I am not sure where this fits in, but I'm working through feeling and having spent about four years of my life as having no worth unless I was able to help people get what they wanted (this was originally in a work context). Note, this does not mean that I was always perfect myself, I'm not, but was balanced and focused and basically content with my life and where it was going.
Those experiences blew that structure and security apart, and now I am rebuilding it with occasional setbacks in my mood that make me want to push my friends away. Most people can share things, be playful and relaxed and not worry about a negative perception, if I do that, I have to really fight with myself to not pull away afterwards, I dislike anything that could be used against me later, I hate being vulnerable or caring, and it's not even like I'm expecting a big reaction, it's just to have and share fun, but I always feel like I'm intruding and demanding.
I realize that that view does not allow for the fact that they have things going on in their lives and not everything bad is my doing, but that's how it feels, and this is something I have to work through and choose how to deal with.
Has anyone else had a similar experience and felt the same way?
I keep a lot bottled up inside and sharing is part of letting it go : )