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Advice Needed: Dating a Divorcing Woman #327439 07/08/07 02:59 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 2
telemarktumalo Offline OP
OP Offline
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 2
I've been dating a woman for 9 months and she is going through her second divorce. Legal issues are ongoing and the divorce proceedings are set for August. A big part of this is custody of her 7 year old son. I've been divorced myself for almost 10 years. Our relationship advanced fairly rapidly throughout last fall and winter, we became intimate sexually and emotionally. I think the world of her and really want our relationship to work out. Recently, she told me she needed to slow down... even back up.... stop our sexual intimacy and date. She tells me she is afraid of repeating previous mistakes and feels the need to be single and independent. She says that she is feeling overwhelmed with the financial drain of the divorce, legal wranglings, dealing with lawyers and having time to devote to her family and to her health and well being. I think my involvement with her takes her time away from these other issues. However, she still wants to see me, to date even, but with these more distant restrictions. I admit that I'm hurt and have felt rejected. I've tried to a be a good partner, respecting her privacy, her relationships with her 7 year old and her two boys from her previous marriage (ages 19 and 21). I've tried to be supportive of her interests and encouraging of her independent pursuits.

I know that getting involved with a divorcing person can be disastrous, but I can't help feeling that I'm in the process of losing touch with someone that I love. I've decided that I can be patient, give her space and time and be a friend that she knows will stick by her. I suppose I worry that I'm just the "rebound guy" and that my usefulness has been exhausted and that now that the heat of the divorce is pending, that I'm now expendable.

I welcome any advice and appreciate the space on here to post.

Re: Advice Needed: Dating a Divorcing Woman [Re: telemarktumalo] #346970 10/10/07 11:21 AM
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 727
Maxwell Offline
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 727
I think it's sensible to be cautious after a break up - there is so much going on in your life. Committing yourself too quickly can be a mistake.
If you have deep feelings for your girlfriend I'd give her some space, respect her wishes. I'd also have a calm discussion with her about her feelings to satisfy myself that she was genuinely interested in me. She probably needs a supporting shoulder to see her through the messy finale of her marriage - once her life settles again - she'll be in a better frame of mind to start afresh.
Good luck - hope it works out...

Re: Advice Needed: Dating a Divorcing Woman [Re: Maxwell] #347453 10/12/07 05:05 PM
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2
payment proof Offline
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 2
I agree. It is sensible to be cautious, but also--don't close off your heart completely.

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