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Joined: Mar 2007
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Parakeet
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Parakeet
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 998
Grey, your post reminded me of some aspects of my life that could qualify as accomplishments.

I made a great catch when I found my man. He's a fun, intelligent friend to talk to, a responsible, hard working man, and a sweet, cuddly boyfriend. All together, he's got "good future husband" written all over him. Getting my him in my little mitts was a coup!

Our cat was a "straight off the street" rescue. We took her in when she was starving, dirty, and obviously a little messed from having been taken from her mother too soon. We mad a decent (though a bit overweight) pet out of her. Look at that face? Isn't saving something that freakin' cute an accomplishment?

Over five years ago, I suffered a serious knee injury, as many of you know. I decided to forgo physical therapy and learned to get around again on my own. It took a couple of years to stop constantly limping, but I did it! And I did it all on my own, no docs or therapists, just a lot of sweat and tears. I can even do a some ladder and stair climbing on good days,now. That's something I thought I'd never do again. The stronger I get myself and my knee, the less likely I'll have to have it replaced at an early age. So far, so good!


Happily Living The Childfree Life!
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M.B. #370094 01/26/08 06:21 PM
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 91
T
Amoeba
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Amoeba
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 91
YAY for everyone.

I just finished my MA and have just started my PhD. I also volunteer taking care of homeless cats while they wait for a permenant home.

I can do 70 full pushups. My goal is 100.

Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 613
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 613
Myrabeth, she's a lovely cat, I love it when they have "tiger stripes". wink
Taitinfae, I'm a total sissy when it comes to push ups! I'm wretchedly out of shape after moving away from my martial arts class. frown

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 543
C
Gecko
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Gecko
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Posts: 543
What a great thread. OK, I'm going to blatantly show off and broadcast my achievements. This is really for the purpose of boosting myself up and also to remind myself of all the things that I did, that I couldn't have done with a "normal life". I'm not really a show-off normally.

Here's what I've managed to achieve in the last 11 years since my first husband left me for another woman (he'd been having an affair for the previous 10 months) and I had the rug completely pulled out from under me, including being left with just $4,000 to my name. (I added all that for context...)

-Had a holiday romance with a young blonde handsome Swedish man (he pursued me which boosted my confidence no end)
-Found myself a great, nurturing couple to rent a room off in the beach community I'd always dreamed of living in
-Saved $10,000 over the next year on a $48,000 salary by being frugal and creative (my ex husband had been out of control with our money) and bought myself a ticket to London.
-Gave up my secure job, landed in London, and got myself a job at a major national arts company - then completed a project which became a known case study in England
-Did some career analysis and decided I wanted to work in the Internet - got myself a great marketing role in an online music company
-Boldy turned down overtures from my ex-husband who decided he'd made a big mistake and phoned me in London. Felt vindicated.
-Travelled to the Greek Islands (had always dreamed of it) as well as to other places throughout Europe. Lay on my back floating on the Mediterannean sea under the moonlight and felt like my heart would burst from happiness.
-Met a great guy in London and eventually moved in with him - he would not let me pay rent as he was mortgage free, so I saved like CRAZY a $60K deposit and bought myself a home on an island in the Auckland harbour - another long term dream; to own a house by the sea. House doubled in value in two years and I made up for the decade in which I lost all my money to my husband.
-Through my partner became friends with the man who wrote all the ballet books I had pored over as a child!
-Got through the agony of my London partner deciding he needed to follow his heart and move back to California to live in a bhuddist community. It nearly killed me; this second loss of a partner; but I rallied - took me several years to get over it though. Now I am able to help friends experiencing similar loss because of my depth of understanding.
-Became known as an international speaker on internet marketing in the arts and spoke at conferences in Norway, LA, London,Philadelphia, San Francisco, Brisbane and Adelaide.Still pinch myself over this.
-Co-authored a book on the subject commissioned by Arts Council England
-Travelled 8 times to New York to work in my company's NY office - got to know the city I had always dreamed off and been attracted to, and made several really close friends there who I can stay with whenever I want
-Had many many travel adventures and met like minded people all over the globe (small adventures - I can be timid - I am not sporty like Pikasam, Mike E etc!)
-Put myself first and made a difficult decision to come back to New Zealand, but got myself a great job to come back to (my last job).
- (Very proud of this) - within a year had made a name for myself in NZ too (often harder in your own country) and was being invited to regularly speak at conferences.
-Got through a period of 3 months of clinical depression and learned about myself and my limits - physically, emotionally and creatively, in a way that has changed the way I live and my priorities.
-Met my DH and married him! Best achievement yet!
-Rescued Phoebe (my little cat)and turned her from being completely nervous and needy to having a great, confident life of her own.
-Sponsored a now 6-year-old girl at the Orphan Help Centre in Nepal - co-set up by a woman who lives here in Auckland, and have paid for her housing, clothing and schooling for the last 2 years (now planning a trip to visit and volunteer in the next few years).
-Co-authored another arts marketing book (published just over a year ago).
-Ran a 10.5km 1/4 marathon (having never been sporty before).

I don't think this is bad at all for one decade. To think that at times I have beaten myself up for being a "failure" - ie no family of my own. Thank goodness I have moved past this. I have to add that all this activity was TOO MUCH (hence the depression) and I would never advocate that achievements have to be things like writing books - achievements can be learning to cope with something life has thrown at you.

I now live a quieter life and consider that an achievement in itself.

CFFB #370162 01/26/08 11:07 PM
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 613
Gecko
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Gecko
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 613
O_O That was all in one DECADE?! Holy [censored], I thought that was over a lifetime! I'd be taking it easy too if I did all that! (yeah, in a grave!) wink You have a lot to be proud of, and I'd say mostly due to figuring more out about yourself and your limits.

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 543
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Gecko
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Gecko
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Posts: 543
Yeah, exactly!! And I am aiming for a lifestyle now where I take it much easier. I have lost my workaholic tendencies! But just shows you what's possible when there are no kids. I found that a really good exercise to write that down - especially for when people say "my life was unfulfilled before I had children" and insinuate that mine is unfulfilled too. In my case, I have left my legacy in the arts and with my young relatives and the little girl in the orphanage, I guess.

ps my ex husband went completely off the rails eventually...

CFFB #370177 01/27/08 12:48 AM
Joined: Jan 2008
Posts: 613
Gecko
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Gecko
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Posts: 613
Oof, well aren't you glad he flaked out in such an obvious way that you KNEW he wasn't good for ya?

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Posts: 543
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Gecko
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Gecko
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Oooooh yes :-) Talk about a lucky escape!

CFFB #370189 01/27/08 02:01 AM
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Posts: 1,438
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Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
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Posts: 1,438
Wow Feebee. That is an amazing series of accomplishments!! It's fascinating to read about, and a great way to put things in perspective.

Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 543
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Gecko
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Gecko
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Posts: 543
I am sorry if I appear to be being self-indulgent here (not intended) but I just did an interesting exercise. I went through that list of 'accomplishments' I had posted and scratched out the ones that I couldn't have done, had I had children with my ex husband and been left as a solo Mum after he ran off. It was really fascinating. It's making me really glad for the fact that my life worked out this way. I'd love to see some of your lists too- it's very validating for the CF choice.

Here's my list and what happened to it when I imagined if I'd been a Mum when married to my ex-husband...

Had a holiday romance with a young blonde handsome Swedish man (he pursued me which boosted my confidence no end) (Would have been putting the kids first)

-Found myself a great, nurturing couple to rent a room off in the beach community I'd always dreamed of living in (couldn't have moved into that house with children)

-Saved $10,000 over the next year on a $48,000 salary by being frugal and creative (my ex husband had been out of control with our money) and bought myself a ticket to London.
(Wouldn't have saved a bean. Could not have considered going to London.Therefore all of the following are out:)

-Gave up my secure job, landed in London, and got myself a job at a major national arts company - then completed a project which became a known case study in England
-Did some career analysis and decided I wanted to work in the Internet - got myself a great marketing role in an online music company
-Travelled to the Greek Islands (had always dreamed of it) as well as to other places throughout Europe. Lay on my back floating on the Mediterannean sea under the moonlight and felt like my heart would burst from happiness.
-Met a great guy in London and eventually moved in with him - he would not let me pay rent as he was mortgage free, so I saved like CRAZY a $60K deposit and bought myself a home on an island in the Auckland harbour - another long term dream; to own a house by the sea. House doubled in value in two years and I made up for the decade in which I lost all my money to my husband.
-Through my partner became friends with the man who wrote all the ballet books I had pored over as a child!
-Got through the agony of my London partner deciding he needed to follow his heart and move back to California to live in a bhuddist community. It nearly killed me; this second loss of a partner; but I rallied - took me several years to get over it though. Now I am able to help friends experiencing similar loss because of my depth of understanding.
-Became known as an international speaker on internet marketing in the arts and spoke at conferences in Norway, LA, London,Philadelphia, San Francisco, Brisbane and Adelaide.Still pinch myself over this.
-Co-authored a book on the subject commissioned by Arts Council England
-Travelled 8 times to New York to work in my company's NY office - got to know the city I had always dreamed off and been attracted to, and made several really close friends there who I can stay with whenever I want
-Had many many travel adventures and met like minded people all over the globe (small adventures - I can be timid - I am not sporty like Pikasam, Mike E etc!)
-Put myself first and made a difficult decision to come back to New Zealand, but got myself a great job to come back to (my last job).
-

...with the exception of:
-Boldly turned down overtures from my ex-husband who decided he'd made a big mistake and phoned me in London. Felt vindicated.
(Might have felt tempted to go back to him to make life easier for me and my kids...)

(Very proud of this) - within a year had made a name for myself in NZ too (often harder in your own country) and was being invited to regularly speak at conferences.
(Nope - wouldn't have had the international work experience to build this reputation and would have had to have part-time jobs to care for my kids.)

-Got through a period of 3 months of clinical depression and learned about myself and my limits - physically, emotionally and creatively, in a way that has changed the way I live and my priorities.
(Most certainly would have had worse depression as a single Mum, with the stresses and strains of it. I am prone to depression and have to be careful.)

-Met my DH and married him! Best achievement yet!
(I really doubt I would have found a man like my husband had I been a solo Mum - just wouldn't have met him and he probably wouldn't have considered a romance.)


-Rescued Phoebe (my little cat)and turned her from being completely nervous and needy to having a great, confident life of her own.
(Phoebe would have been traumatised in a house with children.)

-Sponsored a now 6-year-old girl at the Orphan Help Centre in Nepal - co-set up by a woman who lives here in Auckland, and have paid for her housing, clothing and schooling for the last 2 years (now planning a trip to visit and volunteer in the next few years).
(No way - my money would have gone on my own children.)

-Co-authored another arts marketing book (published just over a year ago).
(Forget it - co-authoring this book took every weekend for a year.)

-Ran a 10.5km 1/4 marathon (having never been sporty before).
(Maybe. There are many superwomen who can be Mums and do all this stuff. Not really me though. I know I wouldn't have been able to devote the time and brainspace necessary to train.)

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