BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Being excluded by all parts of society sucks

I am a 28 year old who at one time wanted kids. My husband had no sperm, thus, I weighed my options (and looked at the bank account). I have since realized what life has to offer someone who has complete freedom. I can do whatever whenever. I used to be depressed at get-togethers because I felt I was missing out. Now I feel bad because I have the same old high school alienation back. People my age have kids. People older have had kids. People younger than me think I am someone I am not because I used to want to be like everyone else. The family ideal was my solution to fitting into this world somewhere. I used to be a real wild child before I got married and thought I could be normal. I have embraced my new life. But its kind of my old life again. I just don't know how to make any friends. I have several close acquaintances who think I'm a square (because I had seriously tamed myself down) and am too old to be invited along to socialize. To make it worse I work above them in a management situation. At one time I used to not care what anyone thought(about my private life) and life was fun. How do I get that back? I have had to change in my head everything I thought the future would be. Now, I don't want a plan. I want everything except predictable. I have a lot of sorta-friends in the gay community here. Anyone out there having trouble being a married weirdo in a straight up and down society?

Hello and Welcome to my life!!! everyone thinks your abnormal because you dont have kids and thinks well to be a normal woman you must at lest try everything humanly posible to have kids and then morn for life because you dont have kids and then adopt hundreds to make up for it! Yes I am right there with you at age 27 and cf married to a guy that is 48 and he doesnt have kids either.

I have found some friends that we go to play cards with and they have two nieces they are raiseing, she has 2 girls and he has 2 boys and they dont push the must have kids thing they will ask us what we think about something to do with the kids and I have never heard a word about how i should have kids they even believe it is a good thing not to have kids if you dont want them!

I find that the foster parents circle or the people that have to raise someone elses kids because they had them and didnt want them are more supportive of the CF life style.

This is just my friends thoughts but she told me one time that if someone had to raise a child that didnt have anywhere else to go before they had a child that there would be more people that choose not to have kids and better parents of the ones that did choose to have kids. She also said that some people that thought that they would love to be parents would have a change of heart as well as the die hard cf would. I thought that was a interesting consept that would help the unwanted kids and the future parents as well as changing the way that people view the whole must have kids issue!

It isn't that I have a problem with other people's kids, but I like to do adult things. My best friend has a daughter who I love, and my husband has a best friend with a son who we love also, but it is hard to get either one of them out of the house since they don't always have a sitter. Me, my husband, and my best friend Bex go out every Thursday and play games downtown at a local game shop and it is a lot of fun. I just miss going to the concerts, the parties, basically the socializing I used to do. Sometimes its nice to hang with people who aren't domesticated.We're going to Vegas and LA coast next summer so that should kick things off. People tend to think you go into auto-lame when you get married. And really, the reason I got married was mostly for the insurance. We'd still be together, just no papers. At work I think I convey this supre-responsible woman with glasses who doesn't goof off too much at work. I've hung with people before, I just haven't really let loose too much. I am worried if I go back to being me again, these people don't know the old me, and will think I'm being pretentious and just trying to be young as they are. It's like when you tell people you're married, they are thinking "Hmm, this person probably has to answer to the spouse and therefore will not be too exciting". I think I just need to give up on the imagining what other people think habit I have gotten. I've always been a bit of a misfit, even before it was cool, but I don't know if anyone will beleive me. I guess just don't pretend to be who you aren't.