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Joined: Apr 2009
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You are all right. But, they only been married 2 years. He won't look for help. She seeks counseling. She thinks he is gay. But, it isn't exceptable in their church. So, He feels safe being married to her. She'll keep his secret and He can take care of her. It is kind of an arranged, but he didn't discuss it with her before hand.

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She thinks he's gay? Her intuition is probably correct. It is so hard for religious men to deal with repressed homosexual feelings and their church doctrines.

Do they have children? If not, she should think carefully before continuing in this type of marriage.

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He has two kids with his exwife, while she has three kids with her exhusband. Her kids have known him all their lives. He has always been a part of their lives. She can't have anymore kids. I think she feels the need to protect his secret, even though, he hasn't admitted it. So, they live this way. Our policy in our frienship is always love but never judge. So, I stay true to it.

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Parakeet
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Sometimes men who become uninterested in sex have an underlying medical condition such as erectile dysfunction. If you don't have insurance I recommend doing a google search on arise. I won't tell you it's safe, but I will tell you that it works. lol


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It's their marriage. How they choose to live it is between them. As long as it is mutually acceptable, who are we to say otherwise?


We really don't know the underlying truth.

You're being a good friend.

Joined: Jul 2009
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My husband and i just recently got back together after 3 almost 4 yrs separated. We have been together again for 7 months and have not had any intimacy other than a kiss here and there. He says that he doesn't want to have sex because he doesn't want to end up getting me pregnant again. But I don't want to go on any kind of birth control because the last time it messed with my cycle badly and i don't want that happening again. He's afraid that if i get pregnant i will leave him. (NOTE:* while we were separated he had another women got her pregnant and when the kid was a year old she left him took the kid to another state*) But he doesn't understand is that i'm not like her when i left him i let him keep our daughter he saw her more than i did. I want to have sex, it helps me relax and helps me sleep better. Believe it or not, not having sex has put more tension in my sleeping patterns. I have not slept comfortably since we got back together. He wants to try and get a vasectomy but we can't afford it and he can't stay up if using a condom. I want to try and talk to him to understand if there is other reasons for this but i just can't get myself to talk to him. Nowadays, i don't see him as a sexual partner, during our separation we remained friends and we were always talking on the phone and now i only see him as a friend and can't get myself to confront him in this topic. An advice would be appreciated. Thanks RB

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Rosa, you and your husband are still dealing with a lot when it comes to emotional issues and emotions affect how we as couples have sex.

You must communicate with your husband. You both need to get to the point of feeling comfortable together again. Are you you both talking, asking each other how you feel, massaging each other, going on dates, etc.? Have you and your husband sought out counseling and if not, is it something that would be considered?

On the pregnancy issue, there are many different kinds of birth control you can try. You can look online and read up on all sorts of different options available to you. Or ask a doctor/GYN. They can help inform you on making a decision you will be happy with. I currently was considering getting an IUD inserted. I would suggest deciding on something before you both plan on having sex again. Since it may preoccupy you or your husband during intimacy.

But glad that you and your husband have reunited. I wish you both the best of luck smile


Last edited by Jellyroll; 07/26/09 12:41 AM.
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Thanks Jellyroll, We don't really talk much. He always tries to avoid serious conversations and most of the time goes to hang out with his friend and if i do set up a time where we can hang out and talk he either ignores me or says he's tired and goes to bed. We don't really go on dates, since getting back together we've been trying to catch up on bills and what nots' which really leave us with enought to buy food and gas. Yea a while back i also was thinking about getting an IUD, but the thing is he doesn't want to have any more kids at all whatsoever and he has his mind made up, but i also have my mind set on having at least another kid. He won't even comprise on giving it time. He is looking to have a vasectomy and he seems pretty determined on it.

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I know how these people feel. I am 34 and have been married for 16 years. I feel very lonely quite often. Not because my husband isn't here, he is. He hugs and kisses me but that's it. I want him to want me, to share more with me but i am lucky if we make love 3 maybe 4 times a year. Sometimes: I just feel so overwhelmed that I want to cry, I feel like there is something wrong with me. Like he loves me, but I don't turn him on!I get the excuse all the time, "The Kids". I thought that's why we put a lock on our bedroom door. I guess I should mention too, that we don't share a bed anymore. My husband has snoring issues and has chosen to sleep away from me now for over a year. I really don't know what to do. I am young still and I don't want to not enjoy intimacy. I feel like my marriage is falling apart. Anyone have any suggestions? What have you tried? Has it worked? Thanks

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I would feel like I won the lottery if my wife made love with me 3 or 4 times a year. The last time she allowed me to make love with her was some 30 months ago. Even then she rolled over to go to sleep after she was satisfied while I was left feeling unfulfilled. I don't think she likes sex or feels any need for it in her life.

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