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Re: Empowering Questions [Re: hollyelise] #335398
08/23/07 12:31 AM
08/23/07 12:31 AM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 335
BC, Canada
Tami S Offline
Shark
Tami S  Offline
Shark
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 335
BC, Canada
Hi Holly,

You are such an understanding person and I so appreciate you.

I wish I had read this earlier, but now I'm running out of time. I hope I say this clearly enough.

One thing that really helped me deal with letting other people down was to focus on being OK with me. I used to be a real "people pleaser". I couldn't stay one and maintain my sanity so I chose to commit to letting go of other people's expectations.

It definitely was a process and not an overnight thing. However, I started to look at the intentions of my own heart. I knew if I had a good intentions, it didn't matter what they thought of me. It used to be soooo important to me that others liked me and knew where I was coming from. I realized what was most important was that I was OK with myself.

Honestly, so many people have judgments and criticisms of what they don't understand. It was a tough time during CFS, but somehow I am thankful now because it has made me a stronger person. Even now, I am recovering from car accident injuries and people judge me because they think I should be doing things differently. I refuse to come underneath their standards. Why should I give them permission to decide how I am feeling?

The other thing I've learned is that I will always let someone down. I will never get caught up and it's OK! I am still a valuable, caring person who is making some kind of positive impact in this world (you are too).

You hit the nail on the head when you said you need to find a way of taking care of yourself and feeling less stressed. One of the ways of helping is by doing things which energize you. Perhaps your focus needs to be ON YOU and NOT THEM.

You've listed some things that help. What are the kinds of things that leave you feeling energized and excited about life?

You deserve to do something for yourself. Would you expect your car to run without giving it oil and gas? Of course not! What does it matter if your gas mileage is different from someone else's? It's time to fill up your tank.

As I've said before, we need to be careful not to compare ourselves with other people (or their expectations). In order to succeed at being ourselves, we need to find out what works for us personally.

What is your thought life like? Positive thoughts can energize us and negative thoughts can drain us. You may have taken on what you know is possible when you are thinking positively. It might be worth a try to change your way of thinking.

Your mind is very powerful, if you tell yourself you can't do it, guess what? You will not do it. However, when you tell yourself you CAN do it, you might be amazed at what you can accomplish! I know this is not a new thought to you, but hey, every one of us gets challenged and needs a reminder, including me laugh

If you still find you are overwhelmed, something will need to be done. I really do understand how hard it is to disappoint people and I feel for you. However, you are already wasting precious energy worrying about what they think. If it comes down to it, ask yourself what one project is creating the most stress for you.

I would have to know more to talk about that with you, but what if we did a little trial first and assumed you already have the ability to do what needs to be done? You just need to give you the positive support you need. In a way, I think you actually said that in your post. smile

You see, your heart really does have the answer. What if you just listened to what your heart is telling you to do?

Warmly,

Tami



Tami is an Executive Leadership and Business Women's Coach. She invites women to use their genius in business in today's wild economy. http://www.UlimateBusinessCamp.com
Re: Empowering Questions [Re: Tami S] #335424
08/23/07 03:46 AM
08/23/07 03:46 AM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,209
H
hollyelise Offline OP
Koala
hollyelise  Offline OP
Koala
H
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,209
Well, i find it difficult if not impossible to assess the situation.

For instance, these commitments...is it for them or is it for me? Well, yes to both. Isn't it always, really, when it comes down to it? Even if we are people pleasing it is because we are attempting to fill a need we have. But in my present case we're not talking about situations where i'm giving in solely out of peer pressure. There were opportunities and i was trying to get ahead, but things are developing on different fronts simultaneously and making it complex. Like the first job, a commission, i took when i didn't have the other obligations. That's the most simple. But it is an agreement, a verbal contract, and i wish to honor my contracts. Several of the rest are more complicated...one of the others became urgent as i learned more, situations changed, new things came on the horizon, they are with people i care about and they want something very much from me, etc.

And what you mentioned about positive and negative is very true... only it's not like i have a single, constant view. In any given day i have times when i'm feeling optimistic and pessimistic. I don't have the kind of steadiness i'd like. So when i'm optimistic i take advantage of the energy and do my best work, but when i am pessimistic i get very stressed or overwhelmed. Unfortunately i talk at both times from the points of view of these "realities," so this confuses everyone else!

