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Re: Helicopter Parents = Are Modern Kids Too Coddl #263033
08/21/06 02:09 AM
08/21/06 02:09 AM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,172
Texas, US
Lynn_B Offline
Koala
Lynn_B  Offline
Koala
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,172
Texas, US
Helicopter parents are a fact of life. So much so that many colleges have staff attend training sessions on hiring to learn how to deal with these parents. In the US, once a "child" reaches 18, he/she must physically consent--usually in writing--to give a parent access to any college related information. FERPA requirements, thankfully, can be used to help teach parents their new boundaries--and its often a very hard lesson.

Re: Helicopter Parents = Are Modern Kids Too Coddl #263034
08/29/06 08:37 PM
08/29/06 08:37 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 822
Canada
Carennedy Offline
Parakeet
Carennedy  Offline
Parakeet
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 822
Canada
First off I want to say Erica Lynn I love your parenting style... I got to remember the door one.

I don't do for my kids what they can do for themselves because to do so would mean they couldn't live without me. My brother went through this. Growing up he was told he wasn't good in school and as a result he received special treatment in school, ie tests read to him. My mother helped out so much that when he only received a B on his homework assignment she was very put out, in reality it was her B as she did the assignment for him. She did everything for him. Once he moved north to take Forest Tech he didn't have mommy to do his homework so he had to. Results - B average. Then he decided to upgrade his math and physics so he could get a BC Hydro Lineman Apprenticeship. In a very short time he finished his Math 12 and Physics 12 and another I think, guess what - B average all on his own. Too bad they didn't let him do it in high school, he may have been successful quicker and a lot more sure of his intellectual abilities.

My mom did so much for him that at the age of 27 or so when he needed to get his forms and resume in to BC Hydro she gathered them all up and asked her sister to submit them for him because mom had to go out of town. Her sister told her that he was a big boy now and could find his own jobs.

There were times when mom was visiting and my brother would call to ask how much in his chequing account... I could go on and on. The good news is though that since BC Hydro has had him living in areas away from her he's gotten very self sufficent.

I do not want my children to be like this. I want them to have the skills they need to into the world with their head held high and if I died tomorrow they'd still be successful. After all I'm their parent, its my job to teach them how to be sufficent independent successful adults.

Re: Helicopter Parents = Are Modern Kids Too Coddl #263035
08/29/06 08:50 PM
08/29/06 08:50 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 822
Canada
Carennedy Offline
Parakeet
Carennedy  Offline
Parakeet
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 822
Canada
I believe there are a number of reasons for these Helicopter Parents:

Modern kids are not coddled too much, if anything they're left on their own to much. Parents give their little kids to daycares and nannies to raise. It's only when the kids grown up and off to college that they realize oh no I missed out and try to latch on.

A lot of these parents are so busy being selfish, wanting to relive their college years or they missed out on college and want the chance to live it through their kids. They don't love selflessly enough to allow their kids to have their college experience themselves.

Some parents that say they are at the colleges because they fear their kids will get hurt are suffering from some sort of anxiety disorder. They spend so much time in front of the Television watching the news and the CSI type shows (which I love by the way) that they see danger everywhere and then start to worry too much. They then teach their children these types of behaviors.

People are missing God and without him they feel vulnerable and alone. If you don't believe that there is a higher power watching out for you and you think your on your own the world is a very scary place.

As for the world being a scary place, it is much better today than it was at the turn of the century. Everyone keeps saying oh the world is getting worse. Its changing not getting worse imagine if you'd been an immigrant coming to America what life would have been like. Or a family in Europe during the world wars. TV is a new media and the censors have become lenient not to show us the world is worse but to show us how the world really is. Anyone grow up with Wally and the Beaver? My house wasn't like the Cunninghams. The Good old days are in some ways way better then today and in others worse.

This is a fabulous topic!

Re: Helicopter Parents = Are Modern Kids Too Coddl #263036
08/30/06 03:18 AM
08/30/06 03:18 AM
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 954
USA
Erika Lyn Smith Offline

BellaOnline Editor
Erika Lyn Smith  Offline

BellaOnline Editor
Parakeet
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 954
USA
There is the...they are left on their own too much theory and..the lets put them into every activity we can to make them a well rounded individual...and they end up being exhausted. Mom rushes them to soccer, then dance, then violin, then drama club etc. We try and pack 25 hours into a 24 hour day and these are kids who are 5, 6, 7, ets on up.

What happened to letting kids be kids. My sons favorite past time is playing in the dirt in the back yard and attacking the trees with mysterious weapons he makes out of sticks, toys, my cooking utensils (breathing deeply) and various other items he high jacks from the house when mom is not looking.

