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Joined: Oct 2007
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haridas Offline OP
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Before and after


Here are some examples of long-winded official writing with our alternatives.
Before

High-quality learning environments are a necessary precondition for facilitation and enhancement of the ongoing learning process.
After

Children need good schools if they are to learn properly.

Before

If there are any points on which you require explanation or further particulars we shall be glad to furnish such additional details as may be required by telephone.
After

If you have any questions, please phone.

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Koala
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A certain pretentious course catalog. I never know whether to giggle or groan when i read it...

Before:

ARTS 040 - Visual Concepts and Processes: Drawing

Course will initiate practice and appreciation of graphic expression, with an emphasis on developing a conceptual understanding of traditional and contemporary pictorial concerns beginning with traditional observation drawing to sharpen perceptual awareness. Diagrammatic line and principles of perspective will be presented as spatial and compositional concepts. Assignments: ability to graphically locate objects on a ground plane; use of line, value, shape, texture as a descriptive design vocabulary; the human figure as dynamic form; engaging representation and abstraction as responsive narrative.

(Now tell the truth... did you understand half of that? LOL)

After:

ARTS 040 - Beginning Drawing

Learn to draw what you see. View fine drawings throughout history and hear why they are thought to be good. Draw buildings and other objects in three dimentions and learn how to make it look real.

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haridas Offline OP
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I understood nothing.

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Koala
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It's just a beginning drawing class. They teach the very same things that they teach at the community college. The state and accrediting organizations set uniform standards for this course. This is how the same course material is described at a community college:

"An introduction to the fundamentals ofdrawing from observation through the use ofvarious methods, materials, and subjects.Emphasis on black and white media."

The typos in there are real... i just pulled it off of their website!


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