I�m so clumsy, i got hit by a parked car.
I got myself an answering machine with the recording of a busy signal.
I played poker with tarot cards. I dropped a full house and 4 people died.
I talk to myself a lot, and it bothers people because I use a MEGAPHONE.
I almost worked for a fire hydrant company, but I couldn�t park anywhere near the place.
I got a postcard from a friend: one side has a photo of the earth, on other side he wrote �Wish you were here!�
I was trying to open my door with my car keys,� I started the entire block.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while, I was a suspect.
I like to stick my head out the window, look up and smile for a satellite picture.
I almost went out with a clairvoyant but we broke 15 minutes before we met.
I bought some batteries, but they weren�t included,� so I had to buy them again.
Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
I put some wax in my humidifier, so now my room is all shiny!
I went to a museum where they got all the arms and heads missing in all other museums.
I parked in a tow away zone,� I got back, the entire area was gone.
Everywhere is at walking distance if you have the time.
I melted dry ice so I could swim without getting wet.
I know when I�m gonna die cause my birth certificate has an expiration date.
When I die, I�m gonna leave my body to science-fiction.
I got a Salvator Dali picture of two blindfolded dental hygienist trying to draw a circle on a Hetch-a-Sketch !
I had my driver�s license picture taken out of focus on purpose, so the cop would let me go if he ever stops me.
I bought some powdered water but I don�t know what to add�
I lost a button hole.
I have a map of north-america,... and it�s actual size. (I live in E-5)
I broke a mirror: that�s supposed to get me seven years bad luck, but my lawyer thinks her can get me five.
I put a telescope on my front door peephole, so i can see who's coming for 200 miles.
I put a humidifier and de-humidifier in my room, and let them fight it out.
When I was young, in the back yard, we had a quick-sand-box. . . . I was a lonely child. . . eventually.
My dog is very intelligent, but he's stubborn. When i call him, he ignores me a keeps on typing.
I went to a 24 hour store, and the guy was closing down the place. �Aren�t you 24 hours?� He said: �Not in a row!�
I spilled Spot remover on my dog, and now he�s gone.!
I like to skate on the other side of the ice!
I went to see a movie at the drive-in,� with a cab. The movie cost me 195$.
I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit a bookmark.
