logo

Privacy
This forum uses cookies to ensure smooth navigation from page to page of a thread. If you choose to register and provide your email, that email is solely used to get your password to you and updates on any topics you choose to watch. Nothing else. Ask with any questions!
Channel List
Beauty & Self
Books & Music
Career
Computers
Education
Family
Food & Wine
Health & Fitness
Hobbies & Crafts
Home & Garden
Money
News & Politics
Relationships
Religion & Spirituality
Sports
Travel & Culture
TV & Movies
Safety
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!
Newest Members
LoreenBarton, amyispretty, Akeem Koss, healthiswealth, LamRoy
58383 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums417
Topics119,521
Posts848,285
Members58,383
Most Online449
Mar 28th, 2018
Top Posters(30 Days)
Angie 52
Advertising
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
building a relationship with husbands daughter #449411
09/03/08 04:52 AM
09/03/08 04:52 AM

4
4ahealthyfamily OP
Unregistered
4ahealthyfamily OP
Unregistered
4


I'd love some feedback please:

I have been with my husband for 4 years, we married 6 months ago. I met his kids after I had dated their father for 1 year. The kids live with thier mother & their mother often hosts Christmas/birthdays etc, we all get together several times a year. So far they have seemingly been accepting and polite, for the most part. It feels to me that they have become more distant since I have married their father. The youngest, a 16 year old girl, is hard to talk to, how do I approach her so that she doesn't feel I am coming on to strong? My husband and I see her about once a week, we go for dinner, movies, shopping...it is obvious that she has loyalty issues, maybe confused....so I am confused too! I know I have tried too hard in the past and that doesn't work. Should I talk to her, if so I am not sure what to say to respect the boundaries to her mother. Ugh. I approach this with friendship and jut want a positive vibe back.

Any insight on this would be greatly appreciated.

Last edited by 4ahealthyfamily; 09/03/08 05:24 AM.
Re: building a relationship with husbands daughter [Re: ] #449801
09/04/08 10:26 PM
09/04/08 10:26 PM
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 102
S
SWK Offline
Jellyfish
SWK  Offline
Jellyfish
S
Joined: Feb 2008
Posts: 102
Hi,

Although I'm definitely not an expert, I can sympathize as well as maybe offer a bit of advice!

First, remember that your SD is 16 years old. Girls at this age are inherently distant, moreso when they're confused. So, I think you could chalk some of that up to age, horomones, inexperience, etc.

Second, being in a step relationship is going to be a bit weird for a long time. Even when "roles" are established, your SD is going to mature and go through different stages, and those "roles" will have to be re-defined.

Third, it seems like all you really want is a good relationship with her, and a strong relationship with your DH. It doesn't seem like you're trying to "be the mom," which I think is often disastrous. Does she know this? If you take a few private moments for just the two of you, you could let her know that you are feeling awkward, too, but that you want things to be open and honest between the two of you. Maybe acknowledge that you see how much she loves her dad, and let her know that you also truly love her dad. Allow her to respond to what you're saying and acknowledge any issues she might be having, if she's comfortable enough to bring them up. If not, don't try to force anything. Let her come to you.

Also, be sure her father spends time with her without anyone else around so they can continue to have a strong relationship.

Finally, just be patient. Step-relationships take time to build. They can't be forced. Eventually, she will see that you make her father happy and that you aren't trying to take her mom's place. The awkwardness, then, will dissipate.

My SD and I have a pretty good relationship. I guess I'm kind of like an aunt to her, in a very roundabout kind of way, if you have to define it. But there are times when she's upset that I do sit her down in her room and remind her that her dad and I love each other very much, that she can trust that I'm here to stay, that occasional anger toward the "step-parent" is totally normal, and that this anger eventually goes away--and when it does, our relationship will be back to normal again.

Good luck! smile


SWK

Brand New Posts
2018: On this day . . .
by Mona - Astronomy. 06/19/18 08:16 PM
Where are you and how is the weather?
by Angie. 06/19/18 06:13 PM
What are you looking forward to today?
by Angie. 06/19/18 06:12 PM
Melatonin
by Nancy Roussy. 06/19/18 05:17 PM
What will you do today?
by Nancy Roussy. 06/19/18 03:45 PM
What's your Typical Daily Menu?
by Nancy Roussy. 06/19/18 03:36 PM
Did you dream last night?
by Nancy Roussy. 06/19/18 03:33 PM
Art on the Moon – Fallen Astronaut *new article*
by Mona - Astronomy. 06/19/18 11:49 AM
The Milky Way - Our Galaxy
by Mona - Astronomy. 06/19/18 09:21 AM
Summer Solstice - St John's Day
by Mona - Astronomy. 06/19/18 09:10 AM
Forum Activities
Book Clubs
Trivia Contests
Register to Post!
Want to post? For security reasons you need to Register as a Forum Member. It's quick, easy and free!
Who's Online Now
1 registered members (Mona - Astronomy), 135 guests, and 4 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Sponsor


| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2018 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.


Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.1.1