BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Please Make the Bingoing Stop!

Sorry you had to go through that, Amber. I would have HATED being there and would have wanted to leave immediately. I think Deborah asked an interesting question - what are YOU getting out of it being with the family? It sounds like you are in the same situation as me, though - you are probably going along b/c it's your DH's family. I had no interest in going there over the holiday, but I knew we kind of had to go b/c it's our first Christmas in Southern Florida. Next year will be different, Thanksgiving is plenty of obligatory family time. Who needs it?

Thankfully there wasn't multiple sets of parents there like you had to deal with. That sucks! Have you talked to your DH about their comments? How does he feel? For some reason it doesn't seem to bother the guys as much.

It's like a freakin cult - that they all have this common lifestyle. And kids are interesting to all of them. It's almost as bad as being at an accounting convention. I'm not into accounting, why would I want to hang out with accountants? Some parents are interesting, but for the ones in DH's family it's like their hobby.

I should really thank God that my other sister hasn't had kids, because she would probably be really boring, too.

I am an accountant and I wouldn't attend an accounting conference either - boring as!

You guys will possibly find this funny, but at the time, I was a little embarrassed. We know a couple who had a baby 15 months ago. Anyway, they decided to arrive, unannounced, on Christmas Eve at our house around 8pm. Given that we had people arriving at 8am the next morning, we were fairly busy trying to get everything done. So, they rocked in and settled down for a chat.

We were all sitting around chatting (except the baby who has discovered that she can walk & scream at earsplitting levels) and it somehow came up that somebody we know was dating a new girl. Completely without thinking I've said "Well, she's a breeder, they won't even be married a year before she's knocked up just to get out of going to work". You could have cut the air with a knife and the wife gave me the dirtiest look ever. My husband was trying not to laugh. Her husband was off talking about something else. That was my oops moment. I realised the mistake when we were talking about something else and they mentioned that it's their 3 year anniversary next March. That means she got pregnant within 9 months of their marriage.

Somehow, I don't think she'll be bingoing me anymore.

I havn't really had to broach the subject with my family or my DW's family yet, but I have to deal with it alot at work. I work in the medical field which is laregely in part female, and I get a lot of "you don't understand the joy you are missing" [censored]. I had a vasectomy done a few months ago, and have still been hearing so much [censored] about it..I finally came up with a solution (one I plan to apply to the family when that comes around). I allow someone to have the "will you have children" conversation with me once. At the end of that conversation, I let them know that I respect their point of views, and ask that they respect mine, and not to bring it up again. Or else. I don't talk to one of my co-workers because she is a baby nazi and kept harrasing me about it. She has been informed that any futher communication will lead into me writing her up. That of course won't work for my family/her family. But I plan to tell them to respect it, or the next time they see me will either be at mine/or their funerals. I am sure it will cause world war 3, but i believe respecting one's decisions in life are important.

For example: I could have chosen anyone in the world I wanted for a spouse, and no matter how crazy my parents thought I was for doing so, they would eventually respect my decision and shut their mouths out of concern over "family cohesion". (luckily i really picked a winner).

This same thought process should be easily transfered to choosing not to have children as well. Thus far (other than the one) everyone at work is very respectfull of it, and their is 2 or 3 people that are nice enough about it they we have the conversation reguarly (although its not the same "bingo" information, we discuss different views, and thoughts, almost like a good conversation about politics) but the others we just don't bring it up.


Skeeter

Sorry..it repeated so I deleted this one, no need for two long posts.

I ghave children, but I'm waaay against people having any more,.....

When people say
"Oh but think of the joy you're missing...."

I ask them to name me 5 concrete definite things kids do to bring joy - but then, I ask them to balance it out and name me 5 things that bring the opposite (stress, tension, sadness....)

They very often have a hard time with the former (and I can usually say that it's the same with getting a puppy....!)
- and usually, with the latter, they can name more than 5.....

So then I tell them 5 things that bring me joy with NO kids - and 5 'sorrows'....but I can't think of 5 sorrows....

I keep getting the "Who'll look after you when you're old?" and I reply -
"You're assuming I'll GET old.... but - people like YOUR kids - and they'll be paid to do it!"

Besides, I have kids.....!

I got two quotes for everyone...

"Elder abuse is often defined as a single, or repeated act, or lack of appropriate action, occurring within any relationship where there is an expectation of trust which causes harm or distress to an older person."

"Abusing relatives represent the majority of abusers, and tend to be the spouse/partner or sons and daughters"

both quotes fromBellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

I don't mind going to DH's family's gatherings for the most part. I do enjoy spending time with most of them. He has a lot of interesting and fun family members and the majority of them do not torture us with the "when are you going to have kids?" bit.

It is just a select few who corner me, or us as the case may be, and harass me/us. I try to avoid them and their questions, but they always manage to get ahold of me at some point throughout the evening. I answer them firmly and politely but they don't want to hear it. I just get myself away from the bingoer as soon as I can and get involved in a conversation with someone else. I think that I may quit giving such definate answers and just change the subject.

Oh well, someday DH and I will come to a family gathering after he has his vasectomy and then I will just tell the family, "Look, there will be no children in our future. DH got a vasectomy." I cannot wait for that day!

That's awesome. I've lost count of the number of times I would have LOVED to call it how I see it, but social niceties held me back.

Nice thing is, maybe they'll stop dropping in unannounced now as well!! (LMAO).

That is hysterically funny! Some of my friends with kids are "breeders", too. My sister and this other girl I know waited five years before their first child - I have three other friends who were either pregnant or having their first child before their first anniversary.

Awesome - I love it! I think I'm going to start speaking my mind, too. We take so much [censored] on this particular issue - it's about time we had some fun with it.

And it's so true that women have babies to get out of going to work! And then they judge US. And I can understand why this bugs men, too. It really pushes my DH's buttons that women want to stay at home. If we both worked and had kids, he would totally help around the house. That's how he is. But I'm glad I never have to find out how helpful he would be!

My BIL was a stay at home Dad. His wife is the breadwinner - she's a doctor. I can't help it - I judge him. I think it's really lame that he isn't supporting his family financially. He intentionally chose teaching so he could stay at home with the kids. Now they have financial problems, and his kids are in school. I feel like screaming, "dude, get a real job and support your kids." I'm an equal opportunity person, and I think it's lame when women do this, too - pick some lightweight career and let their husband bust his hump at work. I know they do work in the home, but I think being a housewife is a cop out for many women that are afraid of failing in the "real world." And they might never be managers at work, but they are in a position of power at home b/c they tell the kids what to do, and what they say goes.

My SAH BIL gossiped about DH's house last year when they visited (I wasn't living with him yet.) I was [censored]. I felt like saying, "well, he has a REAL job and doesn't have time to sit around dusting like you do." It's like, yeah, if housework is your life's work, I would expect your house to be cleaner than ours. And, we went there a month ago, and their house was a HELL HOLE. In addition to the two kids, they have three pets. His daughter's horse manure encrusted riding boot was on the coffee table. Disgusting! Talk about taking on too much.