BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Child-free Marriage

Hi everyone,

As I'm sure some of you have noticed, I'm on and off of this forum. The last post I made I asked some questions about vasectomies and the process of them, and I wanted to update everybody.

My husband and I were married on March 31, left for our honeymoon that night, came back on April 5, and he had his vasectomy April 6. It worked out perfectly! Fortunately, we were referred to a urologist who has done tons of vasectomies over so many years, and we went up for our consultation. Since I'm 20 and my husband is 25, one of his first questions was, "How long have you been considering a vasectomy?" We both replied at the exact moment, "Four years." I think that vanquished any doubt.

When Tim went to get it done, he and the urologist talked a little bit (I guess to get Tim's mind off of it?) and the urologist understood why Tim would want to be child-free. We were so grateful to have an understanding person rather than someone who'd question our beliefs and feelings on the subject.

Now we are married, have our own house (we took advantage of the economy and had a great reduced price), and every day Tim and I talk about how lucky we are to be child-free. I can't imagine waking up in our home to sounds of crying kids or seeing crayons on these walls. Just the fact that my husband and I can make coffee in the mornings and enjoy sipping it in silence and with no interruptions is such a beautiful thing to me; that, and the fact it will never change.

We're also planning to travel every year on our wedding anniversary, which would be close to impossible with kids. We are great budgeters and instead of saving up for some kid's college education, we have retirement accounts and hope to retire much earlier than many people get to. We're already reaping the benefits of child-freedom and our journey's just begun.

I'm sure the answer is yes for most of you, but does anybody else get a thrill just out of living because you don't have kids? What are some of the little and simple things you love having available to you because you are child-free?

Being child-free, I am consistently thankful for something I don't have. Imagine that.

Yes, yes and yes I'm 42 and I still feel like you, I've been with my husband 18 years married for 11 and I get a huge kick still out of CF living. We have travelled the world, both have good careers and we have a marriage a lot of friends are so jealous of. Whilst I've watched friends have children, lose their social lives, never travelled anywhere interesting and their marriage either end or are extremely dull, I still adore my choice. My husband and I may be in our 40s but we are like two 20 year olds. For both of us the main reason for being CF was the freedom, the freedom to do what we like when we like. I especially love the fact we have a great social life, we have just booked to see a couple of gigs including AC/DC, U2 and Green Day, as well as a cruise later in the year. My advice to you is have fun, remember the only person you have to look after is your husband and most of all travel as much as you can. Enjoy.

OOOoooo a U2 Concert. Mrsmars, I like your taste in music.

I also have to agree with TimsGirl regarding the coffee thing. There is nothing I love more than getting up on a weekend, making a pot of coffee, and just sitting in silence while sipping away while my husband sleeps in (I've always been an early riser). It's a simple thing, and yet such a joy for me. I have such thankfulness and gratitude for my childfree lifestyle daily, even after almost 20 years of marriage. The only thing I am missing by choosing to be childfree (in my opinion) is stress, pain, and financial pressure.

Karen

Thanks Karen, we also came to the States last year (1 of 3 holidays) and were able to see Heart, Journey & Cheap Trick. Not because we are huge fans, simply because we could. How many parents could say the same.

Ditto, My hubby and I went to sydney, and we are off to Singapore for the great Singapore sale next month... then later on in ther year we are going to Africa. Sooo kewl, I must say tho' that what I enjoy the most and appreciate is when at night we cuddle. I feel soo safe and content

Thanks for all the replies!

Mrsmars, it's wonderful to see that you are 42 and still feel young. That alone tells me you live a less stressful life than people who choose to reproduce.

My husband and I went out to eat last night, and again we were talking about how lucky we were to realize reproducing WAS a choice and that we took care of it quickly (with the vasectomy). We had brought some store ads to go through for coupons and while going through them, I saw so many products for kids and babies that we'll never have to buy. Diapers, kids toothpaste, cough medicine, shampoo, snacks for kids...it's all an extra expense that we'll never have. One of my biggest things with not having kids is not worrying about school. No commuting the kid to school, no helping with homework (I do that already with my husband's college degree right now and it's enough for me!), no worrying about grades, parent conferences, yadda yadda.

Oh, and Green Day is awesome, by the way.

Karen, the coffee thing is just one of the simplest things...but I enjoy it so extensively because I CAN enjoy it. I've always been a person who hates it when I HAVE to do something at a certain time...if it's laundry or dishes, I'll do it on my own time, but I abhor it when I have a set time to do something. Not having kids takes care of a lot of this because I don't have to take them to appointments (while they're being ungrateful about it, because I know I hated going to the doctor etc. as a kid), make breakfast or dinner for them at certain times, etc.

Andso?, cuddling is the best. No interruptions! You can be intimate with your partner and not worry about being interrupted or keeping the lights off or being quiet. That alone is enough to make me child-free.