I think i just have to ride this one, Tami. I try to be less pessimistic or stressed or scared when i'm feeling it, and use the good moods as much as i can when i'm feeling better, and try to make progress as things are. But as for trying to make an objective assessment when sometimes i'm hopeful and sometimes so discouraged... i don't think it's possible, for me, right now. I think i need to just go with the plan, stick to it for a month or more, then assess based on results rather than following my heart which changes each hour. I'm all for heart... but i have to admit that if i go with my heart in the morning it will have one answer, and in the evening it will have another and that's a recipe for floundering because it will leave me with too many directions. There is no one beacon of light at the moment for me marking a clear way, it's more like a few disco strobes, hahaha.

I have decided i'll put my trust in the current plan and see what shakes out. No doubt i will worry and complain LOTS and get overwhelmed and freak out and say i can't, i can't, i can't! ...but i don't know... do i say this because i really am pushing myself too hard and i'm going to crash and get hurt? maybe even have some very bad consequences? ...or am i saying this when i'm challenged to break through limiting beliefs and grow?

see. i don't know.

Re: Empowering Questions [Re: hollyelise] #335432
08/23/07 05:15 AM
08/23/07 05:15 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,726
Maryland
babyquacker Offline
Chipmunk
babyquacker  Offline
Chipmunk
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,726
Maryland
Holly, the Lord NEVER gives us more than we can handle. Sometimes we feel as though we are not going to be able to "do it all", but if we keep chipping away, somehow it DOES all get done. wink

I know exactly how you feel when you have things that you have PROMISED you would do, things that you MUST do, things that you WANT to do all mixed in together and suddenly a deadline starts to approach. All of these things HAVE to be finished. Your stress level goes up, your confidence in completing them goes down and you begin questioning WHY you ever agreed to do much at one time.

In your positive thinking mood, Holly, you THOUGHT you could accomplish everything that you are attempting right now, because you KNEW YOU COULD. It is only human nature to try and sabbotage ourselves into being less successful with negative thoughts. What you are doing now, I think, is what EVERY great person, who is accomplished, does while they are completing their many tasks that make them great: Doubting their ability.

You don't need to worry about your ability, just keep working with your talents. As the deadline approaches, your "promised" and "must-do" work will become more swift and intense as "want-to" work will become idle. It is amazing how the important work ALWAYS gets done but we seem to NEED to stress about it. But we DON'T NEED TO STRESS about it. What we need to do is TRUST ourselves and BELIEVE that our PAST RECORDS have proven that we are CAPABLE of PERFORMING at the level we have SET FOR OURSELVES.

Yes, Holly, you have set a great challenge before yourself but it is one that you knew, through positive thinking, that you COULD HANDLE. Take a few minutes EVERY time you need to sit and take a quick break with your friends for a pat on the back, a good joke, or just a big, virtual hug and smile laugh to be reminded that YOU CAN DO IT. We are going to be RIGHT HERE when you finish all your work in a few weeks and we will be ready for all our big, long talks again!!

Remember, girlfriend, take those deep breaths, stretch those muscles and smile every now and then so you can de-stress while you finish up!! My thoughts and prayers are with you, Holly, and I can see you almost at the top of the hill... With all your confidence, skill, and talents you are almost there ... Keep going!! God bless you with strength, calmness, endurance and lots of confidence as you complete your work.

Your friend,

Trish

Re: Empowering Questions [Re: hollyelise] #335433
08/23/07 05:25 AM
08/23/07 05:25 AM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 335
BC, Canada
Tami S Offline
Shark
Tami S  Offline
Shark
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 335
BC, Canada
Hi Holly,

Oh dear, I really hear your confusion in all of this. Yes, I do realize you aren't talking about peer pressure...these are very big and valid concerns you have.

Funny enough you've still made a decision to plan to move ahead. Congratulations! I guess you'll find out the answers to your questions as you go forward. Wouldn't it be wonderful if you surprised yourself in a really good way?

I hope you know we're all here at Bella cheering you on, Holly.

Just remember to keep looking after you!

