BellaOnline Forums Family Child Abuse I'm new here and hoping to get some answers!!!

The therapy went well. I am supposed to work on "loving and nuturing myself" right now. Hmmmmm? How do I do that??? lol? I need a homework book or something!!!! =) I am going to see him again next Tuesday, and I do feel comfortable with him so all is well right now? Thanks!

thisisme,
I'm so happy that you are seeing a therapist! I love that he told you to work on loving and nurturing yourself. I remember the first time a therapist told me that same thing and I thought to myself, "yeah, right!" So, I understand where you are at with it. I was told to go into the bathroom a few times a day, look at myself in the mirror, and tell myself, "You are special." or "I love you." That was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but you know what? It actually helped me! I also learned to stop calling myself names and to stop saying I was sorry to everyone for everything. Those were ways that I learned to love and nurture myself. I also learned to do things for myself...special things. For instance, treating myself to a manicure or getting a nice haircut. Those are some examples for you to try. I hope they help.

Kelli, Thanks for the suggestions. I TOTALLY relate to the "hardest thing you've ever had to do". I can't even think about doing that right now. I cry everytime I even think about someone else loving me. I feel like such a burden to people! I know that I need to get over that feeling, it will just take some time. And I had to laugh at you saying that you had to stop saying "sorry" to people all of the time. I say sorry SO MANY times a day it is not even funny!!!! So I will try and stop doing that!!! Thanks for your continued support!

thisisme,
I am always here for you and the others that visit this forum.
After seeing a specialist for the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, I learned how to be more aware of how many times a day I called myself a name, such as 'stupid', or said I was sorry to someone. I can look back at it now and laugh. I remember saying I'm sorry to the grocery store clerk one day, when the price didn't register in the computer. I guess I felt it was my fault for not making sure I had an item with the tag on it. Go figure! For those of us that are used to apologizing for everything and to everyone, we can relate to that story because we probably find ourselves doing the very same thing. You're right in that it does take time, but it is possible to learn to nurture and love ourselves. I'm living proof of that! Granted I am not completely there yet, I am still in the learning process. But, I can also say that I have come so far! And you will succeed as well!

LOL!!! I have totally apologized to grocery store clerks on NUMEROUS occasions!!! That is too funny!!! I am becoming more aware of how many times a day I do say sorry to people and it is astounding!!!! It will definitely take a LOT of work for me to stop saying sorry to everyone all of the time!! I think that is the one word I use more than any other word..really! I guess that the word could be much worse though...right??? LOL =)

Fourth of July is coming! Closer and closer and closer!!!!! AAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I know that I will see my mom on that day, but it doesn't mean that I have to go to her house or interact with her!! I am just hoping that everything goes well that day!!!!! Sorry, I just had to vent my anxiety's here for a minute!!! (ooops I just apologized without realizing it! and my first instinct after just typing that is to apologize for apologizing...but I won't do that!!!! =) LOL!!! I am not sorry for a dang thing!!! =O (I'll keep telling myself that!!! =) I hope that you all have a wonderful 4th of July Holiday! I will vent on here after the 4th and let ya'll know how it went!!!! Just cross your fingers for me and know that I pray for you all everyday!! God Bless You and God Bless America!!!!! WoooooWhoooooo!!!! =)

thisisme,
Continue to stand strong! I know it is difficult and I know that your stomach is probably in knots. Just keep in mind that this holiday you will spend your time with your husband and children and having a wonderful time, free of the abuse from your mother. As for apologizing, please don't apologize for what you share here. Your feelings and thoughts are welcome!

I hope you have a beautiful holiday and that it is filled with love and laughter!

I had a terrible experience this morning. I have newly confronted my parents about the physical, emotional, verbal abuse and neglect I endured being raised by them. My dad was a vietnam vet and mom's first husband was killed in vietnam. They were heavy drinkers and couldn't deal with their own pain. Although I understand and feel bad about that, I feel it was unfair to bring three children along for the ride. They were too self absorbed to know or care what was going on while they were partying with other couples. On weekends they would get together with other drinkers. Us kids were to be quiet and away from them. I was sexually abused by two different abusers on seperate occasions. One went on for some time and happened to be by a child, she was about 3 years older than me the other was a man as old as my dad. Somone who drank with him a few times. I started having flashbacks today. I realize it is because I have now started to get this out, but feel just like I did when it was happening. For hours I sat here completly worthless and basically sat around the house all morning just making sure the kids were taken care of. Am I crazy?

notjustme,
No, you are NOT crazy! Flashbacks are very scary to go through. It seems like you are right in the midst of the abuse all over again, when having flashbacks. They are very difficult to go through. My parents were also alcoholics and sadly, drinking came before the kids. They spent most of their time in the local bars. Sometimes, I remember the crazy ride that we all went through, as kids. It's very hard to process through everything.

Do you have a therapist? Is there someone you can talk to? You need to have a strong support system in place as you go through this.

I am here for you. Feel free to talk and share all you want.

notjustme, First of all, hello and welcome! You have found help!!!! This is a WONDERFUL place and has helped me tremedously!!!!! I am sorry to hear about your abuse and just know that NONE of it was your fault!!! About the flashbacks....I recently started therapy and self help books and it is funny how your brain starts to peel away 'layers' and you start to find really raw vivid memories there that you have not had before. I am remembering so much more than I ever have. Sometimes it is a bad thing to remember and it hurts really really BAD! But think of it like this. Those memories are there just sitting there like poison even if you aren't 'thinking' about them. If you haven't tried therapy I would HIGHLY recommend it..just to get YOURSELF better and healthy!!! (it took me years to finally say...I need help!It was a really SCARY thing for me to start the therapy but it is the best thing i have ever done for myself!) It has totally helped me! I have realized a lot of 'sexual' stuff that my father did to me that I have totally suppressed and I have not realized up until now how that has affected my relationship with my hubby whom I truley love and adore and vice verse. All of this warped abuse crud that we carry around with us is seriously just poisoness!! Since my therapy started about 2 weeks ago, I am feeling less anxious and sick to my stomach. It is almost like you have a silent allie with you in your mind at all times that has validated you?? Good luck with everything. and remember that we are all here for you!!!! love--thisisme. And BTW...everyone...I totally wrote my mom a 5 page letter and sent it 'priority' so it would get to her by this afternoon. So I will have to see if she has a reaction tomorrow? But all I care about is that it is DONE and I DID IT!!!!!! I am feeling better and better about this...although, I do have to admit I am more anxious today about tomorrow than I have been for a loooong time!!!!!! It will be okay though!!!!!! You are all my 'secret silent weapon's'!!!!!!!! Love you all...have a great 4th of july weekend!!!!!