logo

Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 2 of 4 1 2 3 4
Re: True Mom Conf.- AKA- Dark Secrets of Motherhood [Re: pinkbows] #319541 06/05/07 12:35 AM
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 91
G
greenblue Offline
Amoeba
Offline
Amoeba
G
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 91
Originally Posted By: pinkbows

Why is motherhood and pregnancy such a cult of secrecy???


I agree with much that has been said here: the cult of secrecy as a PR campaign to get people to have kids and the absurdity of making a irrevocable life decision such as having a child without thoroughly investigating what it entails.

I do, however, have my doubts about the motivation behind the cult of secrecy. Sure, there may be a little "misery loves company" going on there, but I often think the code of silence has much to do with the outsized expectations of parenthood today. When I was a kid during the '70s, my impression was that my parents and my friends' parents had kids simply because it was expected of them. I never felt like any adult around me looked at parenting as the transcendent experience it's made out to be now. Nowadays it seems like people have kids with such impossibly high expectations of the parental experience, even people who are suited to parenthood must be surprised at how hard it is, and perhaps a little disappointed. I sometimes think that parents these days are just embarrassed to admit that parenthood isn't always so great. Perhaps they suspect that other parents are having a better experience and they feel inadequate. Maybe this is something they can only talk about with close friends who are also struggling with parenthood, but not with others. This would certainly explain the endless need to vent on websites like True Mom Confessions.

Living Without Children - Automated Note
For New Visitors: This forum exists as a support community for people who are living a child-free existence. This area is here to help nurture, inspire and educate those who, for whatever reason, are living their lives without children in the home.

Posts made here must be supportive of this lifestyle choice. Comments should not question a person's decision to or reasons for being child free. Those negative comments are called "bingoing" or "trolling" and are not allowed. Please be sure you are aware of this forum's intentions and rules before posting!

Re: True Mom Conf.- AKA- Dark Secrets of Motherhood [Re: bonsai] #319732 06/05/07 02:59 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
happytobechildfree Offline
Chipmunk
Offline
Chipmunk
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
Originally Posted By: bonsai
Motherhood has also been perceived, until recently, as unavoidable...so there's a lot of profound rationalization about it. The very existence of CF people bursts the bubble of people who hold these rationalizations. No wonder they're all so annoyed.

In terms of saying that people have a strong marriage, have money, etc., and therefore can "withstand" parenthood? Feh! Sure, it would help, but if you don't want kids, you don't want kids.

At the risk of being blunt: As the donkey said, "God gave me a tail to keep away the flies...but I'd rather have no tail and no flies".

If you don't want children --- regardless of your resource levels --- that is more than enough reason to make an absolutely, unequivocally, 100% ironclad decision NOT TO HAVE THEM.


I was just piggybacking on what Pinkbows sis said - that it wouldn't be as bad for her b/c she isn't destitute, is in a good relationship, etc. And I was trying to be supportive, b/c I think PinkBows said in earlier posts that she wants kids.

But, yeah, I agree. This argument is used against my guy and I all the time. You guys have good jobs, good incomes, and are educated - you should have kids.

It doesn't matter if I have a nanny, I don't want kids. Period. So I get what you are saying.

So you mean people are really bitter b/c we "figured out" how to not have kids, or that it's an option? God, how I would love to do more to get the word out.


Save your own life - don't have kids!
Re: True Mom Conf.- AKA- Dark Secrets of Motherhood [Re: happytobechildfree] #319742 06/05/07 03:15 PM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 429
N
nosy Offline
Gecko
Offline
Gecko
N
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 429
Wouldn't you love to tell some people ... "you don't make much money, your marriage isn't solid, you don't know much about nutrition, you shouldn't have children".

Re: True Mom Conf.- AKA- Dark Secrets of Motherhood [Re: nosy] #319750 06/05/07 03:29 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
happytobechildfree Offline
Chipmunk
Offline
Chipmunk
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
Originally Posted By: nosy
Wouldn't you love to tell some people ... "you don't make much money, your marriage isn't solid, you don't know much about nutrition, you shouldn't have children".


