BellaOnline Forums Relationships Marriage I need advise from someone who is married...

Marrisa,
I am now 52 and married the love of my life, my best friend when I was 17, he had just turned 21. No, we did not have to get married, we wanted to. I think so many people get hung up on the idea that marriage stops you from growing. If two people love eachother they will desire the other to be all they can. I have looked around at those who have waited until "everything was right" and still didn't make it. I have seen people wait too long and never bond with another. I will advise this..try to wait a few years before you start your family. Have a couple of years of "honeymoon", and growing together before you decide to bless your marriage with children. That I believe has been our glue that has held us together. We had "our" time together first. Like others have advised, follow your heart. But do make sure your best friends as well.

Commenting Dear Janet
love remains in the heart and Limo
and youth living in the heart grows like a beautiful memories vitamins for heart gives life and longevity

My husband and I met young, too. I was 20 and he was 19 - both at the same college. We knew right away we were "it" for each other but didn't rush things. For us, stability and being able to support ourselves was important. So, we waited until college was done, grad school underway and one of us had an income. We waited 5 years in the end to get married and don't regret that at all. By the time we got married, we actually felt married. Both deeply involved in each others lives and each other's best friends. Our first date was 20 years ago tomorrow! Then we waited a bit more to have kids. We don't regret any of the waiting at all.

I agree with what other posters have said, especially the best friends part. You'll each still have friends but those should be secodary to each other - not in place of. I really don't understand the culture of women having "best friends" when married - in my mind if you are in a healthy marriage, your husband is that person! In a great marriage, you'll each blossom together and separately. You'll have your rough patches but those just make the next step sweeter.

Good luck sorting this out - just go with the flow and let the relationship evolve a bit more. You won't regret getting a bit more living done first but may regret get married before you can really take care of your adult lives.

Gwenn,
I agree with your statement about "the culture of women having best friends when married." I don't get it either. My husband is the person I like to share everything important with.

BTW-met in college, married a bit later. Even at nineteen I knew and so did he that we were soul mates. Our twins came along much later.

We support each other's dreams and ambitions. Lots of respect and laughter too!!

When you decide that you want to get married, realize that it is suppose to be for the rest of your life. Are you ready to look at this person every day, day in and day out. To see one another in every bad mood, good mood, and visa versa. I moved out when I was 14, married at 16, seperated at 19, back together soon after, and he died when I was 23. Remarried at 24, spent 3 years in a very abusive relationship, he went to prison, and I have never looked back. I am still legally married to him, but hope to never see him again. I spent the next 3 years on my own with my 3 kids, and then let a friend room with us. Sometime after, neither of us know exactly when, we became a couple and have been together ever since. Now, 12 years later, he is dieing and I will again be alone, with no plans to change that. What people don't realize, is that when you marry, you not only become a partner in love, but you also become responsible for all thier debts and responsible for faults not your own. I still have people come up to me and say aren't you so-and-so's old lady, referring to either my first or second husband. This seesaw goes both ways, good and bad, and your partner takes on the same responsibilities. Make sure that is what you both want.