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unconditional love? #347233
10/11/07 05:32 PM
10/11/07 05:32 PM
Joined: May 2005
Posts: 351
Buffalo, NY
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indigo2 Offline OP
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indigo2  Offline OP
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Joined: May 2005
Posts: 351
Buffalo, NY
i just had to post this! this morning i was working at the gym. the instructor was talking about her 4 yr. old son(very nice and cute kid)anyway, she said that he's the first person she has felt unconditional love from.i thought to myself what about her husband?(don't know if she's married or has a boyfriend)anyway, i certainly feel that my hubby has unconditional love for me and vice versa.i also have a few friends that i feel that way about. i mean i don't know why people think that children are the only ones to give unconditional love. i mean my parents dog even gives that to me. also with so many parents having strained relationships with their kids as they get older there's no garuantee of continuing unconditional love.

that comment really struck me. i don't know .in a way i felt sad for her.i mean i really don't think a child should have such a burden placed on him/her.it sounded like to me that he's filling a huge hole in her life.

i believe that unconditional love should and does come from a variety of people in your life. i think it's just another manipulation to get people to have kids.

indigo

Living Without Children - Automated Note
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Re: unconditional love? [Re: indigo2] #347239
10/11/07 05:49 PM
10/11/07 05:49 PM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,002
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lngilbert Offline
Koala
lngilbert  Offline
Koala
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Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,002
I get unconditional love from my sugar glider, Hamlet. Also, my dogs. My husband, too.


You can't take the sky from me ...
Re: unconditional love? [Re: lngilbert] #347249
10/11/07 06:13 PM
10/11/07 06:13 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,438
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flyingaway Offline
Chipmunk
flyingaway  Offline
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,438
I agree with you Indigo. Does a mother love her child unconditionally too? Because then hasn't this woman received it from her own mother?

It does seem like setting yourself up for future loneliness when your child grows up and finds their own love life, and setting up your children to pull away from you because you're so needy.

My own mother pulls this [censored] all the time...she tells us she's only truly "happy" when she's around us (her kids). Then she's constantly dissatisfied, since I live 7 hours away (gee, wonder why?), and my sibling has a busy life and full time job. I think it's a sad way to live to always be clinging to someone who has their own life, and not be able to build deep relationships with anyone else.

Re: unconditional love? [Re: flyingaway] #347251
10/11/07 06:31 PM
10/11/07 06:31 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 756
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BillieCat Offline
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BillieCat  Offline
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Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 756
My mom does the same Frieda.

I know that teenagers don't give unconditional love.

Re: unconditional love? [Re: BillieCat] #347325
10/12/07 01:47 AM
10/12/07 01:47 AM
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 296
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bassgrrl Offline
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bassgrrl  Offline
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Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 296
But it's NOT unconditional! She feeds, houses and otherwise attends to the child's every need. Last I checked, those are conditions.

It sounds like she simply prefers parental obligations to spousal obligations.

Re: unconditional love? [Re: bassgrrl] #347328
10/12/07 02:01 AM
10/12/07 02:01 AM
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 113
T
Terrence Offline
Jellyfish
Terrence  Offline
Jellyfish
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 113
I know a good friend who does EVERYTHING for her child. The Dad is a deadbeat. Yet she still gets unwanted feedback from her son. Maybe in time he (the kid) will learn and understand.

I have plenty of other horror stories.....not the kind I like !

Re: unconditional love? [Re: Terrence] #347333
10/12/07 02:09 AM
10/12/07 02:09 AM
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,112
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Lisa_Orlando Offline
Parakeet
Lisa_Orlando  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,112
One thing I have been trying SO hard to do for my daughter is to make her independent. I don't DO everything for her because she is 10 years old and capable of learning to do things herself.

She does the dishes most of the time, she folds her laundry, if she is in trouble she folds mine as well. She makes her own bed and helps me make mine. She is responsible for putting the trash out at the curb and usually collecting it in the house beforehand. She scoops the litter box as well. Of course there are times when I do some of these things for her, especially when she has brought home good grades or something. She also is learning too cook. She has been capable of making her own dinner since she was in 1st grade, back then of course it was a frozen dinner but over time she learned to read the time on the box and put the time in herself. Now she can make things that are not from a box.

People who are a slave to their children do them NO favours, the real world is a shock to them when MOMMY isn't there to pick up the pieces. AND keeping a dead beat Dad around teaches the child that his behavior is not only OK but preferable.

Re: unconditional love? [Re: Lisa_Orlando] #347344
10/12/07 03:05 AM
10/12/07 03:05 AM
Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 727
Australia
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Maxwell Offline
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Maxwell  Offline
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Joined: Sep 2007
Posts: 727
Australia
I've heard the expression "unconditional love" for your child not for your parents. That is, you love your child because he/she is your child - that's it.
On this point - I recall seeing a documentary about death row a few years ago - a mother was saying that she loved her son unconditionally (he was facing execution) even though he was a convicted serial killer. She didn't approve of his actions or make excuses for him but he was still her boy...

Re: unconditional love? [Re: Maxwell] #347359
10/12/07 03:50 AM
10/12/07 03:50 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 923
NotInterested Offline
Parakeet
NotInterested  Offline
Parakeet
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 923
I wish my mother made me do the laundry, wash the dishes, etc when I was growing up. To this day, she still feels guilt over doing that. In trying to protect me (the oldest and only male child) she literally did me no favors for preparing for the future.

I ended up paying the price when I went to college and literally had no idea what the heck I was doing. When I ultimately moved out on my own, I was a fish out of water. I was lucky I didn't burn the water when I tried to boil it. (I kid you not!)

Luckily, my wife educikmated me in the ways of keeping house, cooking, etc. Ok, so she's not a good housekeeper, but I turned out to not be a good one either, so we're both on even ground there -- most definitely not a point of disagreement in our household.

I'm not perfect, but at least I know how to help out around the house. And when I do cook stuff, it is good (or so I've been told). But part of me still thinks that she just says that just because. Low self-esteem kicks in for some reason in that area of life for me.


Re: unconditional love? [Re: Maxwell] #347400
10/12/07 11:25 AM
10/12/07 11:25 AM
Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,112
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Lisa_Orlando Offline
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Lisa_Orlando  Offline
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Joined: Aug 2007
Posts: 1,112
Originally Posted By: Deborah49
I've heard the expression "unconditional love" for your child not for your parents. That is, you love your child because he/she is your child - that's it.
On this point - I recall seeing a documentary about death row a few years ago - a mother was saying that she loved her son unconditionally (he was facing execution) even though he was a convicted serial killer. She didn't approve of his actions or make excuses for him but he was still her boy...


That is how I feel about my daughter, no matter what she could do I would still love her. I might be hurt, dissappointed or whatever but she is part of my body, I could no sooner dis-own her then I would cut off my right arm because it had done something wrong.

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