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Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: Solalux] #566935 11/25/09 09:40 AM
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Solalux my question was as sensible as ur post #565882 is. I dont know why u think i am judginag u when all i asked was a question rephrasing ur post ? u can either answer it or say u did not mean it. of course it is a support forum but it does not mean u can not question any body. by the way do u call any post that u dont like as troll ? lol

Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: Cool_Friend] #566940 11/25/09 10:52 AM
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Chelle - Marriage Editor Offline
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This is a very emotional thread and one that is hard for people to admit to.

Women are saying things "out loud" that we are not even supposed to think, much less speak or write.

Although the questions that you asked, gullivera & cool_friend, might seem innocent and non-threatening to you (and they did to me also) - to someone who is already feeling guilty about writing these words it comes off as an accusation. Remember, we can't hear voice inflection or tone on the internet - so we make it up in our heads as we read a post.

I am sure what Melody3 heard was "well, why didn't you just get an abortion then?1?1"

And Cool_Friend, tacking "lol", "laugh out loud" onto the end of every post is hardly the way to make people feel like you are trying to be understanding and supportive on this thread. It feels more like you are making fun of situations. I imagine you are doing it thinking it takes the sting out of some of your comments, but unfortunately that is not the way it comes across.

If everyone would remember to just be compassionate on this thread it would help a lot. These women are not saying they hate their children. If they did they would have done something drastic long ago. They hate the job of being a mother. here really is a huge difference between the two.


Michelle Taylor
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Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: Chelle - Marriage Editor] #566942 11/25/09 01:05 PM
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Thank you Spirituality for explaining the situation, and the way Melody3 took my question was certainly not my intention. However, I still think there is a "decent and respectful" way of communicating with each other, and her accusing me and just her overall harsh post based on my question is not, especially when all I did was ask a question, not even adding a comment. BUT, she already apologised and explained, so like I said, no hard feelings. We are all humans.

Last edited by gullivera; 11/25/09 01:07 PM.
Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: gullivera] #567100 11/25/09 03:58 PM
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Despite your explanation, your question deeply offended me and still does, as it would any mother. The question itself, innocent or not, is inappropriate.

Allow me to explain why it makes me so angry...I'm tired of defending myself. I don't think I should have to because it doesn't matter why I'm in my situation, how I got there, just that it is as it is. It irks me when someone tells me that it's my fault for being in this situation, they were my choices, I didn't have to have children, I chose their father, etc. (I'm not saying that you're saying that, just what has happened to me in other conversations.) I'm not stupid and I know that they were my choices, but it shouldn't matter. If someone is asking for help and is genuinely overwhelmed, exhausted, etc., why deny them the comfort they seek? Is it really okay to leave someone to suffer because you think they earned it? People should have mercy on those who are suffering, whether it is internal or external, because that altruistic action may reciprocate when you make your own bed and have to lie in it.

People have asked me that question before, gullivera, and they're lucky they walked away unharmed, but it wasn't an innocent question from them, but rather like the way Michelle explained it, which is exactly the way I took it. "You shouldn't have had a baby if you couldn't take care of it" is what I've heard before. Which to me, is a completely disrespectful, indecent, horrible thing to say to a mother holding a child that is overwhelming her and I reciprocate that disrespect whether it's right or not.

Noone in my family really helped me because that is what they believed and because they all thought I should have had an abortion. My husband didn't want me to, though, citing religious reasons at me that would condemn me. I sided with him because it was another chance to have a normal pregnancy and a second chance for him to treat me right, but he was kicked out for a drunken rage that endangered my life when I was five months pregnant, two weeks before Christmas. During his rehab, he sent no money. I did everything alone after that with absolutely no support system and during the second and third trimester, I felt more connected to her than anyone else and wanted her because noone else did. I spent the first year of her life defending her existence vehemently, but questioning it myself because of all the negativity. She won everyone over, of course, but I am still judged for my situation, for being an "idiot" for having too many kids. It infuriates me and makes me crazy that so many people out there view me and my children like that because they only care enough to poke fun, but not enough to lend a hand or a small comfort or maybe it's to excuse themselves from feeling any responsibility towards a fellow human being. But when I am overwhelmed, who can I turn to? When I hate that I am alone with so much work to do, who will listen without judging?

