BellaOnline Forums Relationships Dating Will my hard work ever pay off.

There's this guy at work I like. I have done everything I can think of to attract him. I work on my figure which is very good. I wear very appropriate but nicely cut clothes to show it off. I generally wear skirts as i have good legs. I have grown my naturally blonde hair long and now I wear make-up. Last year he was quite taken by how good looking I am. I know he finds me physically attractive.I'm not the most confident in the world but after all the work I put in I know I look better than I ever did. He also requested I work with him on projects. I am very good at my job and he has noticed and praised me for it. I have a good sense of humour and make him laugh all the time. I know he likes me and I know he finds me attractive. He asks me about myself. he invites me for coffee and he touches me.We talk work, sports, politics and the arts which we are both into. we have even flirted. I have done everything all the advice suggests. He is single (at least until 2 wks ago) On Friday I pulled out all the stops and dressed to the nines at a staff meeting. On monday we are having a casual day so I've picked jeans and a sweater that accentuate my waist. Im trying so hard. Will all this work pay off.

If he's not single anymore, the best advice is to search elsewhere. You don't really need him, anyway.

i don't know if hes single or not?

Maybe I misunderstood. When I read: "He is single (at least until 2 wks ago)" I thought you meant he became involved with someone two weeks ago. Now, honestly, I think you may be looking at all this the wrong way. Relationships are not about being physically attractive enough to "catch" someone. It's about who you are on the inside, who he is, and whether or not your personalities, beliefs and interests go well enough together to form a working, lasting relationship. Instead of worrying that he won't like you unless you're drop-dead-gorgeous, pay more attention to whether he likes you for you. Does he still talk to you on days when you don't think you look your best? If he's only interested in what you look like, he's not a very good guy and not worth you wasting all that time and energy. If all that is in order, and you think the two of you might have a good chance at a lasting relationship, my next piece of advice is DON'T RUSH INTO THINGS. Date him for a long, long time. A year or more, preferably. Pay attention to how he acts towards you, towards his friends, towards strangers. Make sure he's being genuine, and not just showing off and being fake to get you to like him. Just as important, don't show off just for him. There's some fun in being your best around your love interest, but what you really want is someone who'll stick around when you're in a bad mood, or when you feel like lounging on the couch in sweats with unwashed hair and tissue between your freshly painted toes. Be yourself. If he doesn't like you for you, don't bother with him. If he does, then make sure he knows he can be himself around you... but keep your standards up. Don't settle for someone who isn't worth your time and effort, because if you do enter into a serious relationship, you will be using a lot of both.

That was great advice & so true. It's fine for people to look their best. But there is more to it than that. Thanks for sharing this wonderful advice. Judy K.

Think I could start an advice column? ;)

Thanks for all that. What you say is true. It is not all about looks. I didn't want to put everything in as it might make my message too long.maybe that was a mistake. He and I have worked in the same place for years. In the distant past he told a freind that I was very witty but she was jealous and kept us apart an I didn't know about her behaviour then. Once at a staff party he sent me a drink but I'm very shy and didn't think it was a hint. Maybr it wasn't. I was promoted two and half years ago and began working with him a bit more. He was quick to praise me and my ntelligence. he also flirted a little joking about what having me alone in his offIce would do to his reputation.I jokes back but wan't really interested in him at that stage and didn't think he was interested in me. He started asking me about myself, telling me about himself and touching meon the shoulder etc. Then he invited me ouy for coffee and lunch. I know he has such thingd with other female colleagues and its all very platonic so I can only read into it that he likes me as a colleague. He invited me and another to his house last summerand bought us lunch. He also invited me to work with him more closely and poached me from the other person I was working with. He has also encouraged me to seek promotion as he says im intelligent, hard-working and good at my job. He also tells me I'm very cheerful, which I am. When I returned from my holidays this summer i had changed my hair and upgraded my wardrobe. He was genuinely impressed. He looked at me trying to figure out how he had never realised how good looking i was. So there you have it. He thinks I'm a good worker. He finds me physically attractive. He enjoys my company. We have interests in common. he loves cinema and theatre and is always asking me about it as in conversation he discovered that im a huge cinema buff as well as a book lover like himself. he promised to lend me an obsuce dvdthe last time we spoke. now years ago i was bullied by a clique of women i work with. they were ignoring me so that i would be so grateful for their company when they spoke to me again that i wouldn't stand up for myself. it was horrible but I made the decision not to give in. for two years i had my lunch alone. now he was very close to one. she was the one i mentioned earlier. she usedto lunch with him and she dragged me along to a few of these lunches because i wasn't as attractive as her. However i made him laugh so much that she changed her lunchtimes with him so i couldn't make it. Later on she was a ringleader in the group that bullied me. Well those women were so nasty to me that i felt uncomfortable in the staffroom and used to keep my things is a work room which I wasn't supposed to do. He noticed this and told me not to leave it there. this was years ago remember. I had to go into his office. I was upset and my eyes welled but I held it in and didn't cry. I said simply "about the work room. Theres a reason why I use it and not the staffroom." He replied "I guessed as much". The issue was never mentioned again and I was promoted soon after and got my own desk. All these years as i've got to know him better I never said a bad word about those girls. He still remained close to that woman and I wondered what she said about me and if it put him off. However im a very reserved, easy going cheerful person so i hope my actions speak louder than herwords. Last friday we had a very tense staff meeting. there had been some hot and heavy emails between colleagues. those women were much at the heart of it. They were angry, pushy and irrational. They were arguing selfishly, emotionally and ignorant of the full facts. As i sat there i wondered did he finally realise that whatever she may have said about me wasn't true as she was so hard at the meeting and i maintained a dignified silence. Would that make a difference? Then to rain on my parade a colleague told me the she had heard from a very unreliable source that he was attached. I know he was single two weeks ago. i know he has been out with a bad bug a couple of days since and hasn't been feeling well but I still worry that the rumour is true. Assuming though that he is still single tell me what else can i do to get him to ask me out. On paper i've done everything right. he seems to like me alot doesn't he?

Yes, you're right, he does. It makes me physically sick to see how these grown women are acting like high school students, and I'm glad to hear you've handled it well and haven't sunk to their ridiculous level. I'm not going to write another novella here, so I'll cut to the chase: Talk to this guy, tell him honestly what you're thinking and ask him what he thinks. Most guys appreciate an honest, direct woman who doesn't play games and beat around the bush. Let me know how it goes if you do... I really feel for you and wish you all the luck in the world. Remember, though, if it goes badly, that he just wasn't right for you, and that someday you'll meet someone who deserves such an interesting, intelligent woman.

Thanks for reading my email and replying. you have made me feel alot better. I'm not the most confident person in the world so I dont see myself bringing things to a head. I did that in the past with men and it went horribly wrong on all three occasions. I suppose if he really likes me he will find a way and if he doesn't then I read him incorrectly.I'll come back if he does do anything. I appreciate your help.

Hi Aisling,

I agree with the previous poster, and I understand how office gossip can be. but, there seems to be more energy here than just what is laid out.

I do feel he does have an affection BUT there is other energy that affects the situation. It isn't so much the other women. That seems it's there, but this is a person who, unlike yourself, is an extrovert, if that makes sense?

What I get is that he has an affection for both the social and the unusual...

There is also the instinct. What I mean is that people can sense - there's just a feeling when you "want" from them. It's a fine line to walk, but I agree with the poster above, if it isn't jelling, there's something else out there.

You also have a great imagination - something I feel would be a wonderful aspect in terms of writing. So, while you were to do something along those lines, absense does make the "heart grow fonder" so to speak.

________________________

Elleise
Clairvoyance Editor
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