Warmly,

Tami


Tami is an Executive Leadership and Business Women's Coach. She invites women to use their genius in business in today's wild economy. http://www.UlimateBusinessCamp.com
Re: Empowering Questions [Re: hollyelise] #335439
08/23/07 06:13 AM
08/23/07 06:13 AM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,004
India
Modern Woman Offline
Wolf
Modern Woman  Offline
Wolf
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 5,004
India
Originally Posted By: hollyelise
Well, i find it difficult if not impossible to assess the situation.

For instance, these commitments...is it for them or is it for me? Well, yes to both. Isn't it always, really, when it comes down to it? Even if we are people pleasing it is because we are attempting to fill a need we have. But in my present case we're not talking about situations where i'm giving in solely out of peer pressure. There were opportunities and i was trying to get ahead, but things are developing on different fronts simultaneously and making it complex. Like the first job, a commission, i took when i didn't have the other obligations. That's the most simple. But it is an agreement, a verbal contract, and i wish to honor my contracts. Several of the rest are more complicated...one of the others became urgent as i learned more, situations changed, new things came on the horizon, they are with people i care about and they want something very much from me, etc.

And what you mentioned about positive and negative is very true... only it's not like i have a single, constant view. In any given day i have times when i'm feeling optimistic and pessimistic. I don't have the kind of steadiness i'd like. So when i'm optimistic i take advantage of the energy and do my best work, but when i am pessimistic i get very stressed or overwhelmed. Unfortunately i talk at both times from the points of view of these "realities," so this confuses everyone else!

I think i just have to ride this one, Tami. I try to be less pessimistic or stressed or scared when i'm feeling it, and use the good moods as much as i can when i'm feeling better, and try to make progress as things are. But as for trying to make an objective assessment when sometimes i'm hopeful and sometimes so discouraged... i don't think it's possible, for me, right now. I think i need to just go with the plan, stick to it for a month or more, then assess based on results rather than following my heart which changes each hour. I'm all for heart... but i have to admit that if i go with my heart in the morning it will have one answer, and in the evening it will have another and that's a recipe for floundering because it will leave me with too many directions. There is no one beacon of light at the moment for me marking a clear way, it's more like a few disco strobes, hahaha.

I have decided i'll put my trust in the current plan and see what shakes out. No doubt i will worry and complain LOTS and get overwhelmed and freak out and say i can't, i can't, i can't! ...but i don't know... do i say this because i really am pushing myself too hard and i'm going to crash and get hurt? maybe even have some very bad consequences? ...or am i saying this when i'm challenged to break through limiting beliefs and grow?

see. i don't know.


You are breaking through the limiting beliefs and grow.

Re: Empowering Questions [Re: Modern Woman] #335697
08/24/07 02:07 AM
08/24/07 02:07 AM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,209
H
hollyelise Offline OP
Koala
hollyelise  Offline OP
Koala
H
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,209
laugh Thank you, cd.

Re: Empowering Questions [Re: babyquacker] #335704
08/24/07 02:50 AM
08/24/07 02:50 AM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 335
BC, Canada
Tami S Offline
Shark
Tami S  Offline
Shark
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 335
BC, Canada
Trish, I really enjoyed reading your post to Holly. I'm sure others will enjoy it too.

I hope Holly can feel our support as we believe in the absolute best for her! (See, you really are special Holly. CD summed it up well.)


Tami is an Executive Leadership and Business Women's Coach. She invites women to use their genius in business in today's wild economy. http://www.UlimateBusinessCamp.com
Re: Empowering Questions [Re: Tami S] #340398
09/12/07 11:07 AM
09/12/07 11:07 AM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 374
P
pratibha77 Offline
Shark
pratibha77  Offline
Shark
P
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 374
How do I get the man of my dreams?
I keep thinking of ideas and implementing them.

Re: Empowering Questions [Re: pratibha77] #340406
09/12/07 12:37 PM
09/12/07 12:37 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 484
M
Manjari Offline
Gecko
Manjari  Offline
Gecko
M
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 484
How do I achieve my dream of becoming a millionaire?

Re: Empowering Questions [Re: Manjari] #340408
09/12/07 12:53 PM
09/12/07 12:53 PM
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 66,288
Massachusetts
"Rosie" Offline
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
"Rosie"  Offline
Highest Posting Power Known to Humanity
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 66,288
Massachusetts
Manj, marry one ;o)


Rosie L
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