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Joined: Nov 2007
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lbrett Offline OP
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I recently miscarried my first pregnancy (ironically enough on october 15th, a date i have just learned is the memorial day for miscarriages...) and I am wondering if it is normal for my period to be delayed or to possibly skip one.

This site has been a wonderful help for me. Until I found an article here, I had not been able to put into words the pain and sadness I have felt. My husband and I had only been married a month when I found out that I was pregnant. We had only a few days to celebrate until I started bleeding. I felt like no one understood my emotions. My husband was a wonderful support for me - he didnt try to blame me or say "better luck next time" he just silently and gently consolled me as I grieved. It seemed like I could not stop crying no matter what.. I have never been so sad in all my life. But when I told my mother, she said "well you shouldnt let your husband drink alchohol when you might be getting pregnant." and then she made a comment about how I must not have been eating enough folic acid. And that it was for the best because of our finances. And this way I will get to enjoy our newly wed years. I would have enjoyed my baby!! None of this was my fault - in all likelyhood it was a simple chromosome imbalance. Doomed from conception.

The worst was when my brother in laws girlfriend (who had just weeks before voluntarily aborted a healthy ten week old pregnancy) said "I know how you feel." I couldnt believe it! How can someone who willingly killed their baby understand how I feel when I have been robbed of mine. When my neighbor found out she said "oh well you should have gone to the doctor as soon as you saw blood - they couldve prevented it." No they couldnt have. It isnt possible. What a cruel thing to say.

I loved the little guy even though he (or she) was just a little glob of cells. He was my little lima bean. I talked to him at night and thought about all the fun adventures we were going to have together. I know my pregnancy didnt last long and Im sure its nothing like the pain of losing a more advanced pregnancy, but it was a horrific trial for my husband and I from an emotional perspective. People need to understand that a miscarriage is not just "whoops, try again next month!" It is losing a baby that for however long, even just a few days or weeks, was precious and loved and it's an experience that changes you. I felt like all the joy and wonder had been removed from the concept of pregnancy. Despite favorable statistics, I worry about my next pregnancy and will my body reject that one too? Miscarriage made me feel like a defective woman and although it doesnt hurt nearly as much now as it did a few weeks ago, I know I will always wonder what this little baby could have been like.

Sorry but it feels good to get this out of my head. Anyways, back to the topic - Is it typical to have a delayed period after a miscarriage?


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I am so sorry to hear about your miscarriage! I had a miscarriage last march and it was also my first. I know exactly what you are going through. Somedays I still have a very hard time with it. Right now I am having some fertility problems so I think that adds to it. Anyway, after I had my miscarriage my periods were crazy!! I use to have a period every two weeks and now I'm lucky if I have one every three months. My doctor told me I should regulate in a few months. I asked my sister (who is the mother of twins. WHATEVER!!!!) if her periods were screwed up after she delivered and she said it took her almost six months to regulate. So don't worry, just give yourself some more time.

Now that I've answered your question I just want to say that it really does get easier to bear. Don't get me wrong, nobody wanted that baby more than me but as time passes it gets easier. If it makes you feel any better my husband has 5 brothers and sisters all of which feel the need to pop out a kid a year. It is very frustrated watching one after the other get pregnant while I can't. Anyway your not alone, I went through the same emotions that you are having now. My best advice is to take a hot bath and cry it out, and find someone that you can really talk to. My poor sister has heard my sob stories so many times but it really does help. I suggest you find a woman. Although I love my husband, he just doesn't show the same compassion that you can get from a woman.

Hang in there! Although you will never forget the one you lost, someday you will be ready to try again.

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Hey Ibrett,
It is true, the pain of miscarriage is very hard to put into words. For me there is just an over whelming feeling of sadness.

Also friends and family can really put there foot in it when the try to help. My mum is forever doing that. I now seem to be over-sensitive to whatever she says. The other day she said that something like 1 in 3 pregnancies end in miscarriage, which made me angry because I felt she meant that everyone suffers from one, so whats the big deal. I corrected her and said that it is not known how many but it is estimated between 1 in 8 and 1 in 5... Am sure mum didn't mean to hurt me, I think I just would rather she didn't say anything sometimes.. Maybe it is my hormones playing up again.

Am so sorry to hear of your loss.I hope and pray that you are healing as well as can be. The first miscarriage for me, was the most difficult. I could not stop crying but thanks to this forum and my husband, I did get some consoling words and prayers. Everyone is different, and I do believe every miscarriage is tough and heart breaking no matter how many times we've had one or how many weeks.

To answer your question, after the 1st miscarriage it took 6 months before I got my period ( I had a d&c at 12 weeks). My doc said this wasn't very normal, but just as I was about to go for an ultra-sound, I got my period,:D
My other 3 miscarriages have been different. My period seems to have come straight back to normal afterwards, (but each was a natural miscarriage at 5/6 weeks). I guess everyone's body is different. If you are worried maybe pay your doc a visit and see what (s)he says..

Wish you all the best in 2008, God bless, will say a few prayers for you
xx

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I am so very sorry for your loss and that you have to experience such ignorance from other people. I have been reading forums like these to find a way to help my daughter cope with her loss. It was her first as well and is dealing with ignorant and blatantly cruel people. She was at her Bf friends house and this mutual aquaintence had called and said she and her newborn were coming over the other friend informed her it was not a good idea because my daughter would be upset seeing the baby. This person ignored the request and came over anyway, my daughter was so hurt by this intentional meaness and left. I can only imagine the pain of the loss I was a wouldbe grandma and I am devastated and angry I want answers, which sadly i will never really have. We had seen the baby via sono at 9 weeks and all was great 3 weeks later that precious baby was gone and had been since a day or so after the sono. Just doesnt make sense, so I just try and help comfort and support her.

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Personaly I dont see what the big deal is. common sense would tell you what not to say or do when dealing with someone griefing! So what is the big deal with all this ignorence?
I mean I can understand someone saying something and unintentionaly hurting your feelings but some of the things that you all have talked about are just plan crule and vicous!!!

I am child free and I have never been pregnat and I have to addmit that I have said a few things that have come out wrong or that I didnt think would be hurtful and they were but come on! there is a big differents between accusing the mother and blaming her and some one saying Maybe this is Gods way of opening a door for you to adopt?"

I know bad timing and all but... I was tring to be helpful and maybe help some orphined child find a good home... and I was about 15 and clueless but even back then....I never even thought about saying anything that hurtful.

on topic....

I was told by severao women in my family that had normal periods that a year after the pregnacy if your period has not regulated to your normal cycle that you need to get checked out and if you dont start or have a period with in 4 months to go get checked. on the other hand many of the women in my family have wacky periods and after the pregnacy they have periods you can set your clock by!

a nurse told me that if you bleed or spot for a long time after a pregnacy that it take a while for the lineing in the uterus to build back up so it can sheid also the hormones are unstable if breast feeding or not the body is still trying to adjust itself and find its new normal. She worked in a maturnity ward before she moved here and she had five grandchilds so I figure she knew what she was talking about....

I am sorry for all of your losses. I cant even pretend to know the pain. I wish you all well and hope that you heal.


Moderated by  Christine - Miscarriage 

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