Not that things are that way all the time now. I proved everyone in my family to be sorry for what they said or did and they have learned their lesson because things happened to them, too, for which I did not treat them the way they treated me. Things are also much better and more supportive since the time when I first posted this thread, so it is irrelevant to my situation now.

Anyway, I'm done with this. This is the last time I will even read this thread because it's gotten out of control and I don't feel comfortable here anymore.

Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: Chelle - Marriage Editor] #567472 11/26/09 09:59 PM
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Michelle thanks , ur post did explain me some very important points i might have overlooked. btw does not " lol " mean lots of love ? or is it laugh out loud ? i m really not sure. take care

Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: Cool_Friend] #567528 11/27/09 01:28 PM
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Chelle - Marriage Editor Offline
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No wonder you were using it all the time!

No - LOL means "Laughing Out Loud"
ROTFL - "Rolling on The Floor Laughing"
LMBO - "Laughing my Butt Off"

and they go on from there

Here's a site that tells you what most text acronyms means:
Texting Acronyms



Michelle Taylor
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Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: Cool_Friend] #567715 11/29/09 04:14 AM
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Cool person- That is what you are cool; no cold hearted. You may have your opinions, however if you are on this thread keep you judgments to yourself!! Solalux has helped numerous people on this site and I for one appreciate her honesty. Now as far as you are concerned I DO NOT appreciate your judgments. Go elsewhere.

Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: sann] #652531 12/30/10 03:32 PM
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Well this is the new year, and I read all ur comments, I must say by the end of it all I felt better and relieved. Thank God Im not the only one. And motherhood really does have its ups and downs. this posting has def helped me, Im pretty sure I'll have my moment again. But no Im curious...whats up with you ladies? How's everything now? How old are children now, whats new? whats exciting, whats the new spiritual and mental discovering. Please do share the new experiences!!!

Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: nubeginning] #652533 12/30/10 03:44 PM
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Hi NU, I haven't read all of the posts but the title, 'I hate being a mother' has applied to me for the past 30 years lol. I really have not enjoyed being a mother for most of it. Lots of reason but mainly I guess I am selfish and I like my alone time and I think kids are a pain in the head.

I have two sons who are now 29 years and 23 years old and I cannot remember a day when the two of them could be in the same room and getting on.

We spent Christmas day together this year but by the end of it I was so happy to drop my youngest son home and sneak off to my room for alone time. I live with my eldest son.

I usually say 'I hate my kids equally' but my sisters tells me that's a bad thing to say!!

Peace

Last edited by Linda - Islam; 12/30/10 03:50 PM.

Linda Heywood

Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: Linda19] #652631 12/30/10 07:34 PM
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Hi Ladies,

I just wanted to add some words of encouragement from an "older" mom.

I also had twins, and when they were very young, I felt exactly as you did—I adored my children, but I hated my day-to-day life. It was all about work, work, work, and mom, mom, mom. There was no more Maria. Occasionally, my husband would say, "You're no fun anymore." And I would think, "D*mn straight!" I wasn't any fun, because my life was 100% about caring for other people—people that I loved, mind you, but still other people, never about me. We all need time to ourselves, and our modern society, with two working parents (or in some of y'all's cases, one working parent, which is you), doesn't allow for this.

Unfortunately, most of us can't change our current situations, regardless of how we came to be in that situation, so all we can do is grin and bear it. Now here's the encouraging part: when my kids were young, even when I felt like crying or screaming, I just kept on smiling. I pretended to be happy and showed those little girls constant love and attention, even when I was so-o-o not feeling it, because, as someone else mentioned, they didn't ask to be born, and they deserved my best.

After 7 or 8 years of giving til it hurt, something wonderful happened—my babies turned into confident, secure, independent little ladies. And I think it's because they never doubted their own worth and lovability due to the way I treated them. Now they are 13 years old, and they are my favorite people in the whole world. Yeah, I'm still their mom, and they still need a lot from me, but we're also friends, and there is give and take. We shop together and watch movies together and bake cookies together, and sometimes, they take care of me.

It still isn't easy; there's never enough time or money, but my kids are old enough and sensitive enough to understand, and try to help out where they can. Honestly, my children bring me only joy now. So to all of you struggling mom's of young children, I say, yes, it's a thankless, slave-like job, especially if you have little or no help, but if you can just hang in there, it does pay off in the end.

--Maria

Last edited by MariaRomana-DTP/eBooks Ed; 12/30/10 07:38 PM.
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