BellaOnline Forums Family Child Abuse Adult Stepdaughter Turns on Father

Im very confused right now. My husbands daughter is 35 yrs old. Without going into all the details, she has been a constant drama queen and attentionn seeker. Her Father and I were unbelievably kind and supportive to her even though I sensed she was being very deceiving. As it turned out , we had to pull back on the purse strings which sent her into a tailspin. She spued insult upon insult that were completely untrue about me. But what really scares me is she called her father an abuser both sexually and physically while she was growing up. She has been nothing but dishonest about so many things,and her hanging on him while here just makes me question....why? Why would she want a relationship with a man that she accused of so many terrible things. From what I understand this has been going on all my husbands adult life. She has been basically using blackmail to get her way. Anyone out there that has been abused, please help me make sense of this. Thankyou

I posted this morning and realize how strange it sounds.Thats why I need advice. Please read.

I will have the Child Abuse editor come in to give some suggestions. This is a rough situation and I don't know what I would suggest doing. It is so hard because you don't want to block out legitimate complaints of women - it is hard enough for women to admit to this sort of situation. But certainly there is a portion of accusations which are false and which are solely made for attention reasons ...

Many women have quite mixed relationships with their fathers, it sounds like this is no exception.

Thankyou so much Lisa, You mentioned the mixed relationship. That is exactly what I need information about. You are right about not wanting to override legitimate complaints. Any help would be appreciated.

Each time that she didn't get her way with her father, did she accuse him of abusing her as a child? Or has the issue been brought up when everything was going her way? Has she been in therapy before, do you know? I guess I kind of question the fact that she blackmails him seemingly when she doesn't get her way. Up to now, how has your husband handled these accusations? It's very difficult because there are times when an adult survivor of childhood abuse will begin to share the secret as an adult. However, it makes me cautious in this case because it seems thatm, according to your post, she only speaks of it when she doesn't get her way financially.

There are many survivors of child abuse that long to have a relationship with their abuser. There is a part of them that longs to be accepted by their abuser. However, the claims of child abuse are consistent and not dependent on one getting ones way, in any form.

There is a website that may have the information you are looking for. It is ChildHelpUSA. Another great site that has facilitated chat groups is YesICAN.org. They may also be able to offer some insight into this matter.

Please know that I will research this and write an article on it. Thank you for visiting the forum. Please let me know if there is anything else I can do for you.

Your information was very helpful. I believe you would do alot of people good by writing an article on this subject. In answer to your question, yes she was in therapy,and yes she only brought up the accusations when she wasnt getting her way. I have been with my husband for 7 yrs so I have participated in this cycle for awhile. My husband flat out told her to stay out of our lives when she started attacking my character. She stooped so low in regard to me that I see how she bullied him all her life. She has successfully destroyed prior relationships my husband has had before me. And shes not been able to hold her own relationships for very long. As Im writing this it has dawned on me how twisted this sounds . I will be going to my husband once again to insist on the truth. I want to live a healthy life without worrying she will try to come between us again. The gravity of this subject makes me want to pursue answers. In my mind I cant see a daughter acting this way unless there was some truth to it. I thankyou for understanding . Regards,Jacquett

I will do some research and write an article on it. Thank you so much for trusting us and sharing your story.

I feel really hesitant about offering advice because I don't know anything about this area and would never want to make things worse. But I do know of a situation where a person routinely exaggerated things to get pity. I was present during some of the situations and later on she would wildly exaggerate what had happened to have people feel sorry for her. I would be shocked at the things she would say.

On the other hand I do know of women who were abused and who would rarely if ever talk about it. I imagine women who are abused all react to it in very different ways. So while the women I know would never want to be near their abuser, I am sure some women long to be validated by the person, maybe to know there was a "reason" for it.

I look forward to reading Kelli's article and learning more about this.

Hi Lisa, I thank both you and Kelli for spending time on this subject. I also look forward to the article.

I have been thinking about this situation for the past couple of days. I was abused as a child, but chose to never confront my parents. I had a wonderful relationship with my mother before she passed in 2006. The issue was just never spoken about. That was my choice. But, in all honesty, I think of the things that the adult survivors of child abuse must face as an adult, when remembering the abuse they endured. I know, firsthand, that confronting is no easy task. It takes a great deal of courage to confront an abuser. My children were abused by their father and they also have never discussed it with him. It's just not talked about. I keep thinking of the fact that your step-daughter only brings the topic up when angry for not getting what she wants. I am left to wonder if she did truly experience abuse of any form from her father. I say this because confrontations are not easy. They aren't something that is just spit out into the open. They bring with them a great deal of strong and powerful emotions. I did write an article on this matter and it will be on the site on Monday, 3/3/08. I welcome everyone's input on the article, as well as what I have shared here.