BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Too "young" to decide I'm childfree

Llyn, I'm so sorry you had to suffer through that for so long, and the doctors were that bad. Glad it's finally better for you.

My husband dated a woman about 20 years ago who had, I think, endometriosis. Her doctor told her to have a baby because that would help. She was aggressively after my husband to help accomplish it, but somehow he eluded her (whew!).

Anyway, just wanted to say I appreciate your posting very much. We have a few people here in their late 40's, but it's very rare for us to hear from women over 50 talk about this. We are all so grateful to have this forum so we don't feel so alone. I feel for people from previous generations who didn't have any support in their decision.

Kittybeep, that's appalling. I can't believe that some people consider teenage pregnancies something to fawn over (in my opinion there is nothing good about a 16-year-old child bearing a child of her own), or value plain old reproduction over individual accomplishments. It can't be easy to stand up for your beliefs in that sort of environment - well done on successfully voicing them!

Fawning over teenage pregnancy is disturbing to me as well.

I worked at Planned Parenthood about 10 years ago. At the time, vasectomies and tubals were offered as services. They wouldn't perform sterilizations on anyone under 25 unless the individual already had children. Even then, a waiting period and psych evaluation had to occur. They also required the wait and psych eval. for people OVER 25 who had never had children.

The reason for this isn't so much discrimination as it is fear of later lawsuits. They don't want to deal with some idiot who says "I was too young to make that decision -- how could you let me DO that to myself?! WAAAAAAAH!!" and proceeds to attempt to sue the cr@p out of them. Those people ruin everything for the rest of us.

I don't understand why someone can't make and use some kind of legally binding document that you can sign that says you will NOT sue them if you change your mind (which you know you won't but you get my point!)

I knew from the age of somewhere between 14 and 16 I didn't want kids.
And my mum said I never played with younger kids and ignored my little brother. Sometimes I thought maybe but those times have been very rare.
Some of us just KNOW, no matter HOW "young" we are.

Well I am 28 and at 26 had the OB/Gyn tell me that i needed to start getting my life inorder so I could have a child and this was AFTER I TOLD her that the Endoernologist told me DO NOT GET PREGNAT! She then told me that the risk to my health and the babies health would be well worth it once I had the Blessed Child....

I told her I wanted to have my tubs tied. she told me that she would not tie my tubs until i had at lest two kids.... WTF???? How much louder can I scream I DO NOT WHAT NO F!@#IN" KIDS!!!!!!!! They heard me in the lobby! HOW much more blunt do i have to put it? Although I did almost tell her that I was married to a sex offender and I LOVED to beat kids every chance I had so If she would just kindly hand over the fertiloty drugs so that I can have 14 at a time...... That way at lest one may live to see age 12 so she could whelp out a litter that we could "enjoy" plus get paid to keep and oh yeah she can be the house slave!!!!!!! I thought it would be so much more kind to just get my tubs tied but hey if you think all that is a great way to raise a child then by all means give me the Prego juice....

I thought about doing that and who knows I still may do it yet because the Good Lord in Heaven sure knows that I have seen more then my fair share of kids that live through hell every day day in and day out because there moms think just like that example above! Maybe if I point out that there would be less child abuse in the world if they did not force women to have kids just so they can get there tubs tied because they dont want kids to begain with things may start to change!

Meam,

Face facts: You are a young 'un. It will be difficult at your age to be treated as a woman of experience, though I applaud and respect you for thinking on such high levels.

It's no wonder you'll be bingoed for the next 10 years. If you have decided at your age that you won't have kids, cool.

You know what I really like about you? I like the fact that you're weighing such options at such a young age. I love the fact that you're exposed to a community of a people who are totally fine without breeding. Most of us didn't have that.

I did not mean to discount your intellect in mentioning your age; however, I will say that you will change in ways you didn't expect in the next 10 years. I'm not laying a light bingo in saying, "Stay open to breeding;" more just admiring a stand you're taking now. We've had trolls come through here recently who "used to be childfree" until I guess they f__ked up, got pregnant and saw some light to which we're not attuned.

Bottom line: I so respect your decision at such a young age to be childfree. I don't advocate it for all women; keep searching yourself and others before you're 100%.

I really think for some CF people, it's like it is for gays. They just KNEW that something was different about them from childhood, even though it's a sexually based preference and they haven't hit puberty, there is just something in their head that says "that standard situation is not what I'll be having, not if I'm real about who I am." If that makes any sense...

Interesting take on it, Grey. Much appreciated.

It wasn't that long ago that Banks would not lend money to single women without a Guarantee...the reasoning...she might get pregnant and default on the loan. Single women were too great a risk.
Eventually, Banks were forced to see they had no right to treat single women differently - if a single woman qualified for the loan and defaulted for any reason, she should be treated like any other defaulter.
At a certain age we're old enough (18 in Australia)to make our own decisions and, part of that right is taking responsibility for our choices/decisions and the repercussions.
I think sterilization should be like any other elective surgery - if you're deemed a suitable candidate - then its your decision whether you proceed or not...
If you change your mind - that's unfortunate but, you have to live with your decision.
I think the medical profession is erring on the side of caution on this one - and you can see why - many people change their minds about having children in their 30s and 40s...
BUT, if someone is clear and firm on their wish for sterilization, they understand the risks and chances of reversal and still want to go ahead - then surely, its their decision.
The patient signs the Consent and Release paperwork and assumes responsibility for his/her decision.
I think we expect 20somethings to be responsible for their decisions and actions in other areas of their lives yet, the medical profession is refusing a procedure and saying, "what if you change your mind"...bit like the Banks saying, "what if you get pregnant"...
In both cases you live with the consequences of YOUR decision.