BellaOnline Forums Family Adoption Grandparents adopting grandchildren

When you got through the process did you still call yourself gramma and papa or where you mom and dad? How did you respond to questions the children asked later about their parents? Our son died and the mom is about to lose custody and we will be able to adopt our grandchild. Thanks for all answers

You will always be Gramma and Grandpa (or whatever you want to be called) Your son is/was/always will be the dad and their mom is the mom no matter what.

I believe in telling kids the truth. Think about this - if you lie now, and they find out the truth later - what will they think of you?

Good luck and lots of happiness to you. It is a noble thing that you are doing.

Connie, Congratulations! Isn't this happening quicker than you thought? You'll soon be able to visit your daughter and the new grandbaby.

Robin is absolutely correct. You'll want to tell her about your son, so you will need to remain the grandparents. I think you can have a name which is different from that used by the other grandchildren. Our oldest grandchild calls us Mama and Papa while the rest say Gramma and Grampa.

Good Luck on this path of the rest of your life. GrannyH

I think you cannot be one-way only though. I was adopted by my grandparents. I refer to my birthparent as that. My parents were my mom and dad. For a while I called them grandma and grandpa, but that didn't seem like the right thing because that isn't what the relationship was. They are and will forever be MOM AND DAD. I will not, and never will negate their relationship with me and the fact that they raised me, and that my birthparent is that, my birthparent. They aren't my sister, etc, they are my birthparent.

Just the opinion of someone who has been there.

As for your son... he should always be referred to as their father. H ewas not given the opportunity to be their father and his relationship should never be minimalized.

Everyone thanks for your answers.

Granny, lol, no this has been draging out for months now. We had thought the mom was doing better but we just didn't know what was going on.

Jase, how old where you when you were adopted? Our grandaughter will be 2 by the next court date.

They had legal guardianship at birth until age 3, then lived with my birthmother from 3-10, then was taken away and they adopted me. So it would be easier to have called them grandma and grandpa because of the age, however, it is not how I felt about them. I think it should be their choice like it was mine. My mom and dad never corrected me. The only one who did was my birthmother and that was after they had died... and she complained "they are MY parents not YOURS". All the rest of the children didn't mind at all me calling them mom and dad because they recognized the importance of the relationship and what they meant to me. That is the important thing. DOn't dismiss or deminish the relationship.

Thank you Jase...we really don't say anything about her mom right now...she is young to ask yet, I know the questions will come later. She is a very sweet little girl and now I can't imagine my life without her in it.

Hi Conniem!

I am so, so sorry about the loss of your son.

Your granddaughter sounds like she's a ray of sunshine, and I wish you all the best during this time.

It sounds like you've gotten some excellent words of wisdom here (thank you Jase, Robin, and GrannyH), and I just wanted to add my support and thoughts to you and your family.


Please let us know how everything is proceeding, and know that there are lots of us here to offer support!

Hi Brandii, thanks for posting. Things are going very slowly it seems. The mom has not been in contact since the 18th of last month. We are just praying that she stays away until July. They keep telling me she is still our grandaughter's mom and what our grandaughter needs more than us. So she could still get her back. They told me the best they can hope for is that she doesn't abuse/neglect our grandaugher. It has been a very emotional time for us. Connie