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Joined: Dec 2008
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Allifos Offline OP
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Joined: Dec 2008
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Hi-I'm new to the forum and could use some help. My husband's brother hasn't spoken to us since 2001. We used to be very close with him but the 2 of them argued over how to deal with their single mother's money problems, and away he went. Also, his wife is very controlling (she's deaf-don't know how much this has to do with it or not), and always gave him a hard time about seeing us. He moved out of state and we were forbidden access to any of his information-address, phone number, etc., from the other family members, including his mother. We have since apologized for our part in all of this and have made it clear to him that we want him back in our lives but to no avail. We're not perfect, but neither is he. What bothers me is that he has never acknowledged any fault on his part-it's all on us, and some other family members have also sided with him. It's created a strained, difficult extended family relationship, one that my husband is ready to ditch any minute. I, however, don't want to lose any more family members, no matter how difficult they are. We have 2 daughters who don't know their uncle. What to do?!

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Amoeba
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Posts: 70
Hi Allifos - similar situation - my husband's brother and wife and us haven't really spoken in 5 years - they have 2 girls who ADORE my husband. We have not been able to have contact with the girls unless they are at my in-laws - which upsets the brother ALOT. Last xmas we dropped presents off for the girls and they were returned - actually - the wife of the brother told my mother in law that if she accepted any more gifts from us - they couldn't have the girls anymore!

I was peeved - this all started about 5 1/2 years ago. My husband never really got along with this brother - but i tried to get him to make an effort - for the girls. I had been married and had 3 boys - the incident that started this whole thing. My youngest son was celebrating a birthday and my in-laws wanted to have a party at their house - calling the brother & wife and telling them a time to be there and that we were ordering dinner in.....they showed up with take out - 1 hour late - and didn't bring a present for my son. There was a comment made like 'well he's not really your grandson anyway' and my husband overheard. That was it for him. He confronted his brother - and there was a huge blowout - i got involved and probably said some things i shouldn't have.

It was right before we got married and the girls were supposed to be in the wedding. They were forbidden to go....

Skip ahead to this past Boxing Day. Every year we go to my husbands cousins house. The brother never goes. Guess what - this year he did! We stayed an hour for the girls and left - they irritated us to no end! This past year we bought a house - and it closed the same day as they bought their house!

I am sure it's awkward for my mother in law - and it hurts i am sure. But she knows where we stand and why.

We see the girls when they are at the in-laws -and we always make it a special day for them. We don't have anything to do with them. I look at them and think - how sad that you keep going on about this - and no apology. Over the years they've made other comments that have gotten back to us....but i ignore it. It's sad that my husband doesn't have his brother (he has an older brother too) - but it doesn't seem to bother him - as long as he sees the girls he doesn't care.

Don't worry about it really - things all seem to work out - karma and all that stuff. People who live in glass houses should never cast stones!


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