Well, I suggested WE see a therapist to help us communicate better w/ one another and with his DD, the 24 y.o. who's 3-4 mo. stay w/ us is now at 6 months. As you all know, I've been very uncomfortable w/ it - less w/ the initial issues of her not being considerate of my house, time, etc, and more w/ just not knowing when this little roommate, if ever, was planning on leaving.
I just asked him, "Did you get a chance to feel your daughter out about her time table?" He said, "No, and I'm waiting til Tuesday. I saw a therapist last week to help w/ all of this and we only got through the family history before running out of time. We'll meet again this week and she said to wait til after we meet to talk to her."

I was quite shocked. I mean, I was happy on the one hand, but a little peeved on the other. My intention was for BOTH of us to get help and hear out an impartial third party, not a one-sided deal. I feel a little betrayed, to be quite honest, but glad that DH is not opposed to a psychologist guiding us through all of this.

My fear is that he paints a wonderful little cozy picture and the Dr. can't understand what my problem is w/ continuing on in Fantasyland forever. I would like to give my point of view and, as I told him, there isn't anything specific, but I feel like after 6 months of footing EVERY bill for her, she should have enough saved up to move out on her own. He mentioned not knowing what she has saved up and I said that I think he needs to find out. Is that wrong? I mean, since we are paying for everything, I don't think it's unreasonable. If she was out on her own, then I'd imagine that her finances were her business. Until she can pay for her luxuries and get a taste of what food, toiletries, utilities, and gas cost, I think it's not out of line for him to inquire what she's trying to save and how close she is to it!

The conversation just ended w/ him saying, "I'm tired and I want to go to bed. She's just trying to save some money, for crying out loud. Why is that so wrong?" He didn't let me respond and I don't want to fight tonight as I have work to do. But, wouldn't you think that 6 months is about the time needed to save up enough for a place? Am I unrealistic? Remember, DH initially asked me for 3-4 months and one of my friends commented that I ought to prepare for more like 6. As you all know by now, the timeline was never discussed w/ his SD, we had the huge fight 5-6 weeks ago when I asked if she wanted my rental house, etc. Afterwards, she said that she hadn't expressed herself well and wanted to talk more in a few days...that has yet to happen.

Is there any other advice here? Do you think DH seeing the therapist alone is wise? Do you think I need to hear if I'm wrong here from someone other than DH? Do you think it's important for the therapist to hear my point of view or not? Now that school is about out, I don't have the original issue of her being disruptive to the kids at bedtime til school resumes in Aug. But, I really don't want to go into the new school year and have her move out weeks or a couple of months into it as the child psych. suggested we be VERY settled to see if our oldest son's focus issues correct themselves.

Dana




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Last edited by vistajpdf; 05/20/07 11:13 PM.