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I hate being a mother. Anyone else? #548785
09/15/09 08:26 PM
09/15/09 08:26 PM
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MelodyFor3 Offline OP
Amoeba
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Everyone will think I am so awful for this, but I hate being a mother. I really hate being a mother. I have three kids and never a moment's peace. I'm currently at work (doing something I shouldn't, but I am feeling down). My first pregnancy was twins. Because I had no health insurance, I didn't know it was twins until I was four months pregnant. When I saw the ultrasound, I cried for two weeks straight because I knew my life was over and it was too late for selective abortion in my eyes. I cried so hard in the doctor's office, they sent me outside to calm down. I didn't want twins. I didn't ask for that. Who the hell asks to have two babies at once? I wanted ONE. Just one, but no, God thought that was a funny plan and decided to plant two instead of one. When they were a little over 1 year old, I was at the doctor's office for birth control to get off the "mini-pill" from nursing and I was two weeks too late. Another baby girl. I had to work until two weeks before delivery and I took care of the twins while pregnant...all of this by myself because daddy was out getting drunk, so I kicked him out. After she was born, I was put on medication for a year and all it did was numb me to the point of not caring. Therapy did nothing. The therapists agreed: yup, your life sucks, and it won't get any better any time soon. Their dad has been a complete [censored] from the beginning. I had to do all the work and all the planning. He's come and gone. I kept taking him back because I have no choice. It's either some help or nothing. I have had to sacrifice everything that made me happy as an individual. I lost two years of my life by having to stay home because childcare was more expensive than my weekly pay. I lost my career of choice in the sciences where I excel and thrive and have lost all credibility there. I lost my ability to get my master's. I don't get enough sleep. they won't leave me alone to exercise. I can't eat the foods I like because I have to cook for picky eaters (meaning I want nothing but vegetables and they eat everything BUT vegetables no matter how many times I try). I never have any time or money for myself and it is the same [censored] every day...drop off the kids, go to work, pick up the kids, go home. there's no money for anything else. Their dad is hardly ever around and has to work out of town all the time, so I'm always doing it alone. I can't even go for a walk if I want. And I even had to give up my cat because they're all allergic, who was my only friend when I was down. When I dropped her off, their father wasn't even sympathetic. It's just expected of me to give up everything and be a slave to everyone in the house. I'm sick and tired of sacrificing every part of me. Their dad hasn't given up a single thing; his life hasn't changed a bit. He's the fun parent while I do all the f'n work. I have begged him for some freedom, tried to coerce him, and even threatened him. I fear that I will snap if I don't get some freedom. I feel like a prisoner in my own house and I just want to be myself for a little while, not mom all the time. But every goal I try to set gets dashed. Every moment of peace I try to find gets taken away. I want to run away, but what's the point? My body has been deformed from having two large twins and a sumo baby. There's no money for me to go anywhere. Noone would take me in if they knew I abandoned my family. I am so trapped and I hate my life. I have tried to find joy in my life the way it is. I just don't see it anymore. I cry every time I have to go home and that sucks. It's just the endless chores that I am required to do day in and day out. I play with them and smile and laugh with them, read them stories, do my duties and tell them I love them, but that's all it is. After they go to bed, I have to clean up the mess and prepare for the next day. There's no time for anything else. I hate it. I wish I could start over. I've even considered dropping my kids off for adoption to do just that. But I'm considered a monster for thinking such things. I love my kids, but I can't stand being their mother. It's too demanding and I've been pushed too far. I've lost too much at this point and I want it back. Noone seems to understand my frustration and anger, which makes me feel more bitter and angry. I am all alone in this cruel world. Well, that's my rant. I feel a little better just getting it out. Time to go. I have to start the "second shift". Yay.

Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: MelodyFor3] #548787
09/15/09 08:36 PM
09/15/09 08:36 PM
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 85
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MelodyFor3 Offline OP
Amoeba
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Never mind. i saw another forum on this. funny, my fault for not paying attention.

Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: MelodyFor3] #564715
11/16/09 03:20 AM
11/16/09 03:20 AM
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lglpn09 Offline
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OMG! I'm so glad I ran across this as I was playing on the internet and yelling @ my kids at the same time. I'm so glad I am not alone in this. It's good to know there are other moms who feel the same way too. The question is what can we do about it? I can't go on feeling this way. Sometimes I just want to pack my bags and leave but I don't want them to be put in foster homes. I basically am in a similiar situation. My boyfriend works 2 jobs. He's barely here and when he is here he's asleep. He thinks his job is only to provide. I can't even get a full time job cause I have no one to watch my kids. I hate this! Not a day goes by that I don't wish I could turn back. I made a BIG, BIG, BIG mistake! I grew up in a verbally abusive family, never got along with my mother or sisters. I always use to say that when I grew up I wanted to meet a man who would love me and who I could love. I wanted a family. I wanted to be happy. But what I got is a nightmare. I want out. I feel like I've been sentenced to life in jail. I have no freedom. I have noone and nothing. I am still not loved. I hate my boyfriend. I hate him for not helping. I hate that he's free and I'm not. It takes 2 to make a baby but why am I the only one suffering? I have thrown him out hundreds of times but I keep taking him back because as you've stated some help is better than nothing. So now I'm stuck with kids I don't want and a man that I do not want. My life sucks!

Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: lglpn09] #564792
11/16/09 03:15 PM
11/16/09 03:15 PM
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Cool_Friend Offline
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u said " So now I'm stuck with kids I don't want and a man that I do not want " well u can not turn back time & undo it but u can definitely get out of this prison & start over leave everything behind that hold u back be it ur boyfriend , kids , faimly etc except urself. I can see in ur situation only u are suffering . why should u you keep carrying what u dont want ? Dont keep thinking & wishing only , u have to be bold enough to act . U dont need to keep paying alone for what u & ur husband both participated in . we only get one life & so dont waste it for every body else . . there is nothing in this world u can not get again Be it boyfriend , husband , kids , house may be in much better form. There is nothing more important in this world than ur freedom & longing for freedom is not selfish .

Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: Cool_Friend] #564797
11/16/09 03:54 PM
11/16/09 03:54 PM
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MelodyFor3 Offline OP
Amoeba
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Tell you what, I am almost embarrassed when I read what I wrote. I was angry and frustrated and hurt that my feelings were being ignored. Once I got out my rant and had calmed down, I focused on all the things I should be thankful for and realized that life wasn't that bad.

Yes, I'm still jealous that he gets more time off than I do, but I am trying so hard to focus on the fact that I should be a good mother to my kids. They do not need me to be resentful and angry. They need me to be happy to be there with them, so I try harder.

I'll give you an idea on the reason I had to reflect...my son asked me one day if I loved him and then asked me if I was mad at him. He looked so sad that I felt horrible for wanting to leave him. It's not his fault. It's mine for choosing their father. One day they will see every little thing I have done for them and they will see what he hasn't done unless he changes it. I told him this and he made some improvements.

I started forcing time for myself. I called friends and family to take over for me every once in a while. I made a list for myself on how I could improve my life, without him in my list. If he was going to help me, great, but if not, then I'll do it myself.

I know it's hard, but you will get past this. I think every mother has felt this at one time or another (including my own mother who told me later), and it is important for mothers to support eachother for when this happens. Remember that you love and adore your children and they love and adore you. Look at their baby pictures, play with their hair, sing a song to yourself, or dance crazy to weird music until you find that it can be fun to be a mom. Relax, breathe, and remember that we've all felt that way at some time.

Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: MelodyFor3] #565613
11/19/09 05:39 AM
11/19/09 05:39 AM
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Mom Site Editor Offline
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Being a mother does involve a huge sacrifice and your life is never the same. I, too, made the fatal mistake of choosing the wrong man to marry. But I love being a mother. My kids smiles and the funny things they say give me so much happiness and make my life worth living.

It's not always easy to be a mom, but your kids are with you for only a short time. The first few years are the most challenging. Perhaps you need to ask for help, from a relative or neighbor if your husband or boyfriend won't do his part.

Time alone on a regular basis is vital to maintaining your sanity.

I know that this may sound harsh, but your kids didn't ask to be born. There is nothing worse than feeling like an unloved and unwanted mistake. And even if you don't say it out loud, your children will pick up on it.

Yes, your life will never be the same again. But we all have our challenges. Some people have cancer or some other dreaded disease, others have physical disabilities and so on.

Stop using your kids as an excuse for not living the life you want and not achieving your goals. Yes, things will be more difficult, but you've also incredibly blessed.

You may not look at it this way, but having 3 healthy, normal kids is a great blessing. Ask people who have kids with illnesses and disabilities...or whose kids have died.

Focus on what you have to be grateful for, get some help and start setting small, achievable goals that will lead you in the direction of your dreams.

God Bless and Good Luck!


Kelly Aveiro
Editor-Moms Site at Bella Online
For Moms Only Advice, Inspiration & Tips For Moms Who Want to Be The Best They Can Be.

Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: Mom Site Editor] #565760
11/19/09 05:25 PM
11/19/09 05:25 PM
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MelodyFor3 Offline OP
Amoeba
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You may not realize it, but you sound a bit condescending, which is probably harsh to you. If you love being a mother, you have no idea what it feels like to be at the diving point and ready to give it all up. It's not easy for all of us because there is a huge amount of mothers who do hate it sometimes, some of which posted on this site and just want an ear to listen to them vent out their frustrations since noone else cares to listen. Without that venting, the battle inward rages and it hurts ourselves and those around us, which is exactly what we don't want.

If you had completed reading the thread, you would have seen that after venting it out, I was embarrassed and wanted to retract it because I felt better. I've learned to adapt now in my situation at home and because there are other mothers here to talk to, even if it is in a virtual world.

Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: Mom Site Editor] #565882
11/20/09 08:42 AM
11/20/09 08:42 AM
Joined: Dec 2008
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Solalux Offline
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Originally Posted By: Mom Site Editor
Being a mother does involve a huge sacrifice and your life is never the same. I, too, made the fatal mistake of choosing the wrong man to marry. But I love being a mother. My kids smiles and the funny things they say give me so much happiness and make my life worth living.


I guess you are answering a particular post, and you make good points.

I just wanted to say that, I am married to a wonderful man, and, although I don't use the word hate anymore, let's say, I don't enjoy being a mother. My son was unwanted (by me) I considered abortion, didn't do it for the sake of my husband, who really wanted to be a father. And he is the best father in the world. I never liked children, or rather I could see the cuteness in them and all, but I never got to understand, why people have them.

When he was born I felt only sorry and for him. Some days were better than others, but I pretty much hated my life. Things have improved, my son is over 2 years old, funny, I love him. But I would never have another child. I REALLY don't like the job.

What I mean is, every case is different, maybe some people are unhappy in the marriage, and pick on their children. But it is not always like that. You say you love being a mother no matter what, and that is wonderful. But it is not like that for everybody. For sure not in the "I hate being a mom" thread.

Last edited by Solalux; 11/20/09 08:43 AM.
Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: Solalux] #566155
11/21/09 03:24 PM
11/21/09 03:24 PM
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gullivera Offline
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Melodyfor3, may I ask you why you didn't consider abortion when you found out you were pregnant the 2nd time? If you knew it was already hard enough with twins, why go ahead and have a 3rd child?

Re: I hate being a mother. Anyone else? [Re: Solalux] #566322
11/22/09 05:57 PM
11/22/09 05:57 PM
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Cool_Friend Offline
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well if ur son was unwanted u should have never brought him in to this world , as u said " u never see any cuteness in them " pretty much says it all how difficult it is for you to love ur unwanted son . see there is nothing wrong in not liking kids but its unfair to have kids only to please ur husband while deep down u urself consider ur son as something imposed upon u . sorry if I sound harsh but its difficult to understand how can u love ur son when u dont want him at all ? as u said in ur post. lol

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