Yes, I would. I know so many people in wacky situations, that are just dying to have kids. Maybe that's why, they think the kids will solve everything! Clueless.

You perfectly described a couple I know that is going through in vitro right now. Well, their marriage might be solid, but they don't make a lot of money, and are both majorly overweight.

In fact, it crossed my mind that the woman might not be able to get pregnant b/c she is so large, and not in good health. But you can't say that.

So they are spending money they don't have to have a baby they can't afford. I KNOW they can't afford it.


Save your own life - don't have kids!
Re: True Mom Conf.- AKA- Dark Secrets of Motherhood [Re: nosy] #319755 06/05/07 03:34 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,438
F
flyingaway Offline
Chipmunk
Offline
Chipmunk
F
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,438
Yes, that would be very satisfying. I am so disgusted with those confessors on True Mom Confessions who admit that their children have never eaten a vegetable in their life, or that they feed their kids TV dinners or take out every night. I know it's obnoxiously judgemental of me, but I just think it's wrong to raise somebody if you aren't willing to even prepare real food for them. There's also the people that admit to never brushing their kids' teeth�that bothers me.

I had a friend in college who had NEVER SEEN many kinds of fresh vegetables. He had never eaten a raw carrot, or seen a raw green bean in his life. He had some serious issues that he suspected were due to his diet when he was growing up, like his arms were too short for his body...things like that. Once I went to visit home with him, and his mom made us Hamburger Helper for dinner. It was the first time I'd ever tasted THAT! My mom may have made some mistakes raising us, but I have to give her major kudos for all the cooking of fresh food she did for us.

Re: True Mom Conf.- AKA- Dark Secrets of Motherhood [Re: flyingaway] #319772 06/05/07 04:39 PM
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 138
jezthepuff Offline
Jellyfish
Offline
Jellyfish
Joined: Oct 2006
Posts: 138
I agree with all of the posts here. But I do have to say that I believe there is a lot of "misery loves company" in the nagging comments. At least in my world there was. Here's just an example:

I have a SIL with three kids. She is a SAHM, very sheltered, doesn't get out much, and at the risk of sounding mean, she's not very bright. Regardless, she always makes comments about DH and me having kids. Over and over again. We just roll our eyes most of the time because we are very up front about not wanting them (and after 14 years of marriage, I think it's obvious that we know our own minds AND how to use birth control!). Of course, she tells us how God wanted us to multiply and that we are in essence, living in sin.

Yet this woman is miserable with her brood. They have no money, the kids are always fighting, their house is a mess, they can't afford college for the kids, the kids are having problems in school, etc., etc., etc. I'm sorry, but that kind of life would make me completely unhappy. And she can claim that kids are the best thing in the world, but when every single problem that they have revolves around the fact that they have these "blessings," I fail to see why you just can't get to the root of the problem and see that your choice to procreate is what's causing all of these issues.

No. Thank you. I like having my independence, my peace and quiet, my interests/hobbies, and my financial freedom. I know what makes me happy and what doesn't. Having children would make me profoundly unhappy, and I think it makes a lot parents unhappy as well....one look at TMC will tell you that.

Last edited by jezthepuff; 06/05/07 04:40 PM.

Jez
Re: True Mom Conf.- AKA- Dark Secrets of Motherhood [Re: jezthepuff] #319786 06/05/07 05:03 PM
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 862
Cookiecody Offline
Parakeet
Offline
Parakeet
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 862
This is probably how your SIL keeps herself sane...by telling herself "I may be miserable, my kids are miserable, but at least I'm doing God's will!"

But if that were my life...and I'm SO glad that's not my life...I would lose my will to live.

Cindy

Originally Posted By: jezthepuff

I have a SIL with three kids. She is a SAHM, very sheltered, doesn't get out much, and at the risk of sounding mean, she's not very bright. Regardless, she always makes comments about DH and me having kids. Over and over again. We just roll our eyes most of the time because we are very up front about not wanting them (and after 14 years of marriage, I think it's obvious that we know our own minds AND how to use birth control!). Of course, she tells us how God wanted us to multiply and that we are in essence, living in sin.

