Hey there and welcome to the forum!
While I have never personally experienced a situation like yours, it's not hard to see how it could be a real source of frustration for you.
If you aren't jealous, then what it is about your boyfriend's relationship with his ex-wife that makes you so uncomfortable? And in what ways do you feel that she has control over your life?
Dating a man with children from a previous marriage will inevitably require a much higher degree of patience and understanding than usual. Because of the children, the ex will have to be a permanent fixture in his life and in the life of anyone who chooses to be with him. As hard as that may be for you to swallow, it just comes with the territory.
I think the best thing you can do is to weigh out your options. Recognize that if you choose to stay in this relationship, you will need to find a way to accept that the ex is a part of the package and will always have a say in some decisions that may indirectly affect you, especially when it comes to the ways in which her children will be raised. Only you can decide if the love you have for your man and his kids is powerful enough to make it all worthwhile.
Take a long, hard look at your situation and try to identify the true root of your concern. I think what will help you most right now is to determine if this is something that has the potential to be resolved or if you would be better off going in a different direction. Remember that every relationship requires some level of sacrifice.
And I hate to break it to you, but in my experience, being in love (and I mean truly, madly, deeply in love) hardly ever leaves much room for control. With that in mind, I think you should decide what is more important to you ï¿½ being in total control or being in love?
Whatever decision you makeï¿½I hope itï¿½s the right one for you. Good luck!