BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids I don't understand

Okay, so I've been thinking about this the last few days. I don't understand what is up with my friends all having kids when they can't afford it.

We have one couple that we hang out with the most. They moved to their neighborhood because it is a good place to raise kids and there is a school half a block away. They put a HUGE addition on their house - they've been living in 2 rooms of their house for over a year because the house isn't done yet. They did the addition for the express purpose of staying in that neighborhood and having room for their (future) kids.

Well, the school just closed down, so any future kids will have to be bussed. Also, they used every cent of equity on their home to build the addition, so they have no equity left and they have several additional loans (I think they took out a 2nd mortgage and then got a home loan?)

They will be in debt FOREVER. And all this just to have kids! I don't understand. Kids are SOOO expensive! Their taxes are going up something like $1000 a year because of the addition, too.

I had totally forgotten that my SIL's husband works 15- to 20-hour days a few times a week, or he works all night (he is a manager at a plant and oversees every little problem, so he has to be available pretty much all the time to drop everything and rush in to stop production.) So how on earth is she supposed to go back to work? So she'll pretty much be a single mom. And I know that they depend on both paychecks.

And my sister. She and my BIL have absolutely no money but they just had their second kid.

And our best friends. They don't have any kids, but they have a LOT of school loans and just bought a new house. They'll never be out of debt if they have kids, either.

Don't get me wrong, I don't sit around worrying about everyone, but every once in a while I just think, what are they THINKING?

That's exactly what I worry about on a regular basis. The subject of having kids is not 100% out for my husband and I, but right now it's DEFINITELY not a priority!

All of my friends view finances differently than me. I base mine off of my parent's mistakes. They had me (I was an "oops") right after they got married - my mom was 22. Before that, my mom had racked up every credit card she could get her hands on. Ever since then, my parents still have not been able to pull out of their debt and my mom jokes about how 25 years later she is still paying off that sweater she bought when she was 19!

We have friends who didn't even consider finances, bought the *new* house and the *new* car and have school to pay off and all sorts of other debts and decided it was the perfect time to get pregnant! Blows me away!

As for my husband and I *if* we ever have kids, we will first pay off my school (just graduated) pay down our home and hopefully travel some beforehand. I cannot fathom ever jumping into such a commitment - an expensive one at that - without having done some financial planning first!

It's hard to watch people make bad decisions. This kind of stuff bugs me, too, because I try to be responsible, and not to live outside of my means.

I don't get it either. Why would you want to be in debt of rest of your life? And the folks that just redid their house? They are majorly in debt and they didn't even have the kid yet. This is very stupid - I agree!

I don't get the opposite scenario either. When you work hard, and finally get to the point in your career that you aren't struggling financially, why would you want to put yourself back in debt again, or stress yourself out financially, by having kids?

We have friends in a similar situation. They spent around $30,000 on their wedding, and their marriage is over. They are staying together for their daughter, who is 3. So they will be suffering fo a long time in this arrangement. They were in debt before they even had their daughter, because they bought a house and furnishings they couldn't afford.

It seems to be the norm these days for people to live outside of their means. I couldn't live like that. There are so many unplanned financial faux paus that happen with kids that you can't prepare for.

We know another couple, and they aren't well off. The Mom just took a full-time job as a receptionist at a prison, in addition to her hairdressing gig. And her husband has a full-time job, and does computer work on the side. The husband has been doing add ons to their house, that they obviously can't afford if his wife just had to take on another job. On the one hand, I feel bad for them b/c money is clearly a problem. But then I think, why didn't they plan better? If they couldn't afford having a kid when they did, why didn't they wait?

We have friends who didn't even consider finances, bought the *new* house and the *new* car and have school to pay off and all sorts of other debts and decided it was the perfect time to get pregnant! Blows me away!

Finances drive major decisions, like new cars and houses -- AND kids. I just got my first NEW car, ever, last year. The house I live in is the cheapest in the development, with the bare minimum of additions/enhancements. Every other car I've gotten before was a used one because we couldn't afford a new car. Those are just two examples. We would LOVE to have a nice plasma TV set, but guess what? It's not in the budget, so we live without it.

It almost seems like people don't think about the COSTS of a kid. The attitudes almost seem to say "if we have a kid, things will work out - they have to!" The only thing missing from that statement is (I'm ugging thinking about this, but).. "God will provide!"

"Think before you drink" is a phrase I remember. Maybe we should start a new campaign...

"Think before you f...."

The car I'm driving now is the first one I bought new. It's a great feeling, now that it's paid off and still has a lot of life in it (it's a 2001 Honda Insight, with about 125K on her...being a Honda, I imagine she'll be around a good while).

In terms of TV...we picked up a flat-screen CRT, 32", for $250 on Craigslist, lightly used. Sony, very high quality. Everybody and their dog seem to be eager to boost their credit card debt by buying the new LCD or plasmas for at least 10x - 20x as much.

I don't get it, I never will...and that's OK!!!

That was one of the things I was conveying to my DH in our most recent discussion regarding the kid issue - that I don't think that we can afford a kid at this point in our lives and I don't see it being very comfortable if we did have a kid. We don't have a ton of debt, but we're very early in the 30-year mortgage (we bought our house in 2005 with a fixed low rate - not one of those crazy interest-only or adjustable rate loans), I'm still getting going in my career after 2 very successful years in my current job, and I just bought a new car for the first time in my life (b/c of an awesome financing rate and needing a car to start from scratch with b/c my commute is long each day) - I still have a minor student loan to pay off, and we also have some home improvement stuff to pay off by various points next year. We make a decent income together, but it all adds up, and most utility bills are not going down nowadays - plus, how would we ever afford a vacation or further home improvements we're planning for a few years down the road if we had a kid to provide for? Groceries for the two of us really add up, and we don't even eat that much!

I just don't understand people's reasoning when it comes to finances and just jumping into being parents without looking first!

To your original post, I think you are giving them way too much credit. That's just it, they aren't thinking. They are doing what they see other people do, not taking into account that maybe they can't afford, or be equipped to do what others are doing.

We have friends in a similar situation. They spent around $30,000 on their wedding, and their marriage is over.

Damn $30,000 on a wedding?

My wedding expenses:
Fedex'ed Birth Certficiate for my wife: $60
Marriage License: $35
Marriage Ceremony: $60
Extra copies of wedding certificates: $15
Developing for pictures: $5 [interesting story]
Replacement wedding band for me: $50 [another interesting story]

Total expense: $225

Getting married from start (license purchase) to finish (final marriage certificate) within 2 hours and w/o witnesses: Priceless

(yes, Virginia requires no witnesses and no waiting period -- almost Vegas-like )

Mine was pretty cheap trip (eloped).

Plus, recycled gold rings were only $40 from a friend's jewelry shop.

I've been called low-maintenance, though I'm never sure if that's a compliment or not. One thing I do know is if I demanded to have kids with my husband (who leans toward not wanting them though sometimes wavers), that would feel high maintenance.