BellaOnline Forums Family Daughters My daughter is growing up WAY too fast !!

Recently my 10 year old came to me and told me when she had gone to the bathroom (pee only) that there had been blood in the toilet AND on the tissue when she wiped. Of course my first thought was that maybe she had a bladder infection. I gave her a pad just in case (my periods are so heavy I have to wear both a pad and a tampon to get through them).

We went to the doctor and had her tested, no bladder infection. The doctor did a quick exam (which my daughter said was awkward) and didn't see anything that would make her think she was injured in the area either. Of course she said its posible that she might be about to start her period. Some spotting is not uncommon prior to the beginning.

My daughter seems fine with it all, hasn't said much about it once we went to the doctors office and found she had no bladder infection. Of course I did tell her that it was posible she would start her period just like the doctor had said. I made sure she had pads in her back pack and will have to go and speak with her teacher as well. I shudder at the thought of her having her period the first time at school and being affraid or upset.

I know this is not all about me but I am NOT ready for this...I have remained cool and calm with her but inside my mind is screaming that I am not ready for this. I have a thousand worries, like is she going to have periods as HORRIBLE as mine?, as painful, as heavy...

THEN of course an episode of an HBO show called Tell Me You Love Me made me start thinking about everything else. This program just happens to have a 10 year old who just started her period. She has also asked her Mother about touching herself. I am SO not ready for this, I don't even have words.

I have a friend who has identical twins who are older then my daughter but they have not started "punctuation" yet. Their Mother is thankful because they are already like "a bag full of tomcats" at times. I can't imagine what it would be like to have PMS-ing girls in stereo.

Is there anyone that has some advice for me?

Being a twin myself, I can only imagine what my sister and I put our mom through.

10 does seem very young to us moms, but it is actually in the normal range. Crazy, eh? My oldest is 9yo and showing signs of puberty kicking in very soon. I'm trying not to freak, too.

If your daughter's teacher has been teaching this age for even a few years, I'm sure she is used to this by now so bring it up discretely about the changes of your daughter's body. You were wise to have your daughter keep supplies in her backpack. Have you explained how to use them?

Our children feed off us so how we respond to these changes will set the stage for how they respond to them. Take it slow and remain calm like you have been. Don't offer any more information than necessary. I know some mothers who have a mother-daughter celebration, some approach it matter-of-factly. Go with what suits you and your daughter.

Best wishes to you and your daughter.

Hugs!

Jordan is 10 also. She hasn't started her period yet, but she's started "budding" up top - needs to wear a sports bra to cheerleading now. She also has started havign hair grow under her arms and "down there". The pediatrician said these signs normally come first, and then the bleeding will start within about a year. But, she said all these things can occur in any order, depending on the child.

Jordan has never been a private child, meaning she has no inhibitions for her privacy or mine, LOL! So she came bursting in on me in the restroom about 3 years ago, and saw me changing a pad (this was right before my hystercetomy). And she freaked seeing the blood, so we had part of "the talk" then. Then her 11 year old cousin started this past summer, and I think my niece was more freaked out than my daughter.

Of course, it may totally change when she actually starts herself!

My daughter is 15 and she started aroung 13 with her period. The most awkward thing for her was in the summer when she couldn't swim and all of her friends knew why. She started using tampons last year. I showed her how they work befor she went into the bathroom (talk about awkward) I am just glad she asked me and not one of her friends like I had to. I had a long talk with her about tampons and keeping herself clean, changing them often and not sleeping with them in to avoid toxic shock. Hang in there Lisa, as they say, this too shall pass and become just a normal part of life. I will tell you that my daughter had PMS long before she started her period, and it gets worse as they get older.

My poor husband lol. He has no idea how to deal with her now. I think it is kind of funny, sometimes he looks at me like "what did I do now?" poor man, has no clue. She used to be the one who gave him no trouble, now somedays he can't even say hello to her.

I feel for you. I have 3 daughters and the oldest will be 13 in a few days. She has shown signs of starting puberty but nothing yet. Which is fine with me. I am not ready for my daughters to become teenagers.. I joke with her and tell her that she can't date until after she is turns 50. She just laughs at me. All of my girls are great kids and I wouldn't trade them for the world..

I think it's a shame that we don't have a popular ritual to welcome our girls into womanhood. My oldest daughter is only seven, but i would like to have close girl and woman friends come over and join us for a special tea, with dancing and body painting- something really goofy and fun. I just remember being ashamed of my body at that point in time, and it doesn't have to be that way.

I love it!!! I have a sixteen year old girl and she is so much harder than my two boys. But she is also closer to me, tells me everything, and I am so glad to have her. When she goes away (camp) I always think it will be my vacation, but I miss her too much! Yes, girls are harder, moodier, and whinier. And Dad's don't have a clue. But there is nothing like a mother daughter relationship. Enjoy what you can.

Carol - you are right, there is nothing like the mother/daughter relationship. I know someone that got in a fight with their mom and didn't talk to her for a year. She didn't tell me what the fight was about, but I couldn't imagine not talking to my mom or my daughter for a year! What could be so bad? I don't get it!

Lorel - great Idea! We could call it a "party for your period." LOL I do remember feeling embarrassed about the whole thing, and then I couldn't imagine why my mom was telling everyone? What was the big deal?

I also want it to be a time of celebration and joy for my daughters. I recently realized that my oldest daughter (9yo) new more about intimacy than I realized. I want to be sure she has correct and positive information about it so I scheduled a mother-daughter date with her and informed her that it would be one of our topics of discussion that day. We went to lunch then went shopping at the mall for a few girlie things for her: lip gloss and clip-on earrings. It turned into a very fun afternoon that my daughter continues to talk about in a "Hey, remember that really great day when..." way.

Well I started this post a couple months ago and still nothing on the punctuation front.

Diane has always come in the bathroom with me and even at times takes a shower with me so she is not shocked by the blood. We have had a frank discussion about it AND I have shown her how to use the pads.

She tells me that one of her friends is already growing hair down there and under her arms, so far Diane is not that far along yet. She is having to wear a bra. We got the little cotton ones that look more like a jog bra and some new panties. They weren't sets but she matched them up and ran around the house showing off because she knew she looked cute.

She is still young enough that she thought it funny when I put one of her bras on our black cat Salem. I should imagine in a year or two that will be an unforgivable offense.