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Re: Need support - I hate being a mom [Re: Jennyt] #330930
07/25/07 04:56 AM
07/25/07 04:56 AM
Joined: Feb 2007
Posts: 227
iwonder Offline
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Oh Jennyt you don't sound so good. Unfortunately your child will know this, and that will not be a good thing. You know, you don't have to read the same story ten times a day, and you don't have to go to the playground every weekend. Brushing the teeth, yes you need to do that. But you can make it fun, let her brush yours while you brush hers. It won't be long and she'll be brushing her own.

Mix up your weekend outings. Put a baby carrier on the bike, put her in a back pack, do something different. They are portable. Get out of the rut.

The glass is half full vs half empty. Honestly maybe it's time to look at yourself, not your child. Maybe you're depressed and need some help. I don't know, but I don't think it's wise for you or your child to continue on this path.

My youngest was at best a difficult child to feel a great connection to. She's a teen now, has left the house for a week at camp. All of us have said, "I miss her." Her siblings and mom and dad. Over time she has really grown on all of us, and we truly love her to pieces and love so much about her. So things can change.

Good luck, and for you and your daughter please do something to benefit both of you in a positive way.

Re: Need support - I hate being a mom [Re: iwonder] #331413
07/26/07 08:54 PM
07/26/07 08:54 PM
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 32
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Jennyt Offline OP
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Jennyt  Offline OP
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Hi iwonder, I too think the problem is on me. My daugther, or all the kids in this world deserve all the love they need. I love kids when they make me laugh, and I enjoy playing with them. I just feel my life has changed too much when I need to raise one. But I hate myself when I think I'm complaining about my life, because I shouldn't have...Sorry, all the moms here, we're all the same, so why do I say all these negative words about being a mom. I just envy you, because you feel the joy, and I haven't yet. I wanted to but I have not found the balance in my life.

Re: Need support - I hate being a mom [Re: Jennyt] #331446
07/26/07 11:32 PM
07/26/07 11:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 335
Canada
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MomsPaula Offline
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Jenny, I think you feel just like everyone else here. What makes the experiences of interacting different for each of us is what emotional response the individual holds on to. What you choose to let pass through you and what you hold and carry around. That can be a subtle thing, or a stuck response, or a habit. I also think it can be a choice. Like the negetive "pain" (we all know one) who is always whining. That is not their destiny. They can change their "Perspective." But, it takes mental retraining and a little work. Worth it!

We are humans with the ability to feel joy, pain, and boredom. Attitude equals altitude. Great women who rise from adversity, suck it up and make it work for them. A child who has a mom who can do that, it getting a great gift from her.

Last edited by MomsPaula; 07/27/07 11:41 AM.
Re: Need support - I hate being a mom [Re: Jennyt] #332905
08/05/07 03:31 AM
08/05/07 03:31 AM
Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 312
Mississippi USA
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cela Offline
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It's hard for me to accept, but there must just be differences in people that result in some who enjoy children and some who do not. It's a shame some of us do not know this before we become parents. For me, watching children mature is interesting. To me, child development is pretty complex and not boring. Knowing there are people who regret being parents is so sad because it is too late for them to change their course. There is suffering for the parents and the children.

I was raised by someone who felt overwhelmed by parenting. She yelled constantly. I don't think she had a clue how important she was to us. We thought she hated us. It's a very burdensome way to grow up.

To LokiRav13, maybe you are just overloaded. I spent a few years working full-time, parenting, and being a wife. I worked in an executive position and tried to keep the homefront operating as well as the office did. For me, it became clear that the business I ran was just another "family," but it did not love me like my real family did. I finally decided to give up the job and focus on the family. I know not everyone can do this, but it is sometimes more feasible than people think. There are some built-in expenses that go with working. You might be able to switch to some part-time position and free up some time just for you. It really can be rough when your schedule is packed non-stop.

I hope somehow this "advice" helps, but I understand if you think I'm too different in my outlook for you to find this helpful.


cela
Re: Need support - I hate being a mom [Re: Jennyt] #333070
08/05/07 08:32 PM
08/05/07 08:32 PM
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Posts: 335
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MomsPaula Offline
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Posted on the wrong thread, oops!

