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Gecko
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Gecko
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What's the comeback for "You would make SUCH an incredible mother...I know you. You're intelligent, you know how to discipline, good background...I know you'd be great at it."

Also (which I sometimes say) "I like kids but I also like to give them back at the end of the day!"


I leave the child-rearing to people who feel called to it. I've never felt that call.
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Gecko
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I had one of the women at work tell me the same thing after my border collie had cruciate surgery. Skylar was in the office with me for about 8 weeks doing the rehab thing. I'd carry her up and down the stairs, put ice packs and heat packs on her leg, and do her physio. My staffer would watch me do all this and say "you'd make a great mother".

My reply was "One important difference. I LIKE my dog".


Childfree? Join us at www.thechildfreelife.com.
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Gecko
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Originally Posted By: Angela P
What's the comeback for "You would make SUCH an incredible mother...I know you. You're intelligent, you know how to discipline, good background...I know you'd be great at it."
Help me out here, I got a live one after me and just won't quit.


Believe it or not, I got this one last week. From a 45-year-old single career woman I have contracted to do PR for me which is kind of weird! She said "ooooh, but you'd make such a good mother". I (bouyed up from recently finding this forum) said "So would you" (the tone was important, which I can't impart here - it was kind of yeah, yeah, but so would you). Then she said "But you're so caring and loving with people". So I came straight back with "that's because I don't have children!" Accompanied by a cheeky smile. Then I changed the subject.

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Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
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Originally Posted By: Athena_Marina
What's the comeback for "You would make SUCH an incredible mother...I know you. You're intelligent, you know how to discipline, good background...I know you'd be great at it."


I would be good at it if I wanted to do it. I'm good at things that interest me and that I feel passionate about. OR

But I'm good at so many other things. Do you expect me to give them up? OR

There are a million other things I would rather do with my partner. Thanks for thinking of me, though.


Save your own life - don't have kids!
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Amoeba
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Happy, I LOVE the "thanks for thinking of me" comment at the end! That is a great way to end prying minds who insist on asking such personal questions.

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Parakeet
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Parakeet
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This thread might be a candidate for being stickied on the front page, perhaps.


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Koala
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One of my bosses isn't married and doesn't have children. I thought maybe she was CF because she was saying once that she could never handle having a kid. Then a few weeks ago she asked me when I'm having kids. I said I didn't want them. She told me I'm young and I still have plenty of time to change my mind! Then she told me that she's too old now and doesn't have the energy for kids. I think she's in her early 40's and is in great shape. If she wasn't my boss I'm sure I would have come back with some kind of retort along the lines of "but you seem perfectly fit to me. I'm sure you could handle it. Maybe you should think about it."

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Chipmunk
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Chipmunk
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It's almost like the conversation can't end with someone saying they don't want kids. It's an unsatisfactory ending, so they have to say something counter it. It's like when someone says they feel fat, often times people feel compelled to tell the person they look fine. But I don't know why not wanting kids falls into the same category.

It's like an automatic response, like when someone sneezes. But over time, hopefully people will be reconditioned and actually think before they speak. And, better yet, think about whether parenting is all it is hyped to be.


Save your own life - don't have kids!
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Chipmunk
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You know, the more I think about it, I do deal with this stuff at work. A little while ago, one of my coworkers who is in her late 40s was telling me about how she has had a hysterectomy, and that she never wanted children anyway. Which I thought was cool, right.

So then a few weeks later we were talking and I made a comment about strollers. And she laughed and said "I guess you aren't having kids." And I agreed. But then she started laughing hysterically, and said, I hope you don't mind that I'm laughing. I can't explain it, but it was clear that she wasn't entirely laughing with me. I can't put my finger on it. Why is it okay for other people not to have them, and for us it isn't? True, she's single, but she also made it clear she never wanted kids.

And my other cousin, that is CF, and has been married for ten years and I were talking about having kids. She said she and hubby didn't want them, etc., but said would love it if they had one, or something like that. And I said we are making sure that doesn't happen. And she looked really mad or judgemental. I felt like saying, you're right, I should just leave it up to fate, and let myself get pregnant with a baby I don't want. It was like somehow her and her husband not getting fixed made her better than me in the land of childfree. Whatever!!!

Last edited by happytobechildfree; 08/29/07 04:12 PM.

Save your own life - don't have kids!
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Parakeet
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Happy, what your cousin said is very confusing. She and her husband don't want kids, but they are leaving it up to fate to determine whether they get pregnant? Sounds like they kind of do want kids! Sounds like she's more "pre-parent" than true CF, actually!

Not long ago an openly gay male coworker who can't stand kids asked me "So you're married now, when are you having kids?" I told him "As soon as you do!" He seemed surprised that I wasn't itching to get pregnant right away, or ever.

Cindy

Originally Posted By: happytobechildfree
You know, the more I think about it, I do deal with this stuff at work. A little while ago, one of my coworkers who is in her late 40s was telling me about how she has had a hysterectomy, and that she never wanted children anyway. Which I thought was cool, right.

So then a few weeks later we were talking and I made a comment about strollers. And she laughed and said "I guess you aren't having kids." And I agreed. But then she started laughing hysterically, and said, I hope you don't mind that I'm laughing. I can't explain it, but it was clear that she wasn't entirely laughing with me. I can't put my finger on it. Why is it okay for other people not to have them, and for us it isn't? True, she's single, but she also made it clear she never wanted kids.

And my other cousin, that is CF, and has been married for ten years and I were talking about having kids. She said she and hubby didn't want them, etc., but said would love it if they had one, or something like that. And I said we are making sure that doesn't happen. And she looked really mad or judgemental. I felt like saying, you're right, I should just leave it up to fate, and let myself get pregnant with a baby I don't want. It was like somehow her and her husband not getting fixed made her better than me in the land of childfree. Whatever!!!

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