BellaOnline Forums Family Child Abuse I was molested at 13 (my story)

When I was thirteen years of age my uncle molested me. After it happened, I felt violated and confused. I asked myself questions like, "How could I allow something like this to happen to me?", or "What did I do to deserve this?". I really thought for about 3 years that this was all my fault, and I should have said for him to stop and fight him off, but I didn't. When I finally realized that all of this was not my fault, I began to search ways to get my life back again. That when I made a hard decision, but a choice that helped me get through this. I FORGAVE HIM. Even though he doesn't feel one bit sorry, I knew that it was the right choice. It was like it was a big relief, thats hard to explain. Believe me, It is not going to make me forget about what happened but I feels like he is NOT my problem anymore. The battle that I am facing right now is whether or not I am going to finally confront him after 4 years and tell him how I feel and how this has changed my life. I don't know what I am going to do except start preying about it, and let God decide that for me. I need advise from someone who knows what I am going through.(ms_lala2008@yahoo.com) I am now 17 years old and I am planning my future to be a kindergarden teacher when I grow up. I want to be a big influence in children's lives, in hopes that, what happened to me will never happen to them. I refuse to let this stop me from living a normal life.

I'm so sorry for what you went through, i was raped by my dad when i was 4yrs old and was still being molested by him and his brother ( my uncle) till i was 15yrs old, I left home at 15, i'm glad you can find it in your heart to for give, because now you can move on with your life.(none of it was ever your fault) i can't yet forgive even though there both dead, so today i still suffer with many mental health issues and been seeing psychiatrist for 33yrs now, you are a strong young lady, move on with your life, GOD bless you

Bumblebee,

You didn't deserve what happened to you. Neither did you do anything wrong. The only one that can be blamed for what happened to you is your uncle. I don't believe that at 13 there was anything that you could have done that would have made him stop. Please be gentle with yourself. I'm so sorry that you endured this. Are you in counseling at all, for what happened to you? If not, perhaps that might be a consideration. As for your confronting him, Please be careful. Maybe a friend could go with you? Are your parents aware of what happened? Can they help you to confront him?

I would recommend a book called "The 10 Secrets for Success and Inner Peace" by Dr. Wayne Dyer. He talks about how to forgive and go on with your life and why it's important, for you, to do so.

I didn't have abuse in my past but I did have some people I couldn't forgive. This book started me on the path to forgiving and going on with my life from a better place.

Horrible things that happen to you can also be the start of a search for a better, more peaceful life. Don't let the past ruin your future too. Good luck to you.

Thanks Joan..I will look into getting that book.

Hi Kelli,

Thank you for what you wrote. You are a big encouargment to me.

At this point of my life, I think that I am doing quite well considering what happened. I have never been to any counseling, but the one thing that I believe has truly helped me deal with it is Church. When I became a Christain, I began to go to chuch faithfully three times a week, and I have been for almost five years. I sing in the choir, volenteer in the nursery, and help teach little kids in junior church. When I am at church, I don't think about it, and I also get advise from people I trust there.

At the time that it happened, I was in the house alone with him while my parents were at the store. After he left, while crying, I immedatly called my mom and told her what happened. I don't remember why my mom didn't decide to call the authories, but she she did go to confront him at his house. She didn't tell me what he said after she talked with him, but I didn't really want to know. My father and grandma don't know about it, because my mom told me to not tell them about it. I am not really sure why, but my mom has her reasons.

I don't really feel confortable about sharing the details of what he did to me, on the website, but if anyone for some reason wants to know, you can email me, and I have no problem telling you. (ms_lala2008@yahoo.com)

I haven't seen my uncle since it has happened, and I am the only one who wants to. I just have to urge to confront him and tell him how I feel and how, what he did changed my life, even though he is probally not sorry. Thats basically the biggest decision that I am battling right now, on whether or not I am going to do it, and confront him.

-Laura-

Laura,

I'm so happy to hear of your wonderful supporters in your life. That is a necessity to have those in our lives support us. It sounds like you have great support. I think that is awesome! It will help you as you process. Don't worry about sharing here. It's totally up to you. Whatever you decide to do will be respected here on the forum.

Laura, I hope you like the book. Wayne Dyer, who wrote the book, was raised by an alcoholic mother partly and in an orphanage part of the time. He was abused as a child, tho not sexually. He feels that, rather than cursing his past, it was given to him to teach him self-reliance, which he now teaches to others. His mission in life was rooted in those experiences-which, by the way, turned his brother into an alcoholic for many years.

There are many examples out there of people who have risen above their past and circumstances of their life-Oprah Winfrey is one of them.

I wish you peace and happiness in the future. Visualize yourself as been at peace with the past and eventually it will come.

Joan

I haven't seen my uncle since it happened, but I do want to confront him and tell him how I feel. A part of me doesn't think that he realizes that he did anything wrong. If I confront him about it, What do I say? Would if he doesn't even remember, then what?

-Laura-

Laura, I would recommend your going with another person should you choose to confront him. Please be cautious as well. He may not admit to anything. Many abusers deny any wrongdoing when confronted with the abuse they perpetrated to others. This doesn't mean they didn't do it. It just means they choose to deny any responsibility in doing harm. Please be careful and go with a second person for your safety. You might also want to confront him in a public place. I hope this helps.