After reading these forums pretty much all day I finally got the courage to write about my issue and ask for some help. I married 20 years ago and have 3 kids 17, 15, 13. We divorced a little over 3 years ago after many years of non-communication, emotional distance (I guess abuse) and well I was a habititual talker to anyone who would listen to me about our issues. Problem: I only had his family around. DUMB I know but that part I have fixed I swear. After he told me he wanted a divorce because as he said we were falling apart for a while, I was devistated. I actually have to tell you that this was in January of 05 and in September of 04 he "spanked" (his words) our son so hard he left bruises even in his rectum that scared me so bad I called a counselor for help who in turn contacted the police. My Ex to this day swears that I called the police on him to have him thrown in jail so I could get a divorce. ANYWAY I found out that he had a "girlfriend" when in the end of January my cell phone bill came and it was 686.00. He had been calling the same person 3 times or more every day for 2 months. This person was his little sister's best friend since early childhood, she was at my wedding and actually there the day all three of our children were born. (Oh yeah his little sister also married my little brother, talk about payten place huh?) So yeah it hurt a lot more than if it were a stranger. Long story short, after 9 months of no support, him moving out of state with my eldest and not contacting my other two and just being plain old lonely; when he called and said he was wrong and that I was the only woman he had ever loved, I sold everything again and moved to be with him and make our marriage work for the kids and us as a family. As soon as I got there though there were signs everywhere. Like he wanted to tell me all about "her" all the time. He kept pictures of her where I would find them, etc. After about a year I thought all that was behind us, I asked him why we weren't talking about getting married again? He said he wasn't sure I was all in yet. A few months after that he came home drunk and told me he used to fantitsize about killing me and still would if he could figure out how to do it and not get caught. He added that the only reason he asked me back was to get his kids and to make sure I didn't have anything. So fast forward 2 months and I get a job offer back "home". I say I don't want to leave because going back will tear us apart. He pressures and has the kids do the same until I agree and move back a month in advance to get a place set up etc. Within a month of being back things in our lives went right back to where they were before the divorce and I told him I was done. He made me tell the kids, then has since started back up with I am the love of his life, maybe I am confused and I know I love him I just have to figure it out. Even though I turned down his engagement ring (bought at a pawn shop 3 sizes too small for 200.00). Now I really feel trapped, we are on a lease until the end of June and I don't want to move with him when it is over. The kids are miserable and want me to leave him but he has threatened to fight me for custody. I am a very non-comfrontational person when it comes to him, infact I get sick just thinking about it (and no he has never hit me). I just don't know how to end this and know I really need to. Thoughts? Suggestions?
