church. Stay involved in the world. And be grateful that you are out of a terrible marriage. You are special and God wants only good for you. It will come in all types of forms. Take care and please remember that you are not alone. We all feel this!