BellaOnline Forums Relationships Gay/Lesbian Relationships Is it possible...?

I know a girl who always described herself as bi throughout high school. But when she turned 18, she now feels like she can only connect with other girls. So now, at 18, she feels she is lesbian. Is there a chance (because of her young age of 18 and the fact that she was with guys before) that this could be another phase, and possibly that eventually she will decide that she's bi again sometime in the future?

I mean most girls spend their teens and early to mid 20s trying to find themselves.
So even though she thinks she's lesbian now, I don't think she realizes that her life in the next 5-8 years is still going to consist of many changes and phases in many different ways. What do you all think?

On a spiritual level first, when I have had consultations with individuals wanting clarity either for themselves or even a child active in homosexual or lesbian relations, the energy I read is that of a raised conscience to a point where the individual doesn't discern sex, but the Soul inside of whomever they are attracted.

I understand there are chemical/brain components and have even read for people who are physically both, male and female - but it isn't too much that they are confused but in society where they belong.

There are phases any of us go through and of course, especially if you've had more damaging relationships with men, you may in fact be more comfortable with women, but where you are comfortable the most really can only come from within and experiencing who and what you now should clarify who and what you are in the long run. Every day should lead you a step closer in finding out.

She's definitely had damaging relationships with men, but they were mostly one night stand encounters. She insists that it's not related to that. She says that she just doesn't feel the complete attraction nearly as much as she does when she's with women.
I personally think that she doesn't realize that the reason she doesn't feel that more holistic connection with guys as she does with girls is related to the fact that she has had damaging relationships with guys. She says that now she has come to the realization that the 3 guys (these 3 guys weren't included in the damaging relationships she had with men) she dated in high school were only just a cover up in order to keep her parents of her back, because they disapprove of the whole gay and lesbian thing. I think it's also important to mention that her mother has always been verbally and emotionally abusive, as well as emotionally neglectful towards her.

Many, if not most, Gay lesbian people go through a Bi phase. in this phase, we experiment with who we are. SOme people can't come to terms with who they are as a possible homosexual, so they say they are bi, and attempt to have 'normal' relationship.

Quite possibly when she identified as Bi it was a phase and she has come to terms with who she is and that is a lesbian.

Identity is a very fluid thing and we cannot force our opinion of who they should be on them. THey have to come to terms with who they are and we just have to support them and the process.

You're probably right, and I'm trying really hard not to be selfish here, and be that supportive friend that you describe. Unfortunately for me, I'm a straight guy who also happens to be SO in love with her. Now, I have this feeling of hopelessness that overcomes me ever since she told me this, and it's something I just can't seem to shake.

I'm trying so hard to exercise my words, actions, and my feelings with her to the point where I can genuinely and sincerely see her in the light of only as a friend, but what I feel is total different...I love her, and I'm in love with her. This really sucks!

I'm sorry, but I desperately need some help and advice here...
Please, anybody...

It pains me that she is now saying she is a lesbian now too, and I that will never have a chance with her now, because of it. So how can I get myself to fall out of love, and still maintain a healthy friendship with her?

I can't tell you what to do. Only you can express your feelings to her, but other than that, you can either support her or not. Her life is her life. Her sexuality and happiness is up to her. Either you can support it or not. That is all you can really do in this situation, sorry.