BellaOnline Forums Relationships Married No Kids Holiday BINGO!

I'm sure everyone here is familiar with this topic...the holidays almost inevitably lead to bingoing of some sort.

At my company Christmas party this year, I sat across from a co-worker whose first question of the evening was, "Are you and your husband going to have kids?"

I said no, that I didn't want any. Pretty straightforward and simple answer I thought.

Alas, he didn't stop with my answer. He starts in on the whole lecture about why I need to have kids. Then he's like, "If you're not ready, it's okay."

I don't mind people asking the question if they're open-minded about what I have to say or polite enough to let it go when I tell them I'm not having any. It's the times I encounter people with "selective hearing" as I call it that frustrate me. I didn't say I don't want kids now, I don't want ANY. There's a big difference! It's almost as if they can't comprehend it and therefore, feel they must convert you.

Anyway, tis the season! Happy New Year!

I've started the anti-bingo among my friends. We know several couples who are newly married or have yet to make the final kid/no kid decision. I always throw in my two cents on being childfree, if for no other reason than to let them know that it's okay to decide not to have kids.

Ironically, one of the people who bingoes me the most is a guy I've been friends with for 15+ years. He's always saying how "adorable" I would be pregnant - whatever. Saw him just before xmas, and again he hit me with "it's a shame you guys don't have kids." WHY??? So we could all go to soccer practice and drink lattes together? Oy!

I have been there. They will figure it out after a few years! Or if you are rude, crass or both, they well back down.

DH and I went to a friend's house on x-mas day and it was the very first thing I heard from her brother before I was even in the door. I didn't even have my coat off yet, he was holding his 2 yr old and he said, "Wouldn't Lynn make such a wonderful mother?" I simply replied, "Please don't start."
I don't know what it is....misery loves company?

Yes!! My sister in law is relentless on this subject. I really don't know how to stop her! She bingo-ed me just now in an email. She was too busy running around cleaning up puke at our holiday gathering to actually get me in person. She said in her email about my parents- "Give them some grandchildren!!! Your poor mother and father!!! You would be a wonderful mother, Amy. You will never regret having a child. I promise you that!!! Oh well. None of my business I know." My poor mother and father? My parents respect our decision not to have kids and actually have said they have too many friends with divorced kids, etc that they are just happy we have a good marriage. My sister in law will not stop with the comments!

Thankfully, my parents haven't been pestering me about this. My mom doesn't have the itch to be a grandmother. She would love it if it happened, but she respects our decision not to have kids and never bothers us about it.

My cousins, however, are a different story. They won't stop talking about what a great parent I would be, because I'm so straightforward with their kids.

And now 3 of my husband's cousins are expecting babies (all of these cousins are siblings too, so their mother is going to be a grandma x 3 next year). Of course, they announced this at Christmas Eve and everybody was just over the moon about it. Hubby and I were not with our families at the holidays (since we live in Germany and can't afford to go home for every holiday), so we're kind of glad we weren't there. The pressure on us would've gotten tremendous. We've told EVERYONE in the family that we DO NOT WANT KIDS EVER, but of course, nobody listens. They think they can convince us eventually.

Karyn, your Christmas Eve sounds just like mine! One of our "announcements" was even made via webcam from UK. In our case, they're not siblings (just cousins) but grandmother was sobbing with "happiness" that she is going to be a great-gramma again, and again.. (there are several gr. grandkids at already).

OMG Amy! Your SIL needs to SHUT UP. Sounds like you are going to have to get rude with her. Maybe you can just start telling her how UNLUCKY she is to have children... <img src="/images/graemlins/devil.gif" alt="" /> How much FUN, MONEY & SLEEP you have because you don't have kids! I bet some days she wishes she could have some of YOUR life.
She needs to mind her own business.

I was about to give your co-worker kudos for the first statement...better to ask it as an open question rather than as a "scheduling issue" question: "When are you and your husband going to have kids?" Of course, I'd rather hear neither question, but at least it's an improvement over the "scheduling" question.

But then the second statement registered. Oh, yes...of course...it's all because you're not evolved enough yet...just "not ready"...*yet*.

Also, how sweet of him to tell you it's "OK" with him that you're "not ready". That's the kind of statement which makes me say, dryly, "Well, thanks so much for your input. Bye now".

Elise

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I love this forum! It's nice to know that there are others out there in the same boat. <img src="/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />