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outcast #561687
11/04/09 09:38 AM
11/04/09 09:38 AM
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2
uk
chestnut Offline OP
Newbie
chestnut  Offline OP
Newbie
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 2
uk
Hi All just joined the forum feeling emotionally confused with no one to talk to who understands. Been happily with my partner for 16 yrs ,he doesnt want kids and I have been happy most of the time but obviously being a woman have sometimes thought about having kids but decided it wasnt for me. Now at 40 am going through a difficult time and feeling a bit of an outcast with friends and work collegues. Sick of people asking me why i have no children and feeling that i have to justify this to people. obviously at my age there will be mixed emotions on my part. just wanted to chat to people who dont think having no kids is abnormal!!!!!!!

Living Without Children - Automated Note
For New Visitors: This forum exists as a support community for people who are living a child-free existence. This area is here to help nurture, inspire and educate those who, for whatever reason, are living their lives without children in the home.

Posts made here must be supportive of this lifestyle choice. Comments should not question a person's decision to or reasons for being child free. Those negative comments are called "bingoing" or "trolling" and are not allowed. Please be sure you are aware of this forum's intentions and rules before posting!

Re: outcast [Re: chestnut] #561699
11/04/09 11:39 AM
11/04/09 11:39 AM
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 22
Canada
F
fastfox Offline
Newbie
fastfox  Offline
Newbie
F
Joined: Mar 2009
Posts: 22
Canada
Hang in there. Not too many more years before people stop asking. The feeling of being an outcast, I suspect, will always be there a little if only because you (me, we) are on a different path from the majority. Friends who had kids will eventually return as their children start to have a life of their own. Hopefully those friends haven't changed too much and you can get right back to enjoying their company as before kids.

Re: outcast [Re: fastfox] #561700
11/04/09 11:47 AM
11/04/09 11:47 AM
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 549
J
Jellyroll Offline
Gecko
Jellyroll  Offline
Gecko
J
Joined: May 2009
Posts: 549
Aw, you definitely are not abnormal. Although I sometimes feel the exact same way. People have a really cruddy way of making me feel as if I'm almost a horrible person for being child free. We just have to learn to move on and remind ourselves that we don't live for the world, we live for ourselves. Your choice is your own, there's no shame in that.

You have to come to terms that people may never stop asking. Think about it, when you become an old lady, people will still be asking you why you never had children. I've come to terms with this. People will always ask no matter what I say or do. All I can do is grow some thicker skin, and continue living my life as I see fit.

Re: outcast [Re: Jellyroll] #561926
11/04/09 08:38 PM
11/04/09 08:38 PM
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 3
California
L
LemonDrop Offline
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LemonDrop  Offline
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L
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 3
California
Hi Chestnut, Being a childfree 40ish woman can definitely mess with one's mind. The hormones are ridiculous, not to mention the people who have no clue what you are going through! I believe that as long as CF is for you and you truly feel comfortable in your own skin, that you will feel less and less like an "outcast". I too had felt like an outcast for a few years. I had always felt pretty "normal" and when all of our lives took shape and I was the only woman in the family (or group of friends, etc.) without children, it made me feel a sense of panic. Like the world had kept turning but I had somehow jumped off. Like there was an exclusive club that I could not be a member of. I now felt "different" and in many ways I think I projected this image upon myself negatively. I really think that (most) people don't really care all that much about my CF status, even family. Sometimes offhand remarks are said that may sting, but I really don't think it's personal, it's just where that person is coming from in their life's experience. I still feel "different" - offbeat and unique - but see it as a good thing! If you are a courteous human being and people give you a hard time for being you, they are the ones with the problem! You are not alone!!!!

Re: outcast [Re: chestnut] #561945
11/04/09 09:37 PM
11/04/09 09:37 PM
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 275
Canada
C
cream pie Offline
Shark
cream pie  Offline
Shark
C
Joined: Oct 2008
Posts: 275
Canada
Hi chestnut ** Any time you feel like an outcast just come read the postings on this thread/forum. We are an elite group of 'out of the box' thinkers here. Sooo do something spontanious ~ go shopping and buy something special, go to a movie, book a special weekend away with your s/o, get a facial/pedicure. There are so many things you can affort to do/ have time to do since you don't have rugrats to deal with.

Enjoy your freedom and besides you've got your s/o all to yourself. lovers

cp


Childfree and content. Life is good.
Re: outcast [Re: cream pie] #563481
11/10/09 04:46 PM
11/10/09 04:46 PM
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 12
H
HappytobeMe Offline
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HappytobeMe  Offline
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H
Joined: Aug 2009
Posts: 12
"Be yourself, there are already so many others"

Re: outcast [Re: chestnut] #563534
11/10/09 07:26 PM
11/10/09 07:26 PM
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 397
M
missyT Offline
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missyT  Offline
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Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 397
Well, there are two good things one is that you're living the life that you and your husband have chosen (so congrats on that) The other, is that you are 40, and soon people will let up! I'm 28 and I'm thinking soon people will stop asking like when I'm 30...lol. I guess this is untrue. Anyway, the answer to these people's intrusive and judgemental comments is as follows. "MY REPRODUCTIVE CHOICE IS A PERSONAL MATTER WHICH I DON'T DISCUSS WITH ANYONE BUT MY HUSBAND." Also, look into joining your local NO KIDDING chapter. I recently did this.

Re: outcast [Re: missyT] #563640
11/11/09 03:21 AM
11/11/09 03:21 AM
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 141
Shnicky Offline
Jellyfish
Shnicky  Offline
Jellyfish
Joined: Nov 2007
Posts: 141
I turned 35 last year and thought people would stop asking but no such luck! I agree it's annoying but you know why you've made your decision, and you just have to find some cool friends who share your passions to spend time with.

There's no help for the workplace though generally...most people have kids and it's hard not to feel like the odd one out. I guess I should be used to it (I stick out in all sorts of other ways) but everyone likes to feel a sense of belonging now and then! That's why I come to this forum.

Re: outcast [Re: cream pie] #563644
11/11/09 03:32 AM
11/11/09 03:32 AM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 170
Alabama
B
beth_m Offline
Jellyfish
beth_m  Offline
Jellyfish
B
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 170
Alabama
Quote:
There are so many things you can affort to do/ have time to do since you don't have rugrats to deal with.


Tonight I'm sitting in front of the computer. My husband is playing Xbox w/headset while my dog pitter-patters around on the floor. No noises other than that. No screaming, hyper kids around. That's paradise to me!

I like to quote Forrest Gump when people ask about why I don't want kids -- "it's, you know, one less thing!". Hope I could cheer you up!

Re: outcast [Re: beth_m] #563672
11/11/09 08:50 AM
11/11/09 08:50 AM
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 306
Luxembourg
S
Solalux Offline
Shark
Solalux  Offline
Shark
S
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 306
Luxembourg
Misstalia and Schnicky: people will never ever stop asking, if anything (as Jellyroll, I think, once said), when you turn 45 or 50 they will change the question to "why didn't you have children?". And I can very well imagine that you might get some pity looks, too. So always be prepared, lol.

Last edited by Solalux; 11/11/09 08:51 AM.
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