IMHO divorce is not the immediate answer, but I also know that every marriage can not be saved. I have been married for more than 12 years and have recognized the pattern with the pics and the way every action related to this material is defended (or, much more often, abruptly denied).
I am not asking for a divorce, nor do I want one - but I am going to live near my family so that I can have some support. I hope he will follow me. I am not giving up on him... I just can't do this alone. He doesn't have it all over the house or anything - in fact he's very secret about it. I don't even approach him about this one subject anymore, but it's very frustrating. We have gotten over other addictions and even cigarettes have no hold on either of us - for years now. This is the only thing left, and it's the only thing he's never admitted to. I don't care how "bad" it is on some "scale" of heroin to ice cream. He's hiding it from me, and for him I think that is the bigger part of the addiction. I have told him he doesn't have to hide it, and I've been sure not to say anything to him, and... well, just every way imaginable to help him feel like he doesn't need to hide it but all I ended up with was the realization that he must feel like it is bad enough to hide, and he likes that idea.
I have put this off forever, it seems and I'm just out of other options at this point. I am moving. My door will always be open for him if he will prove to me that he's in therapy and actively working on this addiction. I will not file for a divorce and if he wants one I will try to talk him out of it. I love him unconditionally, and on the surface our lives are the happiest they've ever been - but I physically can not live with this addiction.
Last edited by ms_cha; 08/07/09 02:01 PM.