BellaOnline Forums Beauty and Self Body Image Opinion: more acceptable to be fat or gay

John Amaechi, the openly gay NBA player who wrote Man in the Middle, was on Dr Keith today and stated that he thought that "it is more acceptable to be fat than to be gay." As someone who has been gay, straight, fat and thin with no particular baggage associated with any of them other than that my knees hurt when I'm not about as thin as I can be and still be healthy and I'm really happy in my current relationship; I'm not sure that I agree with that. I think it was more acceptable to be fat as a lesbian than as someone who is perceived as hetrosexual. I think that people show their prejudices differently depending on how you are outside of their impression of normal. I think discrimination and lack of acceptance of others sucks. And I think it is easier to live your daily life where you don't have to deal with much anti-gay prejudice than where you don't have to deal with size acceptance issues.

What do you think?

Julie

Note: I still have trouble with identifying as straight because it's certainly not my history, but I seem to be the opposite of the people who suddenly discover that they are gay after years of a happy heterosexual life.

I think it is more acceptable to be lesbian because we are not as threatening to that fragile male ego as gay men are.
As an out lesbian my entire life, I have rarely, if ever dealt with any prejudice aside from the institutional kind that is accepted in our country.
My partner and I have dealt with all the legal/medical/tax stuff that we can with court accepted documents, ie, partnerships, (no, not domestic, that would be illegal <G>), powers of attorney, business partnerships for tax purposes. We can't seem to figure out a way for SS survivor benefits when one of us dies. We have talked about one of us adopting the other. That has worked for some people.

As an aside, why are you identifying as straight these days?

I don't think I really identify as anything these days, but "straight" is a short label and certainly how most people who see me day to day identify me (versus the few people who truly know me.) But after being woman identified from the time I started having a sexual awareness, and identifying as a lesbian from my mid-teens, at 37 I find myself in my second long-term relationship in a row with a man. My marriage was an open marriage (my husband insisted, I was agreeable), but I actually found myself turning down opportunities to have relationships with women. I really think that if my current relationship ended, I'd date men or be celibate. I think where I'm at is better for ME, but not better or worse on any general scale.

I do sometimes wonder if things would be different if I hadn't been in a lesbian relationship that ended with her trying to rape me, holding me hostage, and then stalking me for several years; but I've been to plenty of counseling and had a very serious lesbian relationship since then. It's not like I've only been involved with men who always were respectful and approprate either (but the current one is!).

I did find that in my teens and early 20's I got harassed about as much as my gay male friends, but I also could not pass as anything but a dyke (insert princess wave) in any circumstances from my mid-teens until I was about 23.

Julie

Thanks for the info. You certainly didn't need to be that open and it is appreciated. No matter anyone's identification, I think all we need is to be satisfied with it. And you seem to be. That's great.

Well, as a gay activist, I answered a zillion questions about various aspects of my coming out story and personal life, so I guess I don't really see how dating a man gets me off the hook. <grin>

One of my good friends is actually after me to write a book about my experiences. I'm not sure it's that interesting or that there is a market. While I certainly have a lot of journaling, I don't feel any desire to try and turn it into a finished product that no one will ever read.

Julie

You have said it very well.

I think it depends on where you live!

For instance, we have a great gay neighborhood/community in Vancouver, BC where being gay is fantastic (I actually feel a little weird in the shops in that area because I'm straight, and everything is SO outstandingly, proudly gay). It's great to be gay there.

But there are few places where obesity is accepted and celebrated, or fought for and defended. I think I have seen a photo of a "fat parade" or something similar, I can't quite recall it but it was fairly recently. Do people fight for the right to be fat, like they fight for the right to be gay?

What a fascinating concept, to reverse the "coming out" process! I wonder if that's a common or rare occurrence?

I have a wonderful gay friend in the UK who is somewhat portly...Well, let's just say he's 'big' in character and form...
he says:

"I must be anorexic because I look in the mirror and I keep thinking I'm fat....!"

That was going to be my opening line! LOL! But I was thinking more the negative side (sadly). In many places (in the deep south particularly) it would be less accpetable to be gay, whereas in California (fitness coast) it would be less acceptable to be fat.

And people are starting to fight back about being fat - but the problem is so many of us (yep I still include myself in there) have such low self esteem problems, it's hard to feel worthy of fighting back for anything.

Oh, Alexandra - What a wonderful attitude your friend has!

LOL Alexandra!