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I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. I get so tired of hearing: "it's just post-partum," or "you're a horrible person and you should be greatful you have two healthy children." Rrrgh! I could go on a long tangent about my story, but mostly it would just be echoing what everyone else here said. I just get tired of hearing that my lack of maternal feelings towards my children is "unnatural" and "sick." I've never been a "baby" person. I think kids are fun when they're walking, talking, toilet-trained, and old enough to interact with on a meaningful level. Kindergarten age. The whole baby-stage is something I wish I could just fast-forward through. I look forward to when I can take my kids places and they'll be old enough to enjoy it and remember it. The "baby" stage feels like it lasts an eternity. I find it so tedious and unrewarding. I will however add that I'm glad I got both kids out of the way now rather than later. They were both mistakes, but my husband was ecstatic, and I know it wouldn't have gotten any more enjoyable for me if I'd waited. At least when I ship 'em off to college I'll still be young enough to get on with my life.

Last edited by Cypher78; 04/12/09 08:59 AM.
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Wow, it's amazing how active this thread is. The following is an article I think many of you can identify with. [url=http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article2044495.ece]I Wanted to be a Full-Time Mother[/url] For those who find that children mess up their marriages, it seems the common theme among those who better their marriages is that they make the effort to spend time with their spouse. For many, this is a big effort, and one mother on a radio talk show equaited it to "going to the gym," saying it's not something you want to do, but you feel so much better afterwards. It certainly doesn't sound romantic, but it's probably worth something considering.

Last edited by DifferentKindofGirl; 04/12/09 04:26 PM.
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I've just returned from the hospital and had my medication adjusted so I'm feeling a lot better. The father is in deep love with the daughter which is good. I'm sticking it out for as long as I can. Not much choice now. Thanks for listening.

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Hello Madness !! I have been studying your post about your reference to the possibility of your child being cursed. It is very interesting to me the fact that you pointed out the state of your familys past three generations. My ears perked up immediately. There are probably not a lot of people that will agree with what I am going to tell you but it is nevertheless true. I am a mystic as my family has been for generations and what I know is that the firstborn daughter of a first born daughter coming from back three generations is spiritually gifted just as the 3rd daughter of a third daughter and the seventh daughter of a seventh daughter. Most familys are not that large anymore to see such a family extention. Cursed? on the contrary !!! Your child will grow up to be able to see deep into the spirit world and will, after going through life's hurdles, will end up helping many other people because of a compassionate nature. You don't have to believe this as many don't but the child is gifted. The reason for such unhappiness in your familys past is that there was no room made for the recognition of an enlightened nature in the chosen individual. Have you noticed anything different about the child as far as advanced maturity? You have something right in front of you that is hidden to the natural eye but not to the spiritual. Allow yourself to see it!!!!!! You will see it even greater in her advancing age. If this helps I am glad.

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No one here was forced to become a mother you all had the option of not becoming one at all. You choose to bear children for whatever reason and this is now your life. If you don't want your children have the courage to put them up for adoption. Kids aren't dumb and they *will* grow up knowing exactly how you really feel about them, I can imagine few things crueler than kids growing up knowing they are unloved and unwanted!

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Sally, I believe your above statement would only apply to those who would be okay with having an abortion, and many women are not okay with that. Not all women "chose" to have children, and not all women have the option of not becoming a mother.

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But they are OK with letting their kids know they are unloved, unwanted, and a burden in their lives? Ultimately it is always a choice to bear a child. Just because some believe it's against their ethics, doesn't mean they don't have a choice, they do, but they are allowing their ethics to make that choice. They still always have a choice in this country. The women in this thread who don't think their kids will know how they feel are completely deluding themselves. Kids always know. It is a truly wicked thing to bring a child into the world by default only to have it grow up knowing it is unloved, unwanted and unwelcome.

Last edited by SallyR; 04/20/09 09:02 PM.
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Sally, I agree that adoption is a good thing for a mom who's not ready. I think a lot of moms don't realize how hard it's really going to be though, and by that time, the thought of giving up their child would be too hard. Many of these moms, though they don't enjoy being a mom, "do" love their kids. I can't imagine how hard it would be for a parent to consider giving up a 2 or 3 year old - or older. If they feel no love for their child though, I agree that adoption would be a good choice - though ti would be very hard, for many different reasons. And again, I stand by my position that abortion is "not" an option for many women - whether it's available to them or not.

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[quote=DifferentKindofGirl]Sally, I agree that adoption is a good thing for a mom who's not ready. I think a lot of moms don't realize how hard it's really going to be though, and by that time, the thought of giving up their child would be too hard. Many of these moms, though they don't enjoy being a mom, "do" love their kids. I can't imagine how hard it would be for a parent to consider giving up a 2 or 3 year old - or older. If they feel no love for their child though, I agree that adoption would be a good choice - though ti would be very hard, for many different reasons. And again, I stand by my position that abortion is "not" an option for many women - whether it's available to them or not. [/quote] Well if their beliefs are so dead set against abortion that they force themselves to bear an unwanted child then it becomes a case of Bed. Made. Lie. At that juncture there is no point is publicly complaining about how much you loathe motherhood or dislike your kid. It is what they chose for their lives through their own actions or inaction. Instead of complaining online perhaps some time spent in counseling or parenting classes would be a better of of their time. They are going to be mother to these children until the day they die, they better learn how to deal with it.

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Sally, I think counseling is a great idea. I agree that we should try to make the best of our situations in life, no matter what they might be. And as you said, abortion or not, adoption or not, these women made the choice to raise these children. Having said all this, I think many of these women truly are trying to make the best of their situations, and some, like the original poster, have made wonderful strides. For those that haven't, and even for those needing improvement, counseling would be a great idea. The OP had a counselor that gave her very disturbing advice about her child though (which she didn't agree with), so it's important to carefully chose and get recommendations.

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