Last edited by MomsPaula; 08/06/07 02:16 AM.
Re: Need support - I hate being a mom [Re: Jennyt] #334127
08/14/07 08:59 PM
08/14/07 08:59 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 222
USA
RNS Offline
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Jenny, I don't know if you are still hanging around and reading on this site, but I have one question. Before you got pregnant, did you want children?

I think that if both you and your husband are both unhappy, you really may need to find her another family that could care for her. Honestly, you do seem to care because you are trying to find what is best for her and if you know you can not be that person, then you are doing right by trying to find someone else. Good luck, and keep us posted.

Re: Need support - I hate being a mom [Re: RNS] #334144
08/14/07 10:42 PM
08/14/07 10:42 PM
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Posts: 335
Canada
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MomsPaula Offline
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I'm sorry, but the enormous sense of abandonment that most adopted children feel/live with, needs to be considered if you are thinking about the best interest of the child.

Re: Need support - I hate being a mom [Re: MomsPaula] #334227
08/15/07 08:32 PM
08/15/07 08:32 PM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 222
USA
RNS Offline
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But is it better for the child to have that sense of abandonment, yet be raised by loving parents rather than be raised by parents who don't want the child there?

Re: Need support - I hate being a mom [Re: RNS] #334261
08/16/07 01:38 AM
08/16/07 01:38 AM
Joined: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,726
Maryland
babyquacker Offline
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MomsPaula, my best friend is adopted and has NEVER said that she has ever felt that she was ever abandoned by her natural mother because she was adopted. She was always very proud to be adopted and has known since early childhood that she was adopted. She feels that she was "hand picked" by her parents . She feels blessed! smile

I really don't think adopted children feel/live with an enormous sense of abandonment. I think it is MUCH worse to grow up in a home where you are not sure that you are really wanted or loved. Listening to a parent scream all the time or use verbal abuse against you or simply ignoring you leaves many more scares than growing up in a loving home with adopted parents. Telling a child that they wish they were never born, they were a "mistake", and how much of life they had to give up because they brought the child into the world, are ALL much worse for a child's development than growing up in an loving adoptive home where they NEVER have to experience any of that other negativity(garbage) they would experience in a home with "birth right" parents. frown

Adoptive parents have so much to give: love, time, energy, experience, education, and a environment to thrive. They have generous, caring and loving hearts that would AND COULD be so much better for a child than growing up with a parent who is just not sure IF, after a few years, they are not really sure they want or even LIKE the child.

Jenny, if you and your husband can't mix up the "fun stuff" of raising a child, like iwonder suggested, or change your priorites like Cela had recommended, or change your attitudes like MomsPaula has suggested, or have even thought of the way you care for your daughter and thought about whether or not it was something you planned and are happy with, like RNS had asked you, THEN I would have to agree with RNS. I think that you would be doing the right thing by finding someone who would truly LOVE your daughter the way she deserves to be loved. I think ALL OF YOU, your daughter, you and your husband would ALL be much happier and much healthier! wink

I add my best wishes and good luck to you and your husband. I add my hope, with the others, that you can come to some kind of decision before your daughter gets much older and understands how you feel about having her. If you really choose to keep, love and care for her, then you need to listen to what MomsPaula said: "We are humans with the ability to feel joy, pain, and boredom. Attitude equals altitude. Great women who rise from adversity, suck it up and make it work for them. A child who has a mom who can do that, is getting a great gift from her. " smile

As I iwonder said, "Good luck, and for you and your daughter please do something to benefit both of you in a positive way."

Please keep us posted. wink We are here to help you find ALL THE POSITIVE things to do to be THE BEST MOTHER THAT YOU CAN BE, laugh if YOU choose to do that!

God bless you, Jenny.

Trish

Re: Need support - I hate being a mom [Re: babyquacker] #334303
08/16/07 12:08 PM
08/16/07 12:08 PM
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Canada
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MomsPaula Offline
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I'm sorry Baby Quacker, I really don't want to dwell on this but I know 3 women who were adopted and they all had a hard time with it. I think it must be an individual thing, that we can't determine.

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