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Joined: Apr 2006
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How do you explain your style of child rearing to your family and non AP friends?

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I don't. It is non of their business. I owe no one an explanation.
They do their way, I do mine.

If they are interested I loan them books and articles. But they are not really interested.

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I don't. It is non of their business. I owe no one an explanation.
They do their way, I do mine.

If they are interested I loan them books and articles. But they are not really interested.

Joined: May 2007
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Koala
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ok so I am not a parent or anything but what is Attachment parenting?

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Gecko
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I'm so glad you asked that freespirit! It gave me a reason to re-read some info that I hadn't read for a while.

To answer you without giving you more inforamtion that you really want, different people focus on different aspects of the principal of attachment parenting. There's co-sleeping, baby wearing and breastfeeding and some consider natural or home birth to be important as well as organic foods, etc. Some parents work on every facet religiously and others pick what works for them.

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Koala
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Ah... Baby Wearing? sorry but that just put a very wierd picture in my head... I have never hear this term so could you explane what that is please? never mind I googled it! haha baby in a back pack kinda... what a great way to free up your hands!!! I didnt know that was a parenting style; I just thought that it was just a different way to carry a baby. I see moms and dads with those all the time here... Thanks for your help. I keep seeing this group pop up and had to ask! laugh

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Gecko
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LOL freespirit! AP is a good way to free your hands and save your sanity in my opinion. Once I tapped into attachment parenting I saw my babies get calmer and happier. My mom warned me that I was going to make my girls too dependant on me, but to the contrary I believe that it has made them more confidant. It may not be for everybody, but I've seen lots of positive results in other families as well as my own.

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Koala
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well when i first read wearing you baby the picture i got was something like you wear your baby like a pair of pants... shirt or maybe a watch... then I just had to google it to see what it was just for my piece of mind! I though " how in the world would you wear a kid? where in the world would you wear a kid?" so... I feel much better after seeing that the baby is not a t-shirt or shoe....

I think the Native Americans put there babies in a what-cha-call-it and carried them around with them it makes perfect since to me.... I was just so relieved that people did not make there kids into clothing! laugh I have no idea why I thought that but after the image poped into my head it would not leave!

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Shark
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I've never really had to explain attachment parenting to anyone all in one go.

The grandparents were introduced to the idea little by little ("You're not using a crib? But aren't you supposed to have a crib?", and "Don't you ever put her down?", and "What if you roll over and crush her?", etc), and by now have gotten the idea through all the bits and pieces they've been exposed to.

They still have the occasional relapse now and then. Those do more to give us insight into how we were raised than anything else!

Last edited by Jay - RPG; 01/30/08 02:32 PM.
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Koala
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hahaha I bet! I think my mom is one that did the deattached parenting style. I really dont think she wanted a baby at all and at 35 i think she was happy thinking she was going thru the change, had a cold lots of stress whatever. everyone in the family knew she was pregnat and when she went to the dr and he confirmed it she said bull your full of it! dont get me wrong I love my mom but i think if she had it to do over she would not have had me. After my father died she just kinda shut down. I have food cloths and shelter and she got me things to play with and I went to school after that she was like What you have everything you want go play and leave me alone!

anyways I can see your point!

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Gecko
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You know what, freespirit? I think LOTS of adults that are old enough to be able to think back and have a clear memory of their childhood have similar stories. Children were not always viewed as the precious treasures that we (most parents) consider them today.

I wonder if it is because:

Times were harder?

There were more accidental, unplanned pregnancies that resulted in more children than couples could comfortably afford?

Dads in the past didn't pull their weight and dumped all the responsibility for the babies on the overworked mom?


Maybe it's just my perception, but there seems to have been a change in attitudes in the past couple of decades.


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Koala
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Oh I am sure that is part of it but sometimes I wonder if we have not swung to far in the other direction? I had manners and I did not tlak back or boss my mom around like the kids today do! I had respect for adults even if i did not agree with them I understood that I could disagree as long as I was respectful about it and did what I was told to do unless it was harmful or moraly wrong in some way and i was not given a good reason for doing it!

I dont see that much with todays kids. it is all about what they want and the parents arent parents the kids have no respect for or love for the parents. I also dont see many fathers in the mix and there are alot of absent mothers as well. I see alot of grandparents raiseing there grandkids. and you would think that they would raise them in the old fashion way but no they seem to be overwhelmed and feel sorry because the mom and dad arent there so they give toys and money and do what ever the kid wants to keep the peace.

I do understand that it is very hard but I wonder why way back in the 30's the parents had 4-14 kids and kept them all with out having to ditch there responiblitys to the child on to someone else but in todays world with goverment help with housing food and college why the parents dump there kids off on someone else like a teen at college would dump off laundry for there mom to wash.... It just dont set well with me.

I do respect the parents mothers and fathers biological, adopted or otherwise caregivers to kids who can find this balence and take the responciblity for the kids... more so when they are not your birth kids but someoneelses who has dumped them on to you! Bless you all!!!

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Gecko
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Way back when, the more babies that were in a family (especially sons) the more help was to be had with chores and fieldwork. Kids had to pull their weight and it helped them to mature and be more responsible at a very early age. It seems to me that the age of accountability keeps rising with every generation.
I'm wondering whether this has more to do with longevity or lack of home training?

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Koala
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I am voting lack or home training! People have a baby and then after maturity leave is up baby goes to nursery, daycare, preschool prekindergarten....then after school they have Magic and other school programs to babysit the kids...Then they go home and play video games watch TV and maybe even do homework eat dinner most of the time in front of TV or other entertainment and go to bed whenever....

Parents have been replaced by school and TV and babysitter! if the child has chores at all there is no one to enforce how they are done or even show them how to do it.... the parents think "OH they will teach my kids all of the stuff they need to know. I don't have too." mean while schools are over crowed and the teacher has some state test she has to teach them how to pass and there is no way for her-him to control the kids because there is no real consequences that they can do to enforce the rules....and if and when the teacher calls the parents they are to busy to call back or there little angel did nothing wrong your a bad teacher!!! so the child learns they can really get away with anything. (my aunt was a teacher for 50+ years before she retired because her third grade class was to violent and knew more about sex then she did!)

Of course, this is not every parent out there but it is the raising trend!

We have kids that can do trigonometry in 4th grade but they cant count money in high school or tell time without a digital clock! we have college kids who can learn things out of a book but cant make or do anything hands on because physical labor is beneath there education!

Of course there are the few who do have common since and are rational and respectful and they are the ones who had to work for what they got and had to be in the lower jobs before they got to where they are now.

And there is no emotional coping skills, Boundaries, life skills or manners respect for yourself or others nothing being installed into kids at lest not in school.

I think they went out with God, hear me out please! When they took out God they didn't take out just religion or God, they took out love and respect, values that every religion and belief system or non religious system of thought holds dear! you can call it cause and effect, Karma, What goes around comes around, the Golden Rule I don't care but now it is not there. don't kill, don't steal, cheat, lie, envy coven whatever! they are gone!
I think atheist and any religion would agree to the fact that until these universal laws are put back into schools things wont get better...but of course that is just my feelings...

I also think that until parents take there kids back and are allowed to BE PARENTS that kids wont be taught or mature in a real and productive way. Use to your kids were just that they were your kids and you raised them anyways you see fit! better or worse that was how it was! now you have laws and rules and if you don't do this or you do do that then you can be punished but with that in mind...someone rapes there own daughter and they get out in 5 to 10 years...but if you are in the middle of Walmart and you child is throwing a tantrum and he is 8yo and you pick him up off the floor and swat his butt one time they can throw you in prison for 10-20! the priorities are all wrong.
I am not saying beat your kids or that people who do beat them should not get punished I just mean that there is a line that should be drawn and the government should not net pick parents and make laws as to you will raise your kids.

I also think school should not dominate the child's life and Family should! by the time you get to 12th grade you have spent 8 hours Monday -Friday 9 months if not more for 16 years in school and daycare. The Kids don't have time for the parents even if one was a full time stay at home parent! Mom is a taxi cab. and dad is that guy that they see as they walk out the door in the morning and before they go to bed at night...maybe!

So in conclusion, this is why I believe the lack of in home training is the downfall of Maturity. Parents should not have to compete with the government and school systems for there right to raise there children.


(you can all breath a big sign of relief this now concludes my essay!!!) LMAO Sorry this is sooooooo long!



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Gecko
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You make some excellent points, freespirit!

I think that is one reason I have chosen to be at home rather than work. I want a lifelong relationship with my babies and I want them to learn the things that are important from their own family. I don't care for the idea of the ladies at the daycare teaching them what THEY believe is important in life.

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Koala
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Cool. I wasnt expecting that reply.... I thought I may have went too far... I tend to have a real knack for doing that!

thank you for being kind Msbaby!

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Shark
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Originally Posted By: msbaby
I want a lifelong relationship with my babies and I want them to learn the things that are important from their own family. I don't care for the idea of the ladies at the daycare teaching them what THEY believe is important in life.


Amen to that! That's also one of our big reasons for choosing our parenting style. Nobody in the world cares more about providing the best upbringing for our child than we do, so why try to have them do it?

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Gecko
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Right-0h and a big Amen right back at you! It's my belief that nobody loves my babies (or my dog) like I do, so why should I expect them to teach and take care of them?

I think we can lots skills from others but life's lessons should come from parents. I don't mean that I sequester them. I think there will be lifelong benefits from my being the primary caregiver especially early in their lives.

I know there are excellent daycare workers, but you better know that there are some that are there just to get a weekly paycheck. The fact that the pay is poor can mean two things:

They are there because they love children

They are there because they can't FIND another job

The second reason is the one that scares me.


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Koala
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I will agree with that! there are lots of people out there in all fields that are there just to get paid. they care nothing for the work or the people!

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I did many of the Attachment Parenting actions such as baby wearing, responding immediately to cries etc. However I didn't start hearing the actual term "Attachment Parenting" until I'd say within the last two or three years. My children are now 8 and 10.

To raise my children I read lots of different baby books that suggested attachment parenting ideals ie not letting the baby "cry it out" etc, but the books didn't attach a definition other than The Best Thing For The Baby...including breast feeding etc.

Also I just did what made sense and I've heard that is also part of the defition of Attachment Parenting. That it's intuitive. When my babies cried, my first impulse was to pick them up and comfort them. So that is what I did. They didn't cry when I held them, so I held them all of the time.

People did say that I would spoil them, but that didn't happen, quite the contrary. And to be honest after awhile I sort of tuned out what others were saying and continued to rely on expert child rearing techniques found in good parenting books and my intuition.

Last edited by leahmullen; 01/07/09 10:36 AM.

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