BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage A 7 year limit on marriage?

What do people think about this idea of a 7 year limit on marriage? Sounds a bit crazy to me, but I do agree with the part about expanding how we define marriage . . .

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Hello Kristen - I hope you are well.

While I do not agree with a 7 year limit on marriage - I think the issue is really - can marriage today truly be a lifetime commitment and do people today really understand the issues surrounding it ?

Divorce is so ugly, painful and expensive in most instances. In my opinion the problem is that it is too easy to get married and there are a lot of societal pressure to get married. Think about it. In many states, getting a marriage license involves nothing more than filling out an application and paying a fee. Do two people really understand and internalize the types of things they will probably face after marriage - including day to day stress, children, illness, body change, boredom, fear of aging and mortality, difficult in-laws etc? Even if they hear such words spoken do they do more than just think in passing - "I can handle it all - no big deal". These issues are big deals.

For second marriages it can be even harder - there are ex - spouses, court dates and baggage that come with an earlier failed relationship.

People change and unless the couple has strong communication skills, a good sense of humor and a deep commitment that will rise above all other issues, the marriage will be difficult. I think each person in a marriage must be able to deal with their own personal issues as well. The people I know in good marriages generally have good self esteem and "like themselves". If you have low self esteem, then your spouse may be the best person in the world but the marriage may not work because the other person cannot deal with their own issues.

Just my opinion.

[censored]!! my husband can trade me in in about 5 1/2 yrs!! gee thanks Pauli....I dont want to be single!!! and Ill me hanged if i let my husband be!!!over my cold dead body!!!

just what people need an excuse to walk out of marriage...maybe that is why more and more people dont get married....they can keep there S/O's longer...no expireation dates there!!!

lol thats [censored]!

Just popping by and saw this post- and had a note to add.

I think the Celts had a 7 year assessment term for marriages. Every 7 years each partners could decide to end their relationship "no fault" or to reaffirm it for another 7 years.

It makes sense to me in some significant ways. It acknowledges that we each continue to grow up and the person we chose when younger might not be the person we want to continue with. (that was my first husband- can't imagine living with him now, but I loved him wholeheartedly when I was 19). The social anguish of divorce was awful. Would've been great to terminate with a handshake!

Seriously though, the seven year idea also provides for a lenghty enough term in which the couple has to live with life's ups and downs. If I left my marriage every time I was unhappy, I think I would have stayed married for about 3 months. The longer you are in a relationship, you realize that you will go through periods where you can't stand the sight of him, and then something turns around and you don't want to let him out of your sight you're so crazy about him. Waiting for a while can give a relationship a chance to work.

Having said that... what if the opt out year came during a lousy stretch??? I'm with you Freebubbles... [censored]!

Trishh, that is really interesting! I had never heard of that before. I like the idea of reaffirming the vows.

When I first saw this post I automatically thought of that Marylin Monrie movie, "The Seven Year Itch" - which basically said the same thing, the marriage goes stale at seven years, and people start looking, or wandering. My first marriage lasted about 9 years but we were separated for about a year of that, so we didn'y make it much farther past the "expiration date".

However, hubby and I are coming up on 7 years this February, and I don't see any end in sight.

We have the typical stressors of money and kids (kids may be a little more stressful than average, with it being a blended family, and 1 child with Asperger's). But I can't imagine being without him - he's truly my partner. My daughter made the comment a few monts aga "You and david never fight". I told her that we do, but it's not very often, and it's usually more like debating than fighting - althouhg every now and then we do get into a doozy - but the kids never see those. And I usually blame my hormones for those spats!

I've been married since I was nineteen and in college. I do not know what it is but I can't imagine not being with this man. WE've grown separately and together, both changing careers, and oh yes, we've had plenty of arguments, but I still get a thrill when he calls me at lunch and says, "Hi baby, how're doing?"

Someone once told us we had been together in quite a few past lives.

That's what everyone wants when they marry isn't it? Mind you, you didn't say if you were currently 20....
My guy and I just celebrated 9 years yesterday and like you both, this one is one I can't do without.
Funny how that is.
But on the 7 year thing... as I was writing my comment this morning, I reflected that 2 years ago (7 years into our marriage) things were just emerging from the most dreadful period of our time together. It was a combination of kids, health, money and every other stressor you can imagine, and I am sure that if we had not made a move and changed our lives drastically, we wouldn't have survived. So, let's just say, I'm glad I'm not a Celt!
Blessings on you both! yay for love!