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Joined: Mar 2007
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Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 110

"He's perfect!"

I've heard women say that about a man a few times � shoot, I've even said that once � but I'm wondering if believing someone's "perfect" � in other words, the Too Good To Be True Guy � in the early stages of dating is a good thing.

I met Dennis about two years ago online. Because of crazy schedules, commitments and kid arrangements, it took us about two weeks to actually getting around to meet each other. But after all the e-mailing and phone calls we'd made, I really felt I knew him.

After about three amazing weeks of dating � you know, the kind where lust and love get so mixed up you don't really know which is which, nor do you care � he said, "Kat, I don't want to just be your lover. I want to be your boyfriend."

Wow! Who's gonna turn that down?

"OK!"

Off went the online dating profiles, all other men I'd been flirting with got the boot and my flirty Kat on the prowl mojo was neatly folded and put away. "What's he like?" my friends asked. "He's perfect," I said, dreamily. "He's just too good to be true!" And he was.

About a month later, I introduced him to a few of them .

"You two are so perfect together!" one exclaimed as we all sat in a cushy booth of the trendy bar.

I cringed inside a bit, not because I didn't think we were � we were! � but even though I confided that to my girlfriends, it felt too premature to be announcing something like that out loud and in front of him. I wasn't the only one who felt that way, either, because when I looked over at Dennis' face, it sure looked like he was cringing, too.

I don't think I need to tell you how it ended up a few months later.

So when a girlfriend gushed recently about a new beau who was "too good to be true!" it made me nervous.

It's natural that in the beginning, all you focus on are the best parts of the person you've flipped for. Even the red flags don't seem really red � just a very dark pink, right? And, really, who wants to pop the intoxicating bubble of lustful excitement � especially when you know it doesn't last forever?

But, still, I wonder � is it a good thing if someone is "too good to be true"?
And is it unfair to see someone as perfect, and not just a good person with flaws like everybody else?

Is it better to follow Patti Scialfa's words in the beautiful song "Spanish Dancer":
Oh mama when you were a young girl
Did you ever love a man so much
As if he were some fantastic jewel
That you should never be worthy of
But all those illusions strip and fall
And he is just a man after all


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Joined: Mar 2006
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Zebra
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Zebra
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 3,313
That's the problem with putting folks on a pedestal.
Sooner or later, they fall off.

If someone is too good to be true, generally, they are.

Don't enter into a relationship nursing any illusions. They lead to disappointment.
Just accept that the person is just as wonderful, just as flawed, just as human, just as vulnerable and just as unique -
- as you are.

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Jellyfish
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Jellyfish
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Joined: Mar 2007
Posts: 110
That's because you've got a Buddhist sensibility ;-)

Yes, Alexandra, that's the lesson I learned ... eventually.

I'm still trying to help my friends with that, though. But I'm here with a shoulder to cry on until then!

Joined: May 2007
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Newbie
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 5
Wow ... sigh ..... unfortunately, if it seems too good to be true, it usually IS. Murphy's Law, just the way it is I guess. If something, even intially, seems to have NO flaws .... I would be very wary.......


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