BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Body Image The ultimate put-downs ....

... are usually what women say about themselves in front of their lovers.
"I'm too fat."
"Does this make me fat?"
"I've got to lose those five pounds."

Why do we do that?
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I dont know why women do that but it is so predictable and BORING... Maybee insecurity or looking for reasurance perhaps, the woman wants the man to follow "the script" and say "of course you dont look fat in that" or whatever she NEEDS to hear.

Hi Hope816,
Yes, I'd say that's probably part of it, an insecurity about ourselves and our constant comparisons with others. It's not one of our finer traits ...

I love that comment in a coffee advert...
1st Friend, (trying on a dress in a department store):

"Does this dress make me look fat?"

2nd friend, (half reading a magazine):
"No. Your FAT makes you look fat."

Ever since I heard this, I don't ask my partner this question any more. If my jeans fit, I'm ok. If my jeans don't fit, I cut out the carbs for a week.

But stop chewing yourself up about it - !!

I wonder if it makes a difference after one has been married awhile?

When we were dating and newly married, I would ask if something looked good on me to him because I couldn't see myself as looking desirable, ever. I wanted to know if it appealed to him. If it did then I'd settle for his being happy.

Now, I want to be happy with what I see. I do feel I need to loose a couple of pounds and I literally mean that, it's more a need to tone and be fit than loose. I have made comments to my husband and I don't want or expect any flattery from him, I want motivation and tips in getting where I want to be.

You gals bring up a a good point, I think � very often we DO know when we're not looking our best (judged by the pants or dress we love being a bit snug, etc.)

It's up to us to get going on a way to change that, either by exercising, eating smaller portions or both. And, if you say it, say it once. If you're still saying weeks down the road, you ain't doing it!!!!

Honestly, tho, most men are not as critical of women as we are of each other and ourselves. A naked woman who wants him is still a naked woman who wants him!!!

How true.Some women are so catty toowards each other and really sometimes I think we can be our own worst enimies in this regard.

True. Women are catty towards each other.

Maybe it comes down to Resepect - for ourselves and for others...If we don't have sufficient or 'healthy' self-respect, this, in my experience, makes us respect others less. Sometimes this comes across as arrogance, or as discussed here, cattiness....We have an over-inflated sense of self worth, because in actual fact, our self-respect is a load of hot air....
we give the impression of utter confidence, but in fact, it hides insecurity.

if only we could understand how wonderful we all already are....

By all means, respect your body. Feed it healthily, and care for it. It's your ownly vehicle from birth to the end, so it deserves maintenance. But at the same time, nurture your mind. Your attitudes, your opinions, your views.... all are changeable, variable, flowing....The person you were last week is not the person you are now. You know more, you've seen more and you've had a weeks' worth more experience. Adapt. Travel, and meander, but enjoy the ride of your Life; it's not an ordeal, it should be a pleasure....

If we had a friend that kept saying "you're getting a bit porky there, that blouse looks a mess! Jeez, look at the size of your hips, gal you sure are ugly! You don't really think you should wear those pants, do you?" we would soon lose interest in being with her, she'd make us feel so down, most of the time.....some friend! But that's what we do to ourselves, all the time, isn't it?! So why aren't we our own best friends?

At times, the worst liars and critics, are our own fears.

Listen to them, but only to identify them as the crass, deluding dishonest references we constantly subject ourselves to.
Then reject them, and move on. Stop listening to them. Pretty soon, their voices will be a mere squeak....

I don't know why we aren't our own best friends...it's ironic that we're with ourselves every second of the day, yet we can be our own worst critics -- or even enemies! I wonder if it would make a difference if our moms were super-loving and ultra-supportive? Maybe if we were taught self-acceptance and self-love from the crib we'd be easier on ourselves.

The trouble with being hard on ourselves is that it can spill over into being hard on the people we love. I know I'm harsher on my husband because I'm hard on myself.