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Joined: Jun 2008
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Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 1
I am 45 years old and married to a man that do anything for me , he is loving went he wants to be and hateful went thinks don't go his way, we have been married now for 13 years we have lived together for 15 and have a beautiful daughter together she is 14 years old. I was married first at 15 and have a son that will be 30 years old this year, he lived with us only one year of our marriage and it was a compleate disaster, nothing he did was right , he left and went back to leave with his Dad, his dad and I have a great relationship, he is a good man. I left my son went I was 26 I wanted to be selfish and lived my teen days , for that reason I have always felt guilty and I have giving everything to my son, I am extremely protective of him, I feel I took a big part of his life with me went I left him and his Dad. My son is married and have to Kids we have a great relationship now , he grow up to be selfish, but at the same time loving, he is not what a will call a great dad but he try and he is also bypolar, everytime we get together and my husband is around I am tense and nerveous because my husband the whole time is telling me how horrible my son is with his family , how he doesn't offer help, we have to ask ,etc. I am becaming very resenful of my husband , my son is a graduated student , he have a bachelo degree and have try very hard to be the best,never don't drugs, or drank a very easy teen, with honor rolls all thru college, he is not an outgoing kid and have not had the best of luck finding the perfect job, he does have his appartment with his wife and kids, we only see them ones every two month or even less, but my husband can't stand him, and can't stop making a point to tell me how bad my son is, he can't accept him for what he is , I feel angry , I feel he is extremely selfish ,our daughter defend his brother all the time and is very mad at her dad, she adore her brother we are tired of the way my husband he have no problem pointing out his faults, I am tired and begining to feel confuse. He had decided he can't handle being around him so he wont participe in any more reunions with him, but at the same time went I say I am going to see him he try to manipulated with threats of abandoment , his mother never accepted him and he was never good enought for her, and at one point she was so mad at him that they stop speaking to each other for 4 years , not even a christmas card for her only grandaughter at the time, very hateful person and I am seeing this faults on my husband , I am afraid our family which have been thru a lot , might not survive , I can't take anymore critisim about my first born, I love him very much and I accept him for what he is ,I don't thinks is to much to ask my husband to put up with him only ocationally and I feel that if he really care and love the relationship, that is not to much to ask. My son is very respetuosous of my husband , even went he put him down, he wants to see me happy and just take anything from his stepdad , I feel that is enought, last night I told my husband how I felt and it did't go well , of course his weapon is withdrawl from me , I can't believe a sweet man can turn into a compleated othe man, he knows what my needs are and he make sure to take them away from me, he definilly wants to show you a lesson went he is mad, I need help I do love this man and we do have a happy family went we don't mention my son, but I can't do that , I love , respect , honor my son, and I can't allow my husband to talk and treat my son this way anymore. thanks

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Joined: Jan 2006
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Your husband sounds very controlling, he wants everything his way and as long as you do what he says, he treats you nice.

I think that the main reason why he is so down on your son is that he is afraid that you love the son better than him, and is jealous of the love you have for your son, who sounds like a wonderful person. Your husband doesn't seem to understand that a mother loves her children in a different way than she loves her husband, and that there is plenty of love to go around. Love isn't a pie, that if you give a slice to your son there's not enough left for your husband. His history with his mother shows that he has deep reasons to be afraid that you will turn out to be the same way and abandon him, those early lessons are hard to fix. But by acting the way he is he may force you to leave him anyway. He has to realize that what he is doing is the worst possible way to behave, it will only make his deepest fears come true!

Somehow your husband has to learn that you have enough love for him and your son, and that he is only hurting that love when he tries to separate you from your son. You made a good start when you told him how you feel, he needed to know how this hurts you. He is acting like bully to cover his fears, but it will be hard for him to face them. I wish that I could have some solid advice for you, I hope that some of the other women on this forum can be more help. Just know that we are thinking about you and sending you good wishes.


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