Yet this woman is miserable with her brood. They have no money, the kids are always fighting, their house is a mess, they can't afford college for the kids, the kids are having problems in school, etc., etc., etc. I'm sorry, but that kind of life would make me completely unhappy. And she can claim that kids are the best thing in the world, but when every single problem that they have revolves around the fact that they have these "blessings," I fail to see why you just can't get to the root of the problem and see that your choice to procreate is what's causing all of these issues.

Re: True Mom Conf.- AKA- Dark Secrets of Motherhood [Re: jezthepuff] #319787 06/05/07 05:04 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,438
F
flyingaway Offline
Chipmunk
Offline
Chipmunk
F
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,438
So true! I feel very happy to NOT need a secret place to vent about how miserable I am due to my own choices. I am not on this forum because I'm unhappy with not having kids...it's more about finding others who are more like myself.

Many of those confessions revolve around mothers not feeling appreciated, or feeling it's endless thankless work, or about how angry and resentful it makes them toward their husbands...and they act like they were fooled and no one told them how bad it was. I'm really starting to wonder if motherhood is not the ultimate rook, and it's taboo because people have too much pride to admit they've fallen into the trap. I can see how knowing about others in the same position would make them feel better.

Re: True Mom Conf.- AKA- Dark Secrets of Motherhood [Re: jezthepuff] #319795 06/05/07 05:31 PM
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 169
F
FiddleDeeDee Offline
Jellyfish
Offline
Jellyfish
F
Joined: Sep 2006
Posts: 169
Oh don't you just love it when someone tells you what God's will is for your life? UGH!!!!***Running away screaming****

I can almost picture God sitting up there, shaking his head and saying, "no, no, no, you guys are taking being fruitful and multiplying way out of context."

Re: True Mom Conf.- AKA- Dark Secrets of Motherhood [Re: FiddleDeeDee] #319798 06/05/07 05:38 PM
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
happytobechildfree Offline
Chipmunk
Offline
Chipmunk
Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 1,344
Fiddle:

Your comment reminds me of a cartoon I saw on "Unscripted"

BellaOnline ALERT: Raw URLs are not allowed in these forums for security reasons. Please use UBB code. If you don't know how to do UBB code just post here for help - we will help out!

Last edited by happytobechildfree; 06/05/07 05:39 PM.

Save your own life - don't have kids!
Page 2 of 4 1 2 3 4

Brand New Posts
Sewing - a Human Endeavor
by Cheryl - Sewing Editor - 08/05/20 10:32 PM
A giant hug to all the people of Beirut
by Monika R Canada - 08/05/20 05:05 PM
The Solar System - for Kids & Others
by Mona - Astronomy - 08/05/20 09:08 AM
2020: On this day . . .
by Mona - Astronomy - 08/05/20 06:33 AM
Mars - Facts for Kids
by Mona - Astronomy - 08/04/20 08:41 AM
Alpha Centauri – 10 Facts about Our Neighbor
by Mona - Astronomy - 08/04/20 08:26 AM
Zoom Crop Time During Coronavirus
by Kathleen - Scrapbooking - 08/03/20 04:14 PM
Calgary Central Library, Facts That May Surprise
by Monika R Canada - 08/03/20 03:03 PM
Look up in 2020!
by Mona - Astronomy - 08/01/20 08:42 PM
Astro Women - Birthdays
by Mona - Astronomy - 08/01/20 09:46 AM
Privacy
This forum uses cookies to ensure smooth navigation from page to page of a thread. If you choose to register and provide your email, that email is solely used to get your password to you and updates on any topics you choose to watch. Nothing else. Ask with any questions!
Channel List
Beauty & Self
Books & Music
Career
Computers
Education
Family
Food & Wine
Health & Fitness
Hobbies & Crafts
Home & Garden
Money
News & Politics
Relationships
Religion & Spirituality
Sports
Travel & Culture
TV & Movies
Safety
We take forum safety very seriously here at BellaOnline. Please be sure to read through our Forum Guidelines. Let us know if you have any questions or comments!
Sponsor


| About BellaOnline | Privacy Policy | Advertising | Become an Editor |
Website copyright © 2020 Minerva WebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.


Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.3