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To continue, My husband got very angry and told me to "relax", as he was slurring his speech and drinking another glass of wine, not thinking that possibly it would NOT be a good idea to let someone that we have never met and clearly do not know sleep in a room next to our young children when we know NOTHING about them? I am not being overly protective here, am I? I am the one parent in this relationship currently that has sound judgement in protecting our children, and I am not going to appear on Headline News as being an overly trusting person that let people she doesn't know stay in their house and suddenly one of them harms or runs away with our children. Did I make a good call in this regard? Please reply.

You made the right decision. Actually you probably should have said no when he asked if they could stay the first time but I'm sure you gave him the benefit of the doubt and "trusted" he would never put his kids in harm's way. Ironically, you called him "functional". I know it is a word we use to mean the addict has a human side but honestly, no addict is functional at any real level. I would hope that you would continue to go to Al-Anon for you and for your kids and pray that he will one day get the fact that he has a problem. I also pray he doesn't hit a bottom that is too bad before he gets help. You must take care of yourself and your kids and congrats for being wise enough to get to Al-Anon. If you need any other help in any way, you can always email me at my bellaonline site. God bless.

Kathy L.
12 Step Recovery Rditor

Thank you, Kathy, for your reply. I have now also found out the he is taking Xanax along with his drinking. Though I don't know how much he is taking, I can expect the worse. I need to keep going to meetings for myself and mu kids, you are right, and try to make some difficult and terrifying decisions as time goes on. I need to take care of me and my children, because I cannot control or change him. He still doesn't believe he has a problem,and has even gone so far to tell me that I need help at the few times during the past several years that I have told him I am concerned for his health. You know the story. Please pray for me, and I will do the best I can do. Thank you for listening.

It is pretty "normal" for an alcoholic to take something like Xanax and drink. After all, we are soooo depressed we need something to help us. The fact that the meds say "do not drink" is a plus! Sad but true. It also does not surprise me that he thinks YOU need help. That is a convenient way to make everything your problem for obvious reasons. I don't know how old your kids are but how long are you willing to live as you are? Of course Al-Anon is extremely important but I hope that you can begin making serious decisions. I continue to pray for all of you. God bless.

Dear Jackie,
I think your concerns are valid , plus just the fact that YOU dont know these people and if your husband has only seen them twice in 20 years, than he doesnt really know them much either. Why cant they afford a hotel room? Bringing them into your private (safe) living space is a hugh issue and right of yours that your husband should respect and give credance too. Listen to your inner voice....., better safe than sorry...especially with your young children at risk. Plus if he and they start to drink , different personalities come out and then you will feel like a stranger in your own home .. yikes!!! dont let it happen.

Hi Kathy, My name is Linda. I am two years into my recovery from drinkin and druggin, and am considering sponsorship. I dont know how to do that and would appreciate any advice that you or others could give me. I am looking forward to communicating with you and other members.

Linda, I have limited space here to write you so if you email me from the home page that lists my articles I can give you more information. There are many things I can tell you about sponsorship from my own experience that I would be more than glad to share with you. There is also a book that I think is very valuable. It is called "Twelve Step Sponsorship: How It Works" by Hamilton B. and published by Hazelden. The important thing is that after 2 years you are definitely on the right track by even thinking of sponsorship. It is truly one of the gifts of the program. Anyway, if you can email me I can be more specific and maybe answer more questions you might have. I also invite anyone else out there to share your experiences with sponsorship with Linda and others interested.

Kathy L.
12 Step Recovery Editor