BellaOnline Forums Family Step Parenting newbie to this board

Hi everyone, I am a stepmom. I like to think I have a pretty good relationship with my skids, compared to some of the horror stories I have heard here and there, but we have had our share of drama as well. My stepkids are 14, 15 and 19. My 14 year old stepdaughter has celiacs disease and was just diagnosed with that this spring. She lives with her mom full time so we only have to adjust our shopping/meals when she is here (she is gluten-free). Her mom lives in Virginia so we only get her half of summer and we alternate Christmas and Thanksgiving.

My 15 year old stepson lives with us full time. He turns 16 in Oct.

My 19 year old stepdaughter is currently living with her mom. She had been living and going to college in TN, but screwed that all up. I'd say most of the drama we endure stems from this child... her living situation could change again this winter.

I also have two biokids of my own (not with my husband). Mine are 14 and 11. One huge problem I have with the drama of the 19 year old sd is the example she is setting for the other kids.

My husband and I have been married 6 and a half years.

Hi Michelle,

Ooooooh, am I going to have a LOT to ask you. Actually, I'm going to go update my thread with my mea culpas, because I really need to.

Welcome, Michelle! It's so nice to have another stepmom who can share her perspective!

Hi Michelle, welcome to the forum, I hope you enjoy your stay.
"Rosie"

Hi Michelle,
I have had a really difficult time with my DH's two daughters. Both have lived with us (the 22 year is here now) on the pretense of going to college, but neither ended up making it. I continue to worry about the example SD sets for my 15 year old, but lately it is having a curious and unintended benefit: rather than admiring and trying to emulate here, my son has seen the effects of not succeeding in university; being stuck in dead end jobs and having to live in your parents basement; not having money to travel, do and experience the benefits of maturity the way his 4 adult cousins (on my side) who have all grown up to be successful professionals. So I understand your fears but trust in your own parenting and the values you have instilled in your children. At 11 and 14, those values will be well rooted by now in your children and your SD will not be able to change that. Word of warning: if SD ends up at your place, insist on ground rules and a contract BEFORE she moves in -- not with her, but your husband. My experience is that it is the dads who are the root of the problem and the stepmoms end up living with the effects of lifelong lack of discipline/low expectations/zero accountability, all made worse by divorce guilt!
Janet

Hi all,
Thanks for posting to this board. When I need support, I come and read. I started posting about my situation. However, it is just too long and too involved. Right now I want to run away; I am feeling that I have made a huge mistake in getting married. I feel betrayed. I hate what my sd is doing to our marriage and what I am letting her do to me. I know I am giving her the power...but someitmes I am just to tired. Her dad and I are 60 yrs. old. Altogether we have 6 children between us. She is the youngest and lives with us. She is 22 yrs. old and her mom died when she was 14. Right now I am so sad.
Thanks for listening and pray for me.
Sundancer