BellaOnline Forums Relationships Relationships What if my in-laws won't accept me?

I don't think he can know for sure if his parents will accept you; it is a distinct possibility. I speak from experience as a person whose future in-laws did not accept me for several years because I was not from a wealthy family. It was a total surprise to both of us. But I don't think it will help you to worry about it. I suggest you just put your best foot forward and hope for the best. And even if his parents do reject you, there is still hope for you if your love is strong -- my husband and I have been married for 26 years and his parents did come to accept me in time.

As for the "if" in his quasi-proposal, I would suspect that he was afraid of your rejection and that is why he phrased it that way. Hopefully, your answer will give him the confidence to ask you outright if you would marry him. I wouldn't consider it a real proposal until he does. If he doesn't, I agree with Nicola -- ask him what's going on!

Lisa is right. To ease your mind and to know exactly what he wants and for him to know exactly what he wants you need to get clarification on this. The word 'if' leaves an open. The word 'want' makes a definite statement.

He and I had a talk about marriage. He basically said that he asked "what if" because he was afraid of rejection and because getting married right now is not an option for either of us.

He also mentioned that he is concerned about living arrangementsand if we got married. He does not want to live in the USA any longer than needed (he goes back and forth between the US and China for work) but he would if I asked. I told him I would have no problem relocating to China some day. We came to the conclusion that we will get married but not for at least 3 years. We are young and have plenty of things to get into order before we settle into a marriage. So there you have it Our chat turned out better than I expected. I was sure my nerves would take over but it went fairly smooth.

I'm glad to hear that your talk went well, Heather.

Heather, I am happy to hear you have had clarification on the subject of your marriage. This probably has put both of you more at ease now that all is out in the open. Good for you for braving the unkown!

Hello,

I pretty much agree with everyone else. I would wonder what the "if" meant, too. If you are close enough in your relationships to consider marriage, you are certainly close enough to ask him what he meant.

Also, trying to learn some of the language is a very good idea. However, you may be able to also get an address and drop a card to them. Something friendly and upbeat. However, understanding the culture helps, since what one thinks is friendly and upbeat may be an insult to someone else. Still, even a note card that you have taken the time to translate into their language.

I found a site that you can translate free. Just search free translations. Of course, since I didn't understand what I read, I could only hope it was correct.

I wish you both a long and joyous relationship.