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Joined: Jul 2009
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I can totally relate to your pain. I found a great book that helped me. It is called, "Will I ever be good enough, Healing the daughters of narcissistic mothers." By Karyl McBride, Ph.D. You can find it on Amazon.com. I just bought two more copies of it for friends of mine who are going through the same thing. Hang in there and stay strong. Good for you in writing that letter. And even if you don't get a response, at least you know you got it off your chest. Hugs to you. Big Hugs to you dear.

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So just an update. I realized that I haven't written on here since the big 4th of July Brew-haha. =) I sent my mom a 5 page,very loving,from the heart, but also telling her how I want to live my life free from the head games and would be willing to work with her if she so chose to do that and paid to overnight it to her so she would receive it the day before I would be 'around' her on the 4th. Well....I was of course scared to death on the 4th when we got to the festivities. But I had a ton of friends there and so it would have been very easy for my mom and I just to avoid each other. Well, the next thing i knew she was standing right in front of me and gave me the biggest hug that i think she has ever given me. Of course I just started sobbing and she proceded to tell me how sorry she was and that she just wanted us to be able 'to enjoy the day together as a family', and that 'she knew we needed to work on things and that she was willing to work on things with me'. So, that made me feel a little bit better, and we were invited to go to dinner at her house and such. The kids really wanted to see their cousins and I wanted to see my siblings so we went. Everything went okay. My mom and I didn't really talk face to face, just more in a goup setting, but it seemed to be going okay. When we went home a few days later, I felt kind of weak, like i had let her win in a way by giving in before we really talked. But my counselor told me that the ball was now in her court and if I was ever around her and she started acting in a manner that I didn't like, that I should just pick up my kids, give her a hug and leave. So that made me feel better. ANYWAY....now a little twist to the story, which has just [censored] me off and has made me feel awful again. (Just some more head games is all.) I got a 2 page hand written letter from my mom a couple of days ago. And when I say 2 pages, I am meaning that it was written on like 5x7 scratch paper and just thrown together. It basically, in a nut shell, told me that she was glad that I was going to therapy to try and get help for myself and that right now 'she just doesn't have the emotional energy to deal with fixing us right now and so she just needs to focus on the good and loving relationships she DOES have with family and friends." And she also told me AGAIN how BAD that rotten mean email from my hubby hurt her and she doesn't know how to get over that right now. (If you don't remember the LOVING email my hubby sent to her, it is posted a few pages back I think?) I don't know why this letter hurt me so badly...I still don't. But it has really messed me up inside. I don't want her to have this control over me anymore. I wanted to call her up and basically B-slap her through the phone, but I didn't. I will see my therapist tomorrow, so that is what is pulling me through right now. My husband is so mad about the letter and wants to talk to my mom SO BADLY but I told him to wait to see what the counselor thinks. I don't want to play her games anymore.....but boy is she good at them. Anyway...just an update. I am feeling really bad again...I was feeling much better for a while, but now the sickness is back and I feel like I just want to dissapear. I am hoping that tomorrows therapy session will help somewhat with these feelings? Hope everyone has a great night! Thanks for listening guys! thisisme

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thisisme,
You know, I will be quite frank with you. When I read about how she gave you the hug, I almost cried. I thought that was awesome and seemed like you were on the road to healing with your mom. Then, I read about her letter that she sent you two days later and the things she said and I became quite angry that someone could be so harsh and seemingly uncaring.

The reason I said all of that is to say this -- I can now understand where you are coming from and see the abuse she has been perpetrating against you. It's emotional abuse to an extreme. You have every right to all the emotions that you must be feeling right now. But, I want to ask you to please not blame yourself during this time. What has transpired is not your fault and I'm sure your husband has also told you this. It's ok to feel hurt, confused, angry etc.

I am also very relieved to hear that you will be seeing your therapist tomorrow and am sort of curious as to what they recommend you do.

Please feel free to come back to these forums and vent and talk as much as you need. I am here for you.

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Kelli, Thank you so much! This group has been so helpful to me, and hearing other people "cheer me on" is so SO SO encouraging to me when I just feel like giving up and 'disappearing'! I really appreciate all of the kind words and just always know that you are helping somebody greatly!!! love, thisisme =)

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thisisme,
I'm so happy to hear that this forum has helped you and encouraged you so much. Please don't 'disappear.' Again, I am here for you.

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