The other day it was a box of staples?????????????? I guess b/c they glinted in the sun????? (sigh)

One day when he was 5, he was out there with a dust pan and a whisk broom, sweeping up dust pans of dirt and filling up his red wagon for hours. I was watching him as I took out the garbage and he looked up and excitedly said..."Hi Mom!! I am cleaning your dirt!!!!" I said keep up the good work buddy!!! God I love my 3-in-1 child. He is all boy! However, I usually find that dirt on the bottom of the tub after his nightly bath, lol.


Have a blessed day-

Erika Lyn Smith
BellaOnline's Missing & Exploited Children Editor
Missing & Exploited Children Site
BellaOnline's Child Abuse Editor
Child Abuse Site
Re: Helicopter Parents = Are Modern Kids Too Coddl #263037
08/30/06 01:43 PM
08/30/06 01:43 PM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,172
Texas, US
Lynn_B Offline
Koala
Lynn_B  Offline
Koala
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,172
Texas, US
"Modern kids are not coddled too much."

Interesting. I find the opposite is entirely true. Most of the kids I encounter, especially the teen/pre-college set, don't ever (or hardley ever) have to: clean their own rooms, make any of their own meals, work to pay for anything, walk anywhere for any reason, or fight any of their own battles (whether with siblings, friends or elsewhere). If anything, whether or not the kiddos have ever been in day-care or not, mom/dad are over-involved in everything they do in life.

I don't see it as an overcompensation issue, I see it as a locus of control issue.

Re: Helicopter Parents = Are Modern Kids Too Coddl #263038
09/02/06 03:02 PM
09/02/06 03:02 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 822
Canada
Carennedy Offline
Parakeet
Carennedy  Offline
Parakeet
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 822
Canada
For all the expert advice out there today many parents are too busy to find it or care about it. Many think I know better. Many are so busy that it is easier to do then to fight with the kids to get them to do it.

Other things are more important to parents today then teaching their children to be self sufficent. I feel sorry for the kids as they try to make it in the work force.

Re: Helicopter Parents = Are Modern Kids Too Coddl #263039
09/06/06 02:48 AM
09/06/06 02:48 AM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 822
Canada
Carennedy Offline
Parakeet
Carennedy  Offline
Parakeet
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 822
Canada
Here's q question.

My son is 7 years old - grade 2 and the school is .8 of a kilometer away, or about a 10-15 minute walk. I can easily drop him off before work but my husband gets so busy with his work (he works from home) that he won't be able to pick him up most of the time.

So, is he old enough to walk home on his own?

Re: Helicopter Parents = Are Modern Kids Too Coddl #263040
09/06/06 03:26 PM
09/06/06 03:26 PM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,172
Texas, US
Lynn_B Offline
Koala
Lynn_B  Offline
Koala
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,172
Texas, US
Age, IMHO, would have little to do with this issue. More important to me would be: how safe is your neighborhood, how aware is your child, are there other children/parents walking the same direction that he could walk with, do people look out for each other in your community, what sort of traffic areas would he have to cross, etc.

Re: Helicopter Parents = Are Modern Kids Too Coddl #263041
09/06/06 09:52 PM
09/06/06 09:52 PM
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 822
Canada
Carennedy Offline
Parakeet
Carennedy  Offline
Parakeet
Joined: Oct 2005
Posts: 822
Canada
Lets see,

Well our neighbourhood is upper middle class, the only problems have come from bored teenagers.

He has to cross a 4 lane drive at the school and another 4 lane blvd.

The school has almost 500 kids K-Grade 3 and since 2/3s of the neighbourhood is within walking distance there are parents and kids everywhere. I wouldn't say that he has anyone to walk all the way with though as our neighbours kids are bussed to other schools outside the neighbourhood. They get out so early that even when I'm home early - 3:00 he's already home.

He has lots of friends in the school and I know a lot of people in the neighbourhood. I would hope that we look out for each other but I wouldn't say it was like when I grew up. Most are too involved in their own lives to really pay attention to others.

I don't feel it's unsafe, I know he's mature enough, most forget he's only 7 not only because of his size but also because of his behavior, reading, and vocabulary. He's so cautious that he wouldn't do anything if it really scared him. He has the walkie talkie to talk to his dad if he feels there are any issues.

Re: Helicopter Parents = Are Modern Kids Too Coddl #263042
09/07/06 12:47 AM
09/07/06 12:47 AM
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,172
Texas, US
Lynn_B Offline
Koala
Lynn_B  Offline
Koala
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,172
Texas, US
Try to set him up with a neighbor kid and have Dad meet them halfway.

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Moderated by  Erika Lyn Smith 

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