logo

Privacy
This forum uses cookies to ensure smooth navigation from page to page of a thread. If you choose to register and provide your email, that email is solely used to get your password to you and updates on any topics you choose to watch. Nothing else. Ask with any questions!
Channel List
Beauty & Self
Books & Music
Career
Computers
Education
Family
Food & Wine
Health & Fitness
Hobbies & Crafts
Home & Garden
Money
News & Politics
Relationships
Religion & Spirituality
Sports
Travel & Culture
TV & Movies
Safety
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!
Newest Members
LoreenBarton, amyispretty, Akeem Koss, healthiswealth, LamRoy
58383 Registered Users
Forum Statistics
Forums417
Topics119,521
Posts848,286
Members58,383
Most Online449
Mar 28th, 2018
Top Posters(30 Days)
Angie 52
Advertising
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 2 1 2
Re: Kids' Parties [Re: lngilbert] #334698
08/18/07 09:33 PM
08/18/07 09:33 PM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 275
new mexico
Chaco Offline
Shark
Chaco  Offline
Shark
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 275
new mexico
lngilbert, I have a friend like your friend with the party. Before kids, everything had to be at her house...and after kids she now had an excuse! This issue seems to go hand in hand with friends not willing to drive-i guess the reason that everything must be at their house!

Duane, I was trying not to be long-winded in my earlier rant, but perhaps I should have explained the situation better.

The two "Friends" and I worked together, yes. But one of the two and I had significant conversation to the point of where I was told that I was like a sister to her. The second "friend" began to hang out with us and from the beginning was flaky. She does not just flake on my plans. She flakes on HER OWN plans.

In the past six months she invited me to hike..and cancelled the day of. Invited me to get drinks for MY OWN birthday...and cancelled....this is in addition to the invitations of mine that she flaked on or did not respond to. So while typically, if I invite you out three times and you dont come three times then I would say, "okay, this person is not interested in a friendship.", since I kept getting invites I assumed it was NOT a lack of desire or interest in being my friend.

Friendship is like dating and I am getting mixed signals.

My invitations don't often involve others from work. In fact, these two were the only two I socialized with. The "girls" night I mentioned was JUST THE THREE OF US! I began to spend time with another girl at work and this is when I was told by friend 1 to not expect her to attend a barbecue if I invited anyone else (ie. this new person I was socializing with) from work.

I would love to walk away from the two of them, shake off my disappointment in either their rudeness or lack of desire to be my friend. But as we all work in the same office, I am not comfortable inviting a few others from work and not at least extending the invitation to them.

Duane, you may be right and these two just don't want to be my friend. But from the actions I have experienced and how they treat eachother AND their other friends, they are happy to be my friend, as long as it does not inconvenience them.

If I am their good friend, as they tell me I am, then I feel they can make an appearance despite a bad mood. Otherwise, don't tell me I am your good friend.

In comparison to their lame excuses, flaking due to kids seems reasonable!!


Living Without Children - Automated Note
For New Visitors: This forum exists as a support community for people who are living a child-free existence. This area is here to help nurture, inspire and educate those who, for whatever reason, are living their lives without children in the home.

Posts made here must be supportive of this lifestyle choice. Comments should not question a person's decision to or reasons for being child free. Those negative comments are called "bingoing" or "trolling" and are not allowed. Please be sure you are aware of this forum's intentions and rules before posting!

Re: Kids' Parties [Re: Chaco] #334747
08/19/07 12:40 PM
08/19/07 12:40 PM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,002
L
lngilbert Offline OP
Koala
lngilbert  Offline OP
Koala
L
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,002
Chaco, that just sucks. Why are some people jerks?


You can't take the sky from me ...
Re: Kids' Parties [Re: M.B.] #334770
08/19/07 04:51 PM
08/19/07 04:51 PM
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 476
Athena_Marina Offline
Gecko
Athena_Marina  Offline
Gecko
Joined: May 2007
Posts: 476
I work as a teacher but I am quite wary of getting involved socially (outside of work) with anyone who has kids there. (Also because I know of people who've used other people there they've become friendly with for free babysitting!)
My best friends in my home country are a group of gay childfree guys. Over here I go to an interest group where if people have kids they leave them at home. Hubby and I were friends with a couple but after they had the baby things changed. The husband only called MY husband when he wanted something, they eventually stopped calling to do things socially. So of course hubby got [censored] off!
I went to a party for an older child at school, she was about 10 and to a 3 year old's party of another staff member once but this lady has thrown several parties for adults. That's it though. There have been kiddie parties happen with those who work closest to me but fortunately I have not been invited. I'm SO glad cos I went to one other kiddie party and found it SO damn BORING! It was at some indoor adventure playground so it seemed like the kids were having all the fun, I didn't know anyone but the parents (I was their son's teacher) the food was too sweet and the adults were watching the children.
So I'm glad I don't get invited and I know somehow they've got the message NOT to invite ME!


I leave the child-rearing to people who feel called to it. I've never felt that call.
Re: Kids' Parties [Re: Chaco] #334863
08/20/07 02:43 PM
08/20/07 02:43 PM
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 923
NotInterested Offline
Parakeet
NotInterested  Offline
Parakeet
Joined: Jul 2007
Posts: 923
Duane, I was trying not to be long-winded in my earlier rant, but perhaps I should have explained the situation better.

Not a problem at all -- I see your POV, now that I see the situation. Seeing those details, I really didn't, but too late smile

Friendship is a two-way street -- give and take, preferably in equal amounts. Sometimes, you do what you have to do to keep the peace, even if it makes you shake your head in disbelief.







Re: Kids' Parties [Re: NotInterested] #334871
08/20/07 03:31 PM
08/20/07 03:31 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
happytobechildfree Offline
Chipmunk
happytobechildfree  Offline
Chipmunk
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
Ingilbert: I can totally relate to your situation. A friend of mine came to mind when you were telling your story. It's like the Stepford Wive Syndrome - these women live for their husbands and their children. But then expect everyone to still be there when they need them, as their "token" friends at their parties.

I've had so many friends do this. I can think of one that fell off the face of the earth when she started dating her husband. I literally hadn't heard from her in over a year, and got an invitation to her wedding. She needed to invite friends, and wasn't friendly with any of us anymore. But she needed to fill her "friends" table rather than admit to herself and her family while planning the wedding that she really didn't have any friends anymore. Whatever.

Another friend dropped off the face of the earth after she got married, and she wasn't working. And she would always say how bad she was at keeping in touch. And I couldn't understand why, because what was she *doing*? I know that she wasn't just blowing me off, because I would hear from her on rare occasion. She had a better excuse once the kids came along. I was always better at keeping the friendship going, but thought of ending it many times.

But then when she calls me, and if I don't get back to her right away, she gets upset. It's like I'm supposed to drop everything b/c she wants to be "friends" now.

Ironically, she's moving back to Pa now b/c her marriage fell apart. And my fiance and I are moving to Florida - he just accepted an offer down there. So I am kind of leaving her in the dust now, so to speak. I still like her as a person, but I know her limitations as a friend, and we aren't close.


Save your own life - don't have kids!
Re: Kids' Parties [Re: happytobechildfree] #334885
08/20/07 04:22 PM
08/20/07 04:22 PM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 793
Calgary, Canada
P
Pikasam Offline
Gecko
Pikasam  Offline
Gecko
P
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 793
Calgary, Canada
Hey, Happy, you get to move! Right on! Congratulations on the job offer.

Did you resolve the situation with your MIL/nephew? Will your parents OK cope when you go?


Childfree? Join us at www.thechildfreelife.com.
Re: Kids' Parties [Re: Pikasam] #334889
08/20/07 04:46 PM
08/20/07 04:46 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
happytobechildfree Offline
Chipmunk
happytobechildfree  Offline
Chipmunk
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
Hi Pika,

Thanks for remembering. Yeah, my fiance got the offer, and we are thrilled. I am feeling better about being in the same state as his family, LOL. As someone recently pointed out to me - Florida is a big state! We are probably going to have to continually put his family in their place, but it will be okay. We are going to be busy, too. And his parents, my inlaws, are pretty occupied with their grandkids that live five minutes away. Better someone else dealing with them than me!

My nephew has been asking a lot of questions about it. But I keep reassuring him that I will still see him, and that he can visit. I will definitely fly north to visit him as well. It does make me sad, but I know we will still be close, but our relationship will change.

My parents will be okay, but of course they will miss us. I think all in all it would be healthier for me to be away from the family drama of the ongoing custody battle between my sister and parents. It will be an adjustment, but it will be great for us as a couple.

I had to talk to his Mom on the phone the other day, and I was cold b/c I'm still not over her rude e-mail. It will pass, but I don't want her to think she can just walk over me. I didn't get into it with her, but I'm on my guard with her because she's such a gossip.


Save your own life - don't have kids!
Re: Kids' Parties [Re: happytobechildfree] #335019
08/21/07 01:44 AM
08/21/07 01:44 AM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,002
L
lngilbert Offline OP
Koala
lngilbert  Offline OP
Koala
L
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 2,002
I hope everything works out for you, too, H2BCF.


You can't take the sky from me ...
Re: Kids' Parties [Re: happytobechildfree] #335122
08/21/07 08:24 PM
08/21/07 08:24 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 114
Canada
P
piscean_goddess Offline
Jellyfish
piscean_goddess  Offline
Jellyfish
P
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 114
Canada
Hey Congrats!
On to a new adventure smile

Re: Kids' Parties [Re: piscean_goddess] #335125
08/21/07 08:28 PM
08/21/07 08:28 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
happytobechildfree Offline
Chipmunk
happytobechildfree  Offline
Chipmunk
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
Thanks ladies! wink


Save your own life - don't have kids!
Page 2 of 2 1 2

Brand New Posts
Would you purchase fashion jewelry online?
by amyispretty. 06/20/18 04:32 AM
2018: On this day . . .
by Mona - Astronomy. 06/19/18 08:16 PM
Where are you and how is the weather?
by Angie. 06/19/18 06:13 PM
What are you looking forward to today?
by Angie. 06/19/18 06:12 PM
Melatonin
by Nancy Roussy. 06/19/18 05:17 PM
What will you do today?
by Nancy Roussy. 06/19/18 03:45 PM
What's your Typical Daily Menu?
by Nancy Roussy. 06/19/18 03:36 PM
Did you dream last night?
by Nancy Roussy. 06/19/18 03:33 PM
Art on the Moon – Fallen Astronaut *new article*
by Mona - Astronomy. 06/19/18 11:49 AM
The Milky Way - Our Galaxy
by Mona - Astronomy. 06/19/18 09:21 AM
Forum Activities
Book Clubs
Trivia Contests
Register to Post!
Want to post? For security reasons you need to Register as a Forum Member. It's quick, easy and free!
Who's Online Now
0 registered members (), 124 guests, and 4 spiders.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Sponsor


| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2018 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.